My mother just turned 86, and my father turned 88. I am now parenting my parents in many ways. This past week, I was working at my parents’ house to move them closer to me so I can care for them on a more consistent basis.
I love my folks very much. I have noticed for many people, myself included, we have one parent that we tend to put on a pedestal and one who seems to know each and every one of our hot buttons, how to find them, and how to do a regular happy dance on them. My dad is my pedestal guy. We can have a knock-down, drag-out fight, and an hour later, all is forgiven and flowers seem to spring from his every step. My mother, on the other hand, can catch me with the wrong turn-of-phrase and I will see red for days.
Red colored my vision the other day as I was packing a box of old papers in preparation for their move. The files I had to go through seemed endless. As I neared the bottom of one stack, I came across a beaten brown manila folder that stopped me dead. It was labeled “Rob’s homosexuality.” This was certainly a subject for discussion that my parents and I have had for over thirty years now. I was not aware, however, that it had warranted its own special file.
Even so, the folder was a pleasant surprise. In it was a letter from early 1992 that I received from my cousin asking me pointed questions about my sexual orientation. The file also contained a copy of my response to him. (My cousin must have sent these to my parents; I don’t recall giving the letters to them.) The last item in the file was a letter from my mother to her cousin, written in November 1992, a full decade after I had come out to my parents.
The letter my mother wrote was a follow-up, apparently, to a visit they made to their families that summer. From the story the letter told, my parents had done their own coming out, about me, to the rest of the family. It did not go well. In the letter, my mother described the “distinct disapproval of some factions of the family.” Her cousin had not been one of them, instead offering my parents acceptance and support. In the letter, my mother elaborated on her own viewpoint. She stated, “It is a complex subject, but the main issue of misunderstanding with society at large seems to be the matter of ‘choice.’ As Rob succinctly explained it, he ‘chose’ to be heterosexual since no one chooses to be the butt of scorn and rejection, but that it just isn’t there for him…After a number of unhappy years of struggling with his own private hell, he finally came to the conclusion that God made him this way for a reason—that rather than giving into suicide like a number of his friends, his life IS worth something . . . The bottom line is that we have not seen Rob this happy since he was a little boy.”
The impact of this understanding from my mother twenty years earlier floored me. It reflected a decade of fights and evolution on her part, not only in terms of her perspective, but also her willingness to come forward about it to our relatives and defend me in the way she did. The fact that she did so at a time when homophobia was at an all-time high was not lost on me.
Then, like the screech of a needle being ripped across a melodious LP, or an MP3 recording skipping—depending on your generation—there it was—THE PHRASE. She wrote, “Having been through the gamut of emotions and ten years of soul searching, study and counseling, we have finally arrived at a peaceful acceptance. We are now convinced that Rob was born with a handicap and all we can do is love and support him in the same way we would with any other kind of handicap.”
Handicap? Really?
There is nothing in me that believes that an LGBT person is handicapped by his or her sexual or gender orientation. We have no challenges caused by who and what we are.
That being said, and with a few days’ reflection, there is one aspect in which I can see homosexuality being treated as a handicap, especially from a legal perspective. That “handicap” would be in the area of a couple’s biological fertility. Just as some heterosexual couples are biologically and hormonally blocked from procreating, gay and lesbian couples experience the same kind of “handicap.” Each person may be completely able to procreate with some partners, just not with the one with whom they happen to be sharing their lives. One course of action for the heterosexual couple is hormonal therapy, surrogacy, or adoption. For the gay or lesbian couple it may be surrogacy or adoption.
This of course speaks to the major crux of the current anti-gay, anti-marriage equality position: that gay and lesbian couples should be denied marriage because they are unable to physically procreate with their spouses. If one defines this as a handicap, however, that nullifies this point as a legal argument against marriage. In all other cases dealing with handicaps, viable accommodations and work-arounds are mandated. Handicap issues are not grounds for disqualification when the accommodation mitigates the issue. People with physical challenges are not prevented from driving or walking into buildings; handicapped parking and walk ramps are provided. Persons with workplace challenges by law must be given accommodation and access so that they can effectively exercise their professions.
Even if a gay or lesbian couple has an inability to physically procreate, and that condition is seen as a handicap, the legal precedent is to protect their rights, and enable them to participate fully. As too many studies to cite or count have amply demonstrated, gay and lesbian people are fully capable of parenting.
Blogger Angela Peene of evolequals.com observed, “The definition of ‘handicapped’ is having a condition that markedly restricts one’s ability to function physically, mentally, or socially. In the social context, because of the condemnation and exclusion LGBT individuals have received in the past decades, maybe they could qualify under this heading. However, I am sincerely hoping that this label of handicap is on its way out. Equality is in the air.”
There is an argument that homophobia might qualify, but that is another article.
So, Mom, I am going to give you this one, especially in light of your complete willingness to evolve these past three decades. You have stood up and allowed yourself to challenge an avalanche of misconceptions from your past, and many from your current peers. You are brave, you are fair, and you are my honor and one of my greatest heroes.
If you want to think of my homosexuality as a handicap in terms of my biological fertility, so be it. As we often assert in our fight for equality, a family is made from love, and love makes a family. And it’s a well proved fact that you adore your two grandchildren (my sons), who came to us by adoption.
Now, if you can just try to remember that I hate being served lima beans, then we will be good. Love and kisses forever.
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Thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.
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evoL = 
Nope, nope, definitely nope!
People who think that being gay is an issue are irrelevant. I pity them. I see them and think, “Shady Pines, Ma.”
Gee, and we so-called straight species might be considered abnormal and handicapped by LGBT. I cannot understand why the world persists in being so narrow-minded and discriminatory towards LGBT people. Most of the times, I find them to be let’s say exactly like me, or you or the next person walking on the road! Wonderful rendition, kudos to writer!
Rob,
Gay is the new ‘black.’
It is the ‘white’ straight man who is handicapped.
But, of course, you wouldn’t see it that way.
A well written story. Thank you for sharing.
Ghost.
Thanks so much for posting this. I saw this shared on Facebook and decide to give it a read, not sure if the post was going to be intentionally inflammatory or delightfully open-minded. I am so glad that not only did your mom defend you as she began to try her best to change her views — I’m glad you gave her credit for trying, even if her wording in the letter probably wasn’t the best. On top of that, you really tried to look through her lenses and explore the realm of what it must be like to consider homosexuality a disability. I am nearing my 26th birthday and It wasn’t until maybe a year ago that I told my mom I’m not straight. Growing up with her, she was very, very religious and I was always in private schools. For the past 4 years, though, she’s been working at a position high up in the CA university system and she was really exposed to what diversity and tolerance and acceptance are. I walked out to the living room one day to find her watching Ellen, who she told me she just loved. At that point I decided it might finally be safe to tell her (though I’m sure her husband still isn’t on the same page), and she told me she’ll love me no matter what and we kept the conversation going like I’d just said the sky was blue. I know that’s a way different reaction than what I’d have gotten 10 years ago, and I’m so proud of the way things have changed.
Rob,
Well written blog! I cannot even imagine what the LGBT community goes through when they come out. The oppression and judgment. I do follow Jesus (I’m not sure if you do or not…I just read this only post) and would be considered some-what “conservative” in my views. With that said, I am interested to know more about your journey. Did you always know you were gay? Is that even a stupid question…like did I always know i was straight? I guess I just stumbled across your blog and found this particular post intriguing.
Hi- Thanks for the comments and the question. If you click on robw77 you should find my archive, the articles of which chronicle much of my journey. I do follow Jesus as my spiritual path.
This piece in particular would give you insight to my young life and my growing awareness of being gay:
Thanks for asking!
great. I’ll read up on it. All the best to you and your family!
Hi
My name is Kevin Gillespie, I live in Wales. 🙂
Thank You for this, MUCH Appreciated. :).
I am now Following your Blog. :).
Best Wishes
Welcome, Kevin! And thank you so much!
Reblogged this on Kevs' Blog and commented:
Is Homosexuality A Handicap?. Does a Turkey vote for Christmas?.
Lovely read. Thank you for writing this wonderful piece. I shall be following you from now on. Please continue the great work.
Thank you!
Such a beautiful piece. The most inspiring I’ve read this far, and I’ve been on WordPress for a few months. If you haven’t thought about this already, you should really channel your writing talent into a novel; autobiographical perhaps? Congrats
Thank you Laura. Do I get to pick who gets to play me in the movie? 🙂
Your compliment means a lot to me–thank you.
The question doesn’t qualify an answer. Only those who haven’t yet found a way to remove their heads from their asses would even entertain the idea of homosexuality as being a handicap. One must ask those who insist that homosexuality is a choice, must also answer the question – at what time in their lives did they decide they were heterosexual?
very well written and very well deserved freshly pressed! while i understand the reasoning for considering this, i think it would be crippling not enabling. while in one hand it would “allow” for gay marriage, it would then create the idea that being gay/lesbian is a disability when it’s not. i agree with a previous commenter that love should be the only criteria. everyone else should just butt out lol. i once said in a post i wrote about being 4’8″ (that’s not a typo haha) that i know people who are probably more disabled than anyone who, by definition, is disabled. seems to me a way of thinking is the disability because it hinders much more than any physical/emotional/mental disability ever could. i can’t imagine encouraging that kind of thought process, but perhaps that’s just me. thanks for sharing this!
Homosexuality is a behavior that can be overcome, if the person truly loves God and Christ and wants to be saved. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 was written to Christians. It reads:
“Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexual immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God; And that is what some of you were. But, you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ by the Spirit of our God.”
Jesus died on the cross for our sins, was buried, and was raised three days later. His blood washes away our sins. People can change their behavior if they truly love Jesus and want to be saved.
Connie
http://kingjesusblog.wordpress.com/
Seriously? That old tired rhetoric again? Listen, Jesus/God DID help me out with my homosexualtiy. He made me realize that He made me this way, that I was born this way and that there is nothing wrong with me. It’s judgmental people like you, hiding behind an old book of lies, that create so much hatred and intolerance in our society. Read less of the bible and be MORE Christ-like.
I’m just telling you what the Bible says. I’m not judging, I’m simply telling you the truth.
So tell us dear Constance, at what time in your life did you make the conscious decision that you wanted to be heterosexual?
Oh and by the way Constance, not judging? You need to do some serious soul searching.
When I first became aware that my female body was made by God to receive man for the purpose of procreation. When I realized that males and females, both human and animal, were designed the way they are to continue to species…to multiply. That’s why God made them male and female.
That doesn’t answer the question. Tell us the exact moment when you decided to be heterosexual.If you believe it’s a choice then when did you make your choice? Yesterday, a month ago? Surely you remember that glorious day when you decided that you were not sexually attracted to women.
Thank you for opportunity to testify. In all honesty, sir, I cannot give you the exact month, day, hour and minute that I decided to use my body as God so beautifully designed it to be used. I can only say that it was obvious to me at a young age that boys and girls were different for a reason. I noticed that I had a mommy and a daddy and understood that it took a mommy and a daddy for me and my brothers and sisters to be born. It was obvious to me that it was God’s plan, because I also had grandmothers and grandfathers who who were parents to my parents.
I understood that it is absolutely natural for males and females to produce children together.
It is a decision to be heterosexual or homosexual, as you note in your question to me. People decide to obey God’s obvious plan or not to disobey it. His plan is laid out in Genesis 2:24.
In Mark 10:6-7, Jesus said, “But, at the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
No sir, I cannot tell you the exact time and place where I decided to be heterosexual, but it was obvious to me by how I made that my female body was naturally made for partnership with a male.
And, God did say, “Be fruitful and multiply and increase in number” in Genesis 1:28. Some people decide to say “Yes” to God, and some decided to say “No”. Am I saying homosexuals are deciding to say “No” to God? Yes.
Thank you for opportunity to testify. In all honesty, sir, I cannot give you the exact month, day, hour and minute that I decided to use my body as God so beautifully designed it to be used. I can only say that it was obvious to me at a young age that boys and girls were different for a reason. I noticed that I had a mommy and a daddy and understood that it took a mommy and a daddy for me and my brothers and sisters to be born. It was obvious to me that it was God’s plan, because I also had grandmothers and grandfathers who who were parents to my parents.
I understood that it is absolutely natural for males and females to produce children together.
It is a decision to be heterosexual or homosexual, as you note in your question to me. People decide to obey God’s obvious plan or not to disobey it. His plan is laid out in Genesis 2:24.
In Mark 10:6-7, Jesus said, “But, at the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
No sir, I cannot tell you the exact time and place where I decided to be heterosexual, but it was obvious to me by how I made that my female body was naturally made for partnership with a male.
And, God did say, “Be fruitful and multiply and increase in number” in Genesis 1:28. Some people decide to say “Yes” to God, and some decided to say “No”. Am I saying homosexuals are deciding to say “No” to God? Yes.
Hi Constance, thanks so much for your feedback. I understand that you believe that you are “just telling us what the Bible says” and “not judging”. Thanks for that intent.
You must be aware that the Bible says that you, being a woman, are deceived…and you should not be on a blog such as this preaching to men. “1 Timothy 2:12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”
You are right about the literal interpretation of the Bible giving you all the bodily functions that you are so grateful for, but in order to not be a hypocrit, you should now be silent and go be saved through childbearing.
The rest of us who take inspiration from the Bible and not weaponry, will continue on with the conversation. We understand the dangers of a literal interpretation, especially one where you use it against others and to inspire prejudice.
You see, I don’t believe that women should be silent…. but the literal interpretation of the Bible does. I don’t believe that everything in the Bible is meant to be a law today…like killing women who are not virgins when they marry… but the literal interpretation of the Bible does.
So let’s be clear. If you share here, we will look past the literal interpretation and listen to you, But if you share here, it would be appreciated if you do it without jugement or malice, and your posts were filled with both.
I love this reply. Much much love and respect ❤
I’m not even going to comment to this one.
No, Constance, not replying would be biblically prudent based on your belief system. It is your original comments that violate what you profess to believe in, except for the obvious, the rules in that system you choose to “follow” are the ones for other people, but the ones that seem to address you are worthy to be ignored.
I’ve never chosen to follow a blog until I just read this. Huge respect for you and your brilliant way with words.
Hi Constance-
Thank you for your continued dialogue. Your last post is in our “pending” file as you are spamming with verses you have already posted.
You are welcome to continue to post, even though you have not answered for your own hypocrisy in doing so. Please also look at our evoL= articles on the Bible, and Matthew Vines work on the pieces of scripture that you are quoting here.
The quote from Corinthians which you take out of context is based on an original word that literally means “man-bed”. Scholars believe the author was talking about those men who preyed on temple prostitutes, not lgbt people. The Romans quote is clearly out of context as it refers to people who have rejected God, worship half man, half animal idols and had orgies in temples. That too does not describe lgbt people. Your previous quote from Mark was taken out of context when Jesus was discussing divorce, not marriage, and He was doing so in the context of a society where women were seen as property.
Nothing you stated speaks to “God’s Word” or “Law”. If you are a believer in Christ, I would have you refer to Hebrews 8 where it defines the New Covenant (law) of Christ as being written on the “hearts and minds”. Your arguments insult the concept that the Bible lays out there by deciding that your mind and your life instincts override those of other people who have their own minds and hearts and connection to their own Higher Power.
If you would like to discuss, please feel free. Spamming will be treated as a violation. Thanks again for your input.
Why must there always be one? I’m straight and I know that homosexuality isn’t a choice, just like being straight isn’t. I didn’t chose to be born in my country. I didn’t chose to be born a female. I didn’t chose to be born straight. But I am straight. Though sometimes I wish I was otherwise just to piss people like you off. I mean dolphins are gay and other dolphins are accepting. Learn something from them. Oh, and you can chose to be accepting, or a bigot.
I must say, if patience were a virtue, robw77 would be a candidate for sainthood. Personally, if it were *my* blog comments’ section and Constance kept spouting her intolerance, I would have removed her inane bigoted posts in the first instance.
I meant in my last comment that I do not apologize for telling you the truth of what the scriptures say. I do NOT apologize.
interesting argument – and one in which you get to understand and forgive your mum ‘s use of that word. whilst I believe the words people use are hugely important (check out my blog for some recent examples) but context is everything, and her context was most definitely love.
http://www.stewymchugh.wordpress.com
I don’t think that it is a handicap but I do believed it is formed in much the same way as person with a handicap. If that makes since. Most developmental disabilities are formed due to some genetic defect and I believe people who are gay also have some genetic defect. One doesn’t wake up and decide to be gay and some may believe that it is a choice. Something goes wrong in the genetic make up as any other biological condition in my opinion.
That was beautiful. Well done.
You covered a lot of nuances quite masterfully and I love that you found it in your heart not only to appreciate your Mom’s efforts, but to publicly acknowledge them. That is what love is all about. Great post!
Really heartfelt and insightful. I love it!
I think it can be so hard for parents to accept children that haven’t grown up the way they wanted them to. Good on you and your mom for maintaining a relationship even though it’s been hard. That is quite a feat itself…
Love this! Take a Look at the New Body Image Project blog on Survival, Patience and Legacy http://wp.me/p3yyyC-2O
Wonderfully written!
Reblogged this on amor bruja and commented:
Sexuality will always remain to be a juicy topic even in the generations to come. Despite the many talks, one thing is certain – if you are not afraid to show the world who you really are, the world will not be so hesitant to put its loving arms around you. 🙂
Speaking as both gay-identified, and disability-identified, you don’t really need to go through these mental exercises to see parallels between homosexuality and disability. If you frame homosexuality as an inability to form romantic relationships with members of the opposite sex, it sounds like disability. That may sound convoluted and backwards, but it’s exactly the attitude we bring to disability. It is a failure to live up to society’s expectations, nothing more. There is no good reason why homosexuality should have been removed from the DSM while other conditions remain. I don’t advocate these other conditions should follow suit, (I proudly own the term “disabled”); rather, we need to reframe disability and drop the ablist perspective.
Reblogged this on oogenhand and commented:
It would indeed cut out the Judeo-Christian objection to gay marriage.
No it wouldn’t. It would put the onus on the individual, since that is how we view disability. Even laws, (the ADA, for instance), fail to fully address the societal attitude that “it’s your problem, not ours,” and the perspective that lack of access/inclusion/equality is not the injustice; rather, the existence of disability is the injustice. It is for this reason that Gay activists fought to have homosexuality removed from the DSM in the 1970s, and thereby elevated homosexuality, by separating themselves from their disabled brothers and sisters who are fighting for the same rights. It is the aforementioned perspectives that disability activists are fighting against.
I mean, really: do Judeo-Christians view disabled people as equals having the same rights, or as pitiful charity cases?
Personally, as a Christian? I do view disabled people as having equal rights. I also have no problems with gay marriage (I’d be a hypocrite if I did). Please don’t tar everyone with the same brush! This post raises an interesting idea, especially if you subscribe to the school of thought that disabilities are societal constructs rather than being innate – if society were more accommodating, then being gay, or being unable to walk, or being deaf, or anything else not “normal” would not be as disabling.
You’re fantastic exactly how you are – and quite a prolific blogger. 🙂
The people who consider homosexuality a “handicap”, are actually the ones “handicap”.
it is an act of evil to GOD
lol
Precisely, Amber 😉
It’s a strange family that keeps a file on their son’s homosexuality. Did they work for the CIA or something? (joke). I’m heterosexual to the point you might call me a homophobe, but I’ve always been unhappy with the idea that homosexuality is a handicap which gays are stuck with in the same way that many people who are born with some kind of mental or physical disability are. But suggesting that homophobia is a handicap undermines the pretence that this is all about equality. I have to admit as a heterosexual that I have no concept of what it is to be gay (is that a handicap?). I can only say (although there is a lot more to be said) that whether you believe in creation or evolution, the male and female bodies are designed for a sexual purpose as they are everywhere else in nature where male /female exists. The basis of the homosexual relationship is an unnatural sexual union between two members of the same sex. No matter how you wish to dress it up, that is a plain fact.
If you believe in Creation or Evolution, there has to be some rationale for the existence of homosexuality. That is a plain fact.
What is the rationale then?
It increases the resources available to children by ensuring that there are aunts and uncles around who aren’t putting their effort into kids of their own. Two parents are NOT enough for a passel of kids without help. Aunt Marge who’s lived with her girl roommate for the past couple decades makes a great babysitter and can help contribute to the kid’s college fund.
interesting – then why does homosexuality show up in nature….? because it does. plenty of animals have displayed homosexual tendencies (and no i don’t just mean when a dog is trying to show dominance – not the same thing) and science has shown it tends to happen even more when a population is too large. just a thought.
I’ve never heard of increased homosexuality in populations which are too large. Is that homosexuality as a percentage of the total population or simply larger numbers which you would get in a larger population anyway. So the only purpose or rationale for homosexuality is population control
Except the anus is perfectly designed to accept a penis and produce pleasure. After all, the male G-spot is one penis length up the butt.
well that’s ok if you want faeces on your penis
I just added to a blog of mine about keeping a person alive at all costs. I had the additional experience of having to let my wife transition to Heaven. Experience modifies what I believed four years ago. Maybe even softens it and makes it more wholesome. What your mother used as her standard 21 years ago was the best she could do in her world of the unknown. I am sure with her experience her standard became more loving and accepting. Even though she liked lima beans we all loved her the best we could in your story.
My mother is similar, I myself am straight, but I have always been an advocate for equality in this regard. Homosexuality isn’t a sin, it isn’t a “life choice,” and it is completely natural. My parents are intensely religious, and they sort of treat LGBT’s like a sort of sinister creature from a cautionary tale. It’s almost as if they are mythological to my mother, and my dad has simply chosen to ignore the issue all together. Whenever it is brought up in conversation, there is an immediate war, and it frustrates me that your mother and my mother seem to have that much in common. She may love you, but at the same time, she figures you have this “crippling” problem that will never go away. My heart goes out to you, and I hope your mother continues to change her mindset, she’s already halfway there in fact, but until she sees it as something completely normal there will always be a rift.
This is beautiful — and good on your mum! My favourite line was “he finally came to the conclusion that God made him this way for a reason”, because … well, I can’t properly articulate how much I agree with that idea. People are very ready to say that God made us all, and yet act in a homophobic manner … as though they think God made a mistake, or created somebody to be condemned (which really doesn’t seem like something he’d do). I therefore assume that he knew what he was doing, even if I don’t. Even if nobody else does. He’s got a plan, somewhere, and it’ll become apparent. Eventually.
Your mother should be proud of you. Nobody with a handicap could ever write it so eloquently xx
good news is that people are slowly, but steadily opening their arms to these ‘special’ people. i feel this should start from one’s home….families of such people need to understand that they aren’t handicapped; instead God has given them something unique…hope people realise this.
This is a great piece, thanks for sharing. It does a really nice job of highlighting how difficult it can be to break out of heteronormative, anti-gay rhetoric even after one has decided to accept and love someone for who they are. My knee-jerk reaction might have been anger or frustration, but I think your reflective approach has far more potential.
Thank you!
I am shocked that you wrote this!!!
Lima beans, really??!!
They’re delicious!!
Loved your story.
LOL… OMG… am I… could it be…. I am a…..Limaphobe? OY! Thanks for the comment!
“There is an argument that homophobia might qualify, but that is another article” … now that’s a post I look forward to reading. Thanks for this post. My daughter’s friend recently came out (they are in high school), and his parents were horrified. Shocked. Didn’t see it coming (?!!!??). The young man’s father feels like a failure as a father etc. I am hopeful that, once they have time to think about things, they will come around to honoring and supporting the lovely young man they have raised, and will become his champions the way your parents have been for you.
I so hope they come around. It was a long path with my folks and not as much support as there is now. Sending hopes and prayers for your friend. Thank you for sharing that…
Do your parents consider homosexuality a “handicap” now, or have they moved on? After all, that letter was written 21 years ago, wasn’t it?
Great question. I don’t think they do, however, my mother can be a bit of a wild card on that type of thing….so I am just going to assume that she doesn’t, and give her the benefit of the doubt and to your point, an extra 20 years of experience. Thanks for the question.
Thanks for giving me something to read. Personally, I never looked at my mom and her partner as having a handicap. I always saw them as regular people who love each other and raised four kids wonderfully.
Well…there are plenty of things about my sisters I wouldn’t mind changing.
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
My mother used to defend me many times. When we went to places and people asked if I was a man or a woman she would tell this person straight out she has the same thing you do. In a very vulgar way too.
Another thing that my mother did was that she always told this neighbor of ours that I was very decent, because I never was with a man and then a woman back and forth. That at least I stuck with one sex. She said that since the woman’s daughter was back and forth with men and women.
We have so much to learn about the bravery of our parents, because they can accept us, but society won’t. They have a harder time adjusting to that.
My mother died and next to her by her side was I. I know that my mother had problems with drinking, but she was strong. My father disowned me, because I was gay. I didn’t care, because I still had my mother. There is always one parent that will stand by your side if they really love you and take being a parent seriously.
Thanks to mothers like ours that will not push us aside and will always accept us as their kid forever no matter what. I guess this is what being a loving parent all about. The greatest advice of all is to love your children no matter what. If you don’t love them who will.
so eloquent brother. I hope you can write more of this.
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I never heard anyone say an infertile heterosexual couple had a handicap, although the bible does seem to portray it as the worst thing that could happen. I think hate and bigotry are a handicap. To me, my gay friends are like my red haired friends….unusual, but especially beautiful!!!
🙂
I think you should be cooking for your mom. How many years has she cooked for you? Maybe she likes lima beans. 🙂 You sound like a loving, wonderful son, and I hope my sons grow up to be as forgiving and understanding of any mistakes I make. God knows, therapists need to make a living, too.
She actually prefers going out and being wined and dined…. and we do plenty of that!
Strangely, she has never ordered lima beans… hmmmmmmm….
Ahh, maybe she knows how to get your goat!
I loved this piece- you made some really salient points about who we are to the rest of the world. I hope that in return, you’ll read one of my posts, and hope to give you as much fun as I had here. 🙂 http://theantileslie.com/2013/04/11/myths-about-gay-people/
And I did! Nice job!
Awesome!!! Thank you so much!!!!
Ugh! That’s really awkward when the terms that helped calm your mother keep herself calm are exactly the terms that could drive you crazy. Her actions are obviously pretty cool, but, wow, wouldn’t it be nice to not see everything behind the curtain sometimes?
It’s only a handicap in the same sense that above-average intelligence and sensitivity are handicaps. Anything that makes one unusual or less able to blend seamlessly into the majority will sometimes be a disadvantage, except when the distinction acts as a blessing. Anyway, we are what we are. That’s more important to me than defining the balance of causes between genetics, environment and will. It’s more pragmatic to accept whatever we are, celebrate it and work with it.
For god’s sake she’s 86. Eat your lima beans! That’s a nifty discovery that you made. Did you ask your mom about it? I’m sure in her own way, she didn’t mean anything by using the word handicap.
I hear you… but no, no, no…. I will NOT eat Lima beans! Thanks for the comment!
don’t eat the lima beans. they are gross. don’t do it man.
Love this, So much !!
So beautifully written! For the record, if anyone raises the issue of fertility in the context of marriage, not everyone can have or want children anyway. I had a hysterectomy two years ago and no amount of hormones will get me pregnant. I have two adult children anyway. I’m still getting married and my fiance doesn’t want children. Neither do I to be honest. But that doesn’t mean we are legally barred from marrying, so procreation of children should not be an issue for marriage equality. I know of a couple who married in their fifties (their previous spouses had died) and no one said that they couldn’t marry because they were unable to have children. The only criteria should be love.
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Absolutely beautifully written. Your mother should be quite proud.