Just like any other morning I was reviewing links and stories on Facebook, and checking in on a page I co-own and admin Support All Gay Rights. I came across one post in particular in my newsfeed that fueled me.The evening before I was on a Facebook page that offered an advice section, members post questions anonymously, and others comment their thoughts and opinions. This one involved a woman who is in a same-sex relationship that was raped by her girlfriend. This topic hits home for me, so I moved on, as it was nearing my bedtime and I didn’t care to fall asleep thinking about such things.
Rape is not a form of sex. It is a form of violence. It takes a part of the person’s soul by letting them know they are alone, powerless and that their most intimate being is not theirs to control.
Rape and sexual assault occur in all sexes, to all types of people. The assertion that sparked me into writing this blog, that a woman can’t be raped by another woman, is so untrue. This woman was forced to have sex, after saying and pleading NO.
Her cries were ignored, her tears, her words, and a woman had sex with her, against her will. Never mind that this is a couple and they live together. Rape is Rape, and what I described before took place. There’s no wrapping it up with a pretty little bow, and saying “well she’s your girlfriend, so she can’t have raped you”. Woman are raped by their husbands, by other women, men raped by women, Transgender persons are ridiculed and raped. When a person says “NO”, they mean “NO”! Any sexual act forced after that has been said, is rape. Let’s look at some examples that have made headlines and how the act of rape or assault is belittled.
Recently a story made headlines (ThinkProgress) where a victim had been at a local bar where she was sexually assaulted by Arizona Police Officer, Robb Gary Evans. He was later convicted of Sexual Abuse. Arizona trial Judge Jacqueline Hatch told a female victim “If you wouldn’t have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you,”. In court, Judge Hatch said to the victim “I hope you look at what you’ve been through and try to take something positive out of it,” and went on further adding, “When you blame others, you give up your power to change,”.
In my opinion, Judge Hatch is adding to the problem of what rape and sexual assault is, that she underminded this victim, giving the message that the victim played a role of fault in this. I’m not OK with that message, and neither should you be.
Too often I’ve heard and read situations where parents are told by others that their lesbian daughter should be forced to have sex with a male until they’re straight. I’m baffled that such a thought, let alone the words that come out of peoples mouths! That tidbit came from Radio Personality Dominic Deiter, out of Cleveland Ohio. He stated to a father that suspected his daughter was gay, “You should get one of your friends to screw your daughter straight.” Hello!! What is wrong with this? This radio DJ just advocated publicly on air, the rape of an innocent girl. Are you outraged now? (Courtesy of http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014109184)
Rape occurs every single day, in our towns, neighborhoods, all over the world, and yes, even within our own families.
So why do I care?
When I was 15, I went to spend a summer in California with my Aunt and Uncle, babysitting my niece and nephew and making a few bucks. My uncle worked at a gym and racquetball court, later was a Strength and Conditioning coach for a well known University football team, and a consultant for the Olympics. During my summer there, I confided in my trusted Uncle (he was adored by all of us nieces and nephews) that I liked girls and not boys. Over time he took me out on outings to learn to drive, a manual trans Pinto. How classy. I looked up to him, he was cool, successful and my Uncle. I trusted him. Until one day the kids and I were washing the car in the driveway, and my Uncle took me to his bedroom, and forced me to have sex with him. I tried fighting him off, I had no voice. I mean it, I didn’t utter a word, other than my sobs. After is was over, he told me, “You’re not a lesbian, I just proved that. If you tell anyone in our family, you will be the black sheep“. For years I’ve carried that day with me.
My rapist took my virginity, my innocence, and my voice.
He made me to feel at fault, he was a 33 year old man and I was a 15 year old girl, his niece. He raped me. To add insult to injury, when I did in fact tell my family, they didn’t believe me. Later I confronted my Uncle, in email, he owned up to it, telling me “God forgave him“, I sent that very email to my family as proof. To this day, for reasons beyond me, my family still is in contact with him. I haven’t seen him in 20 years, nor do I ever plan to.
This is far from easy for me to share with my readers, I felt compelled to, because I didn’t have anyone in my corner. I’m sure that a few members of my family will be enraged that I’ve even shared this with you. It’s not their story to be told, it’s MY story, it happened to me, not them.
When people demean, belittle or dismiss an act of rape, they are putting the fault on the victim, it compounds the act of violence a victim has endured. That is as agonizing as the assault itself.
Rape happens. Rape is real. It happened to me.
Rape often goes unreported. There is a mentality of disbelief, misguided as it is, it’s still happening. Stop blaming the victim. Start punishing the rapists. Be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
At the very least, you have the power to be kind, caring, compassionate. Words can hurt or they can help the healing start.
Be a healer.
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I honestly have to say, I have the foremost respect for everyone in here that are able to tell their stories. With that being said, I don’t understand how you could tell complete strangers. Please, do not take that as it sounds, and I will explain why I said it.
Without going into detail, I too was raped by several family members growing up. I am nearly 46 years old now, and I have such a hard time talking about it, not because I am ashamed, or feel that it’s my fault, but that I have heard the old sayings “well, you shouldn’t have led them on” or “what do you think you could have done to prevent it”, and the old tried but untrue “you’re FLAT OUT LYING!” so many times that I learned to just keep my mouth shut about it, and now I just can’t seem to open up about it, let alone to someone I’ve never even talked to, let alone met. Yes, I do have issues with sex to this day, I’ve been divorced twice now from marriages that were both filled with domestic violence, and my son will have nothing to do with me due to lies told by his father.
With that being said, i will finish with I really and truly do respect all of you for talking. You have more guts than I ever did, and I really hope that your lives are now full of love, respect, kindness, and dignity. My thoughts are with you all.
I was recommended this blog by my cousin. I’m not
sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know
such detailed about my trouble. You are wonderful!
Thanks!
I grew up with my mom and my great-grandmother taking care of me, my great-grandmother lived right next to my grandfather, who was a paedophile, something she always denied, she refused to accept her son was one of those monsters, so she never protected me from it even though mom begged her to never leave me alone with him. I don’t remember much from those days, I suppressed it all mostly, some flashes of him touching me, but I think he always kept himself in check since my mom knew and kept a close watch. He never let a chance go by to cuddle with me caress me, doll me up, some people would say he was a dotting grandfather who was just a tad too drunk. He’d always drink tons of alcohol being an alcoholic with a taste for children. He has been in jail for paedophilia, rape and sexual assault, yet somehow no one takes it seriously, not even when my niece went to the police two years ago because he raped her.
My great-grandmother passed away when I was still really young so I was safe of him, my mother ending up alone to take care of me she met a man, a nice man it seemed at first, slightly wealthy and he had a son of his own, three years younger than me, well I can tell you like father like son applied to them. He turned out to be a paedophile as well, fuck my luck right? I was around the age of 6. So yeah what do I know, my mom worked long hours and was barely at home, but he was nearly always there, groping me stroking me. If I’d tell mom he’d kill my dogs, my only friends in the world, so I didn’t tell a soul. Meanwhile his son also loved to try what he’d see the monster do, I would wake up to the junior monster groping me all over, like I didn’t have nightmares enough yet at that time. I can get that though, his son being three years younger than me and idolizing his dad, he had to copy everything his father did, when mom wasn’t home he even offered his son beer and smokes. Sometimes he’d hit me or wake me by tossing a bucket of ice cold water over me because I was sucking my thumb, then he’d tell mom I pissed my bed and he needed to wash me, since I was recovering from a brain disease I could not do very much things for myself, so mom was grateful for his help in the area, I never dared to protest. This carried on till I was about 9 years old, then mom discovered he wasn’t all that swell and kicked him out. This was because my mom had found a diary letter where I described my fear for this man, where I described how he would punish me if he felt I had wronged him by grasping me by my ankles and spinning me around really quickly. How he would hit the dogs when we were alone to make me do what he wanted, but even in my diary I was too scared to mention how he touched me, afraid he’d find those hidden notes which I scribbled.
I always felt more boyish then a girl, I would escape to my dream world where I was a hero, a warrior and no one could touch me! No one could harm Calhoen the brave, I’d escape to my self build swamp camp during those years, even at that age I already considered suicide several times, being abused at home, bullied at school… I told myself I never wanted sex, I’d be 18 before I’d be seeing boys and sex would be for after the marriage, only to get kids, I wanted kids and I’d keep them safe. I hated men, I hated the thing between their legs which was what seemed to control them, because they’d always would stand up when they did stuff like that. But you know when you get into high school and you have no friends except for a few guys who either accept you as one of the guys or are desperate enough to try get you as a girlfriend you start dating them. Well not really dating, I didn’t turn their proposals down fearing I’d lose the only ‘friends’ I had.
My first boyfriend was nice at first I never told him anything, we were together for a year when he started talking about sex I was about 13 at the time, I turned him down every time, but on valentine’s day…he wouldn’t take no for an answer, he put on a condom and since we were alone in his parents’ house he tried to rape me, poor aim and struggling ended up with him taking me in the ass, god did that hurt. I pretended nothing had happened afterwards, he returned to gaming on his computer, I went home pretended nothing had happened, not that my mom noticed, she was too busy with her latest catches, an alcoholic abusive son of a bitch with a gamble addiction. I didn’t break up with him I gave him a second chance, I had talked about what had happened with a friend of mine, one of my only friends I had the time, when I think back on it, she was a real shallow lady with a low self-esteem, using sex to get what she wanted, but her response on the story was what made me give my boyfriend a second chance. Her response was the following, a response a lot of people heard in one way or another when they have been raped by a partner: “It’s your own fault, who doesn’t have sex with their boyfriend for a whole year.” The punch line from this relationship was, he broke up with me on an online role play game site, refusing to talk to me after that, never explaining to me why.
Then I met a guy who knew exactly how to use that, you know one of those popular kids everyone loves and hates… he dated me for a few months when he decided he would force me in a blowjob, well I panicked and bit his dick and ran, lucky for me he didn’t find anything better to do it in then the bushes besides the path between the school and my bus stop. He was too humiliated to tell a soul and again I believed it was my own fault, after all, my friend told me you should have sex and blowjobs and so on after the first week of being together, that’s just how it’s supposed to be.
It came to a point where seeing a flash of the male organ would make me run in panic, make me hyperventilate or spontaneously combust into tears, I tried to push myself to get over it by dating an older guy that same friend set me up with, he was mature and nice…seemed patient enough, we talked he was the first soul I told about it, I was 15 at the time. Four months in and he came to fix my pc, he was 22, he was nice and he was such a relief from the swine of a second stepfather I had at home (the abusive guy I mention in the part of the first boyfriend). I left him alone in my room to get us some drinks and go to the toilet, when I returned he was very, very naked and alone on my bed asking me for his payment blowjob, telling me I had to hurry because his girlfriend was expecting him in an hour and a half. I threw him down the stairs… he had some bruises and with a broken pride and his pants tossed against his head I showed him the door.
First I started flirting with guys after this, kissing with them, trying to push myself to feel something for them, afterwards I became asexual, I refused to accept any feelings of lust and passion. When I would fantasize about love I would blank out every idea of sex or lovemaking or anything leaning towards it, I’d have the romance and the roses and the dates, but no sex. I still fantasized about a prince charming, because that’s what the world told me I should have.
I was 17 when I had my last boyfriend, it was again one of my only, no at that time my only friend I had, he told me he had feelings for me, I became his girlfriend. We had a very childish relationship, holding hands, talking, laughing, sharing our lunches. We were together for most of the school year. I think we kissed like 16 times in that entire time, he was a silly geek and he restored my faith in there being good men, we broke up because I was moving, changing schools and well he was becoming a control freak, a few months later it was official though, he was gay, which now changed back to bi and I was a lesbian.
years ago, when my male friend was only 16 and I was 17, he was with this girl.
She got pregnant. My friend was young, dumb and in love. He thought she was too. So, the families all pulled together and tho my friend’s mother wasn’t thrilled, she was going to stand by her son. The girl’s mother, on the other hand, became a rampaging, well, not-so-nice-person, about the whole thing. She insisted my friend move into her home so she could monitor their relationship. She treated my friend like scum. My friend’s mother chose to take a step back, because she tried to appreciate a mother’s more protective feelings toward a daughter in this situation, but kept an eye on everything.
Cut to the chase–my friend found the calendar on which the girl had tracked her cycle and had determined the best dates to get pregnant. Before her, my friend had been a virgin boy. The dates on the calendar corresponded with the first time she had encouraged him to lose his virginity to her and the only times afterward she had let him copulate with her afterward.
So–my friend lost control of his life for the next twenty years because a female had determined she wanted to get pregnant so when she was old enough for her mother to throw her out of the house, she would have someone forced by law to take care of her.
She never worked. She lived off of “child support” for 20 years off of my friend.
Of course, when she had first gone after my friend, she had told him he didn’t have to worry about condoms, because she was on the pill.
If rape isn’t about sex, but about power, then this girl raped my friend and the government helped her do it. She took his life away from him, using law and the government to force him to support his rapist. She took away his control over his own life.
Would any woman reading this agree that a woman should be forced to continue having contact with her rapist–and to support him besides?
And yet, every day in this country, young boys and men in this country lose twenty years or more of their lives and livelihoods being forced to support their female rapists…under the largesse of the legal system, no less.
Men should have the very same right to CHOOSE to be a parent, post-impregnation–that women have. These life-stealing rapes would decrease rapidly.
MEN DON’T HAVE TO EJACULATE INSIDE A WOMAN. HE DID THAT
Wow. I think you have a very warped idea. She didn’t force him or hold a gun to his head. The guy made a choice to have sex and not use a condom. Was he screwed over? Yes, but bottom line that’s not rape. Rape would be her tying him up and forcing sex against his wishes.
Men have every right to demand a condom before engaging in sex, and leaving of the request is refused. He knee the dangers and stilk pursued sex. He deserves to pay child support if he creates life. It takes two to tango and he should have had the option to be in his child’s life, and trust me, child support helps, but it does not allow a women to live lavishly with a child.
The story is powerful and too often true for those who have been raped. Please know that you are believed by many and I am grateful for you telling your story. This type of story is rampant in the news right now because it is ripe for “change”. Its time….way past time, for those who are hurt to be further hurt by shaming disbelief or those held in fear so that they have to somehow make it your fault.
You are brave and beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. Rape is rape. The more we tell our stories, the safer we make it for survivors. It takes guts, as you’ve shown. Thank you again.
Thank you for sharing. It took courage and I admire you for that!
Reblogged this on thismockingbird.
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I want to Thank you for posting this. I want to agree any one can be raped by anyone. I was 15 and my best friend hired a guy we knew to take my virginity so she didnt have to hang out with a virgin and it would make me hate guys and like her. I didnt understand it all at the time I watched her walk away, instead of helping me. I lived in terror for over a year and a half I saw the guy every day at school. Her and I didnt really hang out anymore but we had a disagreement and it all came out what she had done. I have fought my entire life to try and understand and to come to terms with everything. I had bad relationships because of it, I would allow people to abuse me because that is what I thought was normal. Till I went to my 20 yr class reunion I knew the guy would be there, but she had died a painful death years earlier. So I wanted to confront my fear and finally take my life back. I went and he did show up, I almost peeing my pants as I walked up to him I asked him if I could talk to him alone for a minute he agreed.. I told him that I hated him but I forgave him for what he had done to me. He stopped me and told me that I was suppose to be into it. Long story short she had tricked him to told him we liked role playing and that that was my fantasy. Being young dumb and stupid he had believed her. He got really made and then really upset mind you he is a very well built macho kinda guy but he started to tear up and he appologized hundreds of times. We talk for awhile and the hate disappeared for him. He was also a victim in a different way. He was so upset and you could see the soul of this man standing there I knew he would be harder on his self than I could ever be. We parted with him knowing I forgave him and me knowing I did nothing wrong. I ended up in a relationship I am in now with her cousin, it turns out her and her brother had assaulted him when he was a kid. She had also assaulted her foster sisters. In the end I am glad she is dead and I am glad she died in extreme pain. Karma was a bitch. She destroyed and affected so many lives in such an evil way. I am happy with this man he understands what has happened and it makes it easier for both of us to cope. But the act isnt about sex it is about power, it is vicious and painful to the victims for their entire lives. Raped can happen to anyone male or female by anyone male or female. And I dare anyone to stand in my face and say I deserved it… I wasnt dressed wrong I wasnt drinking I wasnt on drugs I was a child. All her victims were children.
Thank you for being so brave and honest with the way you felt for this person who ruined part of your life. It seems at times we try to find why people do the things they do, looking for reasons why we should ‘understand’ and forgive but truthfully some things are unforgivable, no matter what things may have happened to cause this other girl to inflict these horrors on you and other children makes no difference as you were the victims to her crimes. If it’s any consolation I would imagine a few other people were glad she died painfully as well.
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Yours was an excellent and compelling article. It’s infuriating that the very valid statistics, facts and emotions had to be followed up with “so why do I care?” and your own personal story of trauma, pain & humiliation. The answer to “why should I care” should simply be because you are a human being on this planet who understands right and wrong, who cares about the rights and intrinsic value of other human beings and who has compassion, empathy and common sense. Seriously. I don’t think someone has to have gone through the horrors of rape to know that it happens and that it is wrong. It’s sad that you have to share your most personal pain to add weight to what should be an unnecessary argument. But thank you for doing so. I hope that by naming it that you own it, conquer it and find strength and peace.
Allison, I am in awe of your beautiful words. There ought to be MORE people like you in the world. Thank you,
Rape is rape…no matter how you colour it! I am 61 years old and was raped when I was 14 and the pain, shame and guilt has never left me to this day. It has interferred with my relationships with men; my husband knows but doesn’t have a clue that the rage deep inside of me still bubbles from time to time. When I was younger, there was no help for victims at least in the ‘clinical therapy’ sense and you sure didn’t talk about it for fear of being ostrasized in some way. I never told my mother (because I didn’t want to hurt her), something I regret to this day. I feel for you and appreciate your hard work in getting past this. Keep strong!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, my heart aches for you. There are far too many of “us”, one is too many.
Wendy Lynn
Wendy – First I want to applaud your courage and your strength. It cannot have been easy for you to have written what you have shared. Your story was difficult for me to read. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and rape. I had three different sexual abuse perpetrators before the age of 18; my father, my mother’s second husband and my sister’s first husband. I ended up married to a man who raped me on a regular basis. (I got out of that marriage in less than a year) I am still working through the trauma and damage done by the abuse I suffered as a child, a teen and an adult. I have worked through much of the pain and shame in therapy but the work continues. This is the first time I’m writing about this in a public forum. My current therapist has encouraged me to write about my struggles and my triumphs. For some reason, reading your story inspired me to begin the process of sharing what I went through – sharing it so that perhaps anyone struggling with the damage of rape and sexual abuse might read my words and know that they are not alone. Therapy has been a lifesaving process for me. The work I’ve done has mended many of the broken and shattered pieces of my soul and spirit. And, the work has given me a voice. A voice that stands strong and says “This happened to me. I am not making it up. I was abused and raped. And doing this to me or to any other human being is WRONG.”
Thank you for your voice, Wendy. Yours has inspired mine.
First of all, I am so sorry that you had to endure all of the traumas, By people that supposedly loved you. If took a great deal of courage to write this, I know. Your story brought tears to my eyes, and I wish I could take away your pain. For some people it does help to share and talk it out. I helped me, and it’s helping you, as hard as it is. I am proud of you, proud you got out of that abusive relationship, proud you found your voice! You’re never alone, I promise you that.
Thank you for reading my story and sharing with me your story.
Wendy Lynn
thank you for your truth and story. i lived with my abusers. i told the police in 5th grade my grandfather was abusing me. they let my mother(not what i would call her any more) take me home and keep me up all night until after 2am telling me i was wrong, that her father would never do such a thing to me, so the following morning we went back to the police and i had to tell them that i lied. shortly after this, my brother began sexually abusing me. i finally told again when i was 15 and told him to leave me alone or i would tell. got myself into foster care, went thru court and all that. it’s been 25 years, and i still have issues with the female in my life who told me that i wasn’t abused, that i could not tell my safe people about being pregnant from my brother. it takes a long time and a lot of work to feel safe. i’ve been in a relationship now for 15 years with a man who i trust with my heart and love. it does take time, and it will always hurt, but it does get better, the scars heal over and the pain gets less. thank you for your story and the truth.
Love and prayers coming your way…thank you for your beauty and strength on this earth.
Wendy, Thank you for sharing an extremely difficult story, your story! I know it will help others who might find themselves in a similar situation, just knowing there are people here who care, want to help and know how and what they might be going through. I’m sorry for the pain of your assault and continued pain from family, and even now from some people right here whose first comments are about victims lying to get an abortion. As a mom I wish I could take all the pain and suffering from all that have been victims of such horrific things and replace it with love, kindness and understanding, you all are in my heart.
Your words brought tears to my eyes, and joy to my heart. Thank you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and blog. It was gruelling to write, let alone share. I also thank you for your replies and words. I am in a much better place, living my life in happiness. Each of you are appreciated, more than I can express.
Rob, thank you for giving me a platform to use my voice, I hope others can learn from this.
Wendy Lynn
Unfortunately, quite a few girls shout rape when they find themselves pregnant after sex and want to plead innocence and have an abortion. Experienced professionals can tell the difference. When I worked in a GU clinic the girls who said they were raped were brought to us and we had a seperate room where our consellor could talk to them (it was furnished like a sitting room might be at home) and if possible swabs etc. We would be suspicious of some as soon as they walked in from their behaviour. The counsellor when she came out would either say ‘and I took a trip to the moon last night without a rocket.’ Or ‘Poor bloody kid. The police had better not bring him here cos I’ll wring his **** neck’ This is the main trouble, the ones who cry wolf make it so bad and so much more difficult for those who haven’t and really have been raped.
I do understand your message. However, in all of my experience with other victims, it is a mentality such as part of your message, that is an issue. Yes, there are some that make a false accusation (my very own flesh and blood thought the same of me), however far often these accusations are very much REAL.
In my opinion, seasoned professionals can be wrong too. Not every victim is crying rape.
I understand what you’re saying, but as I say, unfortunately, it’s the ones who cry wolf who make it bad for the others. Thanksfully, most of the professionals (at least in UK) can tell the difference.
Sorry, have worked in the medical field for 20 years and nothing and no one in infallible….(even the “professionals”). I am also a cops daughter and I’m going to tell you straight that you are living in a fantasy world if you think the most reported rapes are false. That happens very infrequently. In fact, most rapes are never reported becasue of the confusion, trauma and shame….or, like this person in the article..are not believed.
People who are raped are violated both physically and emotionally. I think you need to give some thought to developing some compassion and locating your heart.
Please read my post properly. I said it is the ones who cry wolf that make it bad for the real victims. In other words, it the one out of a thousand that are publicised. The real victims, the 999 nothing is hardly said about them.
I think that the fact that you “chose” to comment on false reports in response to this article, perfectly highlights why your response is troubling….after all these years, we continue to talk about the reasons WHY its hard to believe when rape is committed, and the reasons people think it could have been prevented.
I suppose you can choose to continue to focus on “false reports”. Your call. Or you can dust off your empathy and compassion and decide to focus on the heart of this article and where we have to do better as people on this earth.
Why is it difficult to believe when a person says they have been raped. I’ve told you, it’s because it’s the false calls are the ones that get all the headlines. sorry but if you can’t understand that, there must be something wrong with your reasoning.
maybe there is a reason that they need to lie. maybe it is true. it is not your call to tell people that they are crying wolf. maybe if all were believed, there would be less need to say people are crying wolf. there is no way to tell the difference. i was told by my mother to tell the police i had lied. when you are a child or not heard for your truth, you feel shame for the rest of your life. if abortion were made so that all who needed it were allowed to get it, maybe there would be no more people “crying wolf”. i realize a child probably should not have a baby. i also realize that a child should not have sex. but they are children, not grown up enough to always think thru what the actions they are doing can cause. even adults have problems realizing in the heat of the moment that they could get pregnant with just one action one time.
I understand what you’re saying, but when a woman cries wolf, the man becomes the victim. Most of the ones I’ve come across are because they’ve got pregnant and they didn’t want the family to know that they had willingly slept sexually with a man. No it doesn’t happen often, but it does happen.
Poor girls who were mocked after being raped. I have yet to meet a “professional” who could be that certain of a lie, and to take that stand with rape is deplorable. No doubt there are liars, but I certainly wouldn’t want to bet on who is lying about being raped.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt and compassionate thoughts….Betty and Lita ❤
Thank you for sharing.
you’re welcome and thank you for reading.
Your story broke my heart. Your family should be ashamed… To make you feel even more alone after such a traumatic event. I am so very sorry.
I hope you’ve found peace and have a fantastic life now. You more than deserve it. You’re in my thoughts…. Your story – and your bravery in sharing it – made me cry.
Thank you so much for your moving reply.
Wow, and I mean, wow. Everything you said, made me clench my teeth. I still shake my head in disbelief that people can be so insensitive, so cruel. If it happened to them they wouldn’t be so mouthy. And that’s where I find solace. I know for a fact, what comes around goes around. Karma is real. I’ve witnessed it and experienced it. So, have no fear, people who talk like that will pay a price.
Someone very close to me was molested as a child and I confronted the offender. Actually, I came that close to killing her. The offender is a family member as is the victim. It’s taken years and my family remains torn. Half my siblings won’t bother with the woman and other half still talk to her. As for me, well, it’s best if I never see her again.
I’m appalled, your family has some serious issues. To allow your uncle to walk away, basically free of punishment is wrong. You should have been their first and only priority. Your uncle is a sad excuse for a human being, and he is exactly the reason I believe in the death penalty and why it should be used for more than just murders. People like him don’t deserve to breathe. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth, and how I feel personally. Abuse of any kind, and that’s exactly what this is, is not acceptable on any level. And I don’t care what color you are, what your political or religious beliefs, I don’t care what your sexuality is, or your sexual preference; no one has the right to control, manipulate, or abuse anyone else.
I’m so sorry, and I hope that somehow you find a way to heal. I also hope that the other lady, the one who was raped by her partner finds a way out of that relationship. You’re both in my prayers.
You will be in my prayers as well. Today is my grandfathers funeral, and my Uncle is attending. I refuse to be there in person. I visited my grandfather two weeks ago, made peace with him and said my goodbye then. That’s good enough for me.
I hope your family member, the victim has found happiness and was able to move on to a loving, happy, nuturing life.
Thank you. It saddens me to hear that you couldn’t attend the funeral, though I completely understand. But I’m also happy for you, that you still had the opportunity to make peace with your grandfather.
The victim was my daughter. She was molested by my cousin (uncle’s daughter). The incident occurred on day we attended my mother-in-law’s funeral. We needed a babysitter. At that time I’d never left my daughter with anyone aside from my mother, but we needed the help. I didn’t think taking a 3 year old to a funeral would be appropriate, especially to the funeral of someone she loved. My mother suggested I leave her with my cousin. Needless to say, it turned out to be a mistake. The police were involved, it tore the whole family apart. Everyone argued. I did confront my cousin, nearly did some serious damage. I’d probably be in jail right now it it hadn’t of been for my father and brothers. Then I discovered my daughter wasn’t the only one. My cousin had hurt many others.
You mentioned ‘the victim has found happiness’. She was so young, and the doctor never found any strong physical evidence, the police felt that taking her to a counselor might worsen the situation. I did talk to my daughter about it. The only thing she asked was if mommy (me) had taken care of the bad person. I said yes and promised her, she would never see her again. She seemed satisfied with my answer at the time and gradually went back to being her cheerful little self. She has never mentioned the incident since.
I was 24 then, now I’m 43. My daughter was 3 and now she’s almost 22. Did it affect her? I’m positive to some degree, in her subconscious mind. She seems very happy and does have a productive life. For me, it remains a vivid memory, something I can’t shake. I don’t blame myself anymore, that stopped long ago. We haven’t seen my cousin since. She doesn’t attend any family functions, she’s even disowned my uncle and her sisters. And, I’ve heard through the grapevine, she’s got some serious personal demons she’s fighting.
Thanks for the prayers!