Video has again captured a “Christian” parent behaving badly. This week, the Facebook and Twitter mega-page Stop-Homophobia broadcast out a post depicting the plight of a lady named Kelly.
Public disapproval over who could marry whom was an issue for Kelly’s family early on. Her father is black, and her mother is white. Kelly and her brother were bullied frequently in the small town of Guntersville Alabama. They were the only mixed race kids in town. Kelly was quiet and shy and kept to herself.
When she was 16, Kelly found a name for the identity that had been growing within her: lesbian. Her feelings had been developing for a while, but it came to fruition when she started a relationship with a girl in her class. Kelly was confident that the hardships her parents had gone through would make them accepting of who she was growing up to be. She was wrong. “At the time I thought that being gay that my parents being a bi-racial couple that they would be more accepting. My father had nothing to say. Til this day he hasn’t spoken about me being a lesbian. My mother freaked out. She put me in counseling to try to make me straight.” The counseling did not change Kelly, as her mother had hoped but in fact, made her more confident in who she is.
Kelly’s mother kicked her out of the house. While her father did not intervene, he divorced her mother shortly thereafter, and Kelly suspects that her mother’s behavior might have been a contributing factor. Kelly found refuge with her aunt in Huntsville, Alabama.
Kelly passed her GED, and did not see or hear from her mother for over a year. After a period, Kelly’s mother made contact again. She said she had reconsidered, and wanted to re-establish contact. Kelly was reluctant but over time, resumed sporadic communications.
Eight years ago, Kelly had moved to Florida and met a woman named Leslie. Leslie fell in love with Kelly immediately, and had to work hard to get through the protective emotional walls that Kelly had built up. Kelly over time was able to trust this wonderful woman in her life and to trust that the love they shared was real. As they quickly became soul mates, and were working towards a happy ever after in their life journeys, tragedy struck.
“I started breaking out all over my body and everything hurt. You couldn’t touch me without me screaming,“ Kelly states. What was first diagnosed as shingles, finally was determined to be Lupus, which was running out of control through Kelly’s body. She also was found to be suffering from both Fibromyalgia and Lumbar Disc Disease.
Conditions with the fibroid tumors led to a full hysterectomy. Kelly understands that at this point, her mother may have started doing fund raising in her local church. The funds presumably raised allowed for Kelly’s mother to come down for the operation. If other funds were raised to help Kelly, Kelly never received them.
Kelly’s heart has been damaged by Lupus. She was finally declared Disabled, and is on constant risk for heart attacks. Financially she was devastated and relies on Leslie for survival. Half of her disability income goes to pay past medical debt.
Kelly’s aunt was under the impression that money was coming into Kelly from Kelly’s mother and the church. Kelly decided to have a casual conversation with her mother by phone, tape it, and get confirmation for her aunt that no money was coming Kelly’s way.
The conversation (you can hear it below) did not go as Kelly had planned and instead of an admission that funds had been diverted, Kelly’s mother outlined the plan should Kelly pass away. Her exact words were, “You know Kelly, I tell you what. If you die before me…you know what, when you get dead, we’re going to go through your house and we are going to strip it, and that girl won’t have a pot to piss in…you little heifer, you have put my life through hell. Gay sh*t. I hate gay sh*t. I am not going to live my life telling you that I believe in two women being married. It is not in the Bible, it is a damned SIN! And I am ashamed you live with a damn woman… You go straight to Hell! Go to Hell, Bitch!” Where other videos speak to the horror of coming out to homophobic parents, this one speaks to the vital need for marriage protection for couples like Kelly and Leslie.
Kelly has not communicated with her mother since.
But I will:
An open message to Kelly’s mother:
I am the dad to two boys, 12 and 11 years old. When I got them as babies, I somehow knew that as a parent, I was being given a special charge. I was to throw all that I could muster to their well being, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I admit, that spiritual well-being takes an open hand since none of us has all the cosmic answers. I can only nurture them so they grow into good men and develop a consciousness of their own discovery within their soul to something greater. I do that through my own spiritual path and inspiration through Christ.
Emotionally, I strive to believe in them. I am learning who they are, and what they can accomplish. It is not mine to define them, but to witness them. It is mine to love them, cherish them and celebrate them and as an influencer of their sensitive self-worth, to do my best to make them as emotionally confident and grounded as possible.
Their physical well being is the most obvious and tactical. I care for that part of their well being every day. I make sure they are nourished, protected and healthy. In times when they have been sick, I have been amazed that an almost parental super power kicks in. I have been soaked in vomit, diarrhea and wiped snot. For some reason, from my sons, those things have not fazed me.
They are my charges, my charges from God. Kelly is your charge from God. In my opinion, there is no greater accomplishment that you could achieve that to be with her at the end of her life, and have her feel “Thank God for my mom,” and for you to know at the end of your life that you did all in your power to protect her.
Obviously, you are not there now. Your behavior is dark and evil and belongs more in the plot of a horror movie than in a mother/daughter relationship. That is your current legacy to bear and to rectify.
For your daughter, and for whom I do not presume to speak, I believe a change in you would bring forgiveness, as exemplary, on her part, as that sounds. One of her first comments to me was how she holds the recording of you to remind herself to stay away. She said, “ I will delete it when I find myself not missing her. As much as … she hurt me she is the only mother I had.”
It is time for you to find that higher calling as a mother. Step up. Your family needs you. Your family is plagued with a woman suffering from a terrible disease. The disease is ugly, painful, debilitating and it ruins the heart. That woman is not Kelly, it is you. The disease is not the horrible one of Lupus which Kelly has, it is the disease of Homphobia that you have. Kelly’s disease takes a lot to manage it and she needs a good deal of love and help around her. Your disease can be cured by a change of heart.
In the scheme of things, you have the option to institute a healing where Kelly cannot. You have the option of change. Kelly may not be able to find relief from the physical hell she has been through, but you can revolutionize her world anyway.
She needs a miraculous physical cure, but even more than that, she needs a mom who loves her. She deserves both.
(Note: A friend of Kelly’s set up a gofundme account after seeing the video, it is here: https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/tjt5/disabled-woman-need-help )
Photo: Flickr/Vicki&Chuck Rogers
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The only thing I can think of to add to this, is if you feel you’re in a situation where your loved ones wont benefit due to family, it’s worth considering writing a will, so you get the final say.
Coming Out to Christian Parents
Here’s how I would respond:
Jesus said to them, Not all men can accept this saying, but it is for those to whom the capacity to receive it has been given.
For there are eunuchs who have been born incapable of marriage; and there are eunuchs who have been made so by men; and there are eunuchs who have made themselves incapable of marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let him who is able to accept this accept it. Matthew 19:11-12
While many Christians recognize Jesus indeed taught that some people are born eunuchs, many do not yet realize that means there are also parents of born eunuchs as well! What this means is that not only are some eunuchs born for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven, but that some parents are likewise destined to give birth to these eunuchs ALSO for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven! This is the primary reason parents should never reject their child after coming out. The truth is, parents of born eunuchs ought to rejoice in the knowledge that God uniquely destined them to give birth to them!
This must also then mean that Pastors are charged with ministering the love of God to born eunuchs and their parents in a way that equips all Christians to understand, embrace, love and appreciate them from Jesus’ perspective as He goes on to explain:
Then little children were brought to Jesus, that He might put His hands on them and pray; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them.
But He said, Leave the children alone! Allow the little ones to come to Me, and do not forbid or restrain or hinder them, for of such as these is the kingdom of heaven composed.
And He put His hands upon them, and then went on His way. Matthew 19:13-15
This is the primary reason Pastors should never reject born eunuchs or their parents after coming out. The truth is, Pastors–indeed every Christian congregation–ought to rejoice in the knowledge that God uniquely destined these parents to give birth to these born eunuchs, and He has uniquely destined Pastors to shepherd them and facilitate their parents’ duty to teach their children in the admonition of the Lord.
But what is the admonition of the Lord when it comes to born eunuchs? Why did Jesus say they are born “for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven?” Scripture provides many answers as they reveal the unique prophetic role of born eunuchs in the spiritual life of the Christian Church. When examined closely, we see God’s Word reveals a unique purpose of born eunuchs in preparing the Church, the Jews, and the Nations for the return of Jesus Christ!
Read more … http://brianbowenministries.com/ch-1-eunuch-births.html
Actions speak louder than words. You can call yourself whatever you want, but until you ACT like a Christian I won’t believe that you are one.
Kelly is better off without this woman in her life. I hope that she and Leslie use some of the GoFundMe money to hire a lawyer famliar with same-sex estate planning.
Great post, Rob. Thank you.
I get so tired of these articles belittling all Christians. By putting the title “Christian” in this article you give all of us a bad name. We do not all act this way. We do not all think this way. This woman may label herself as a Christian but she is not a Christian. Real Christians DO NOT spew that kind of hate. Our jobs as Christians, first and foremost, is to LOVE EVERYONE, no matter what! Athiests, Muslims, criminals, drug dealers, prostitutes, people who’s lives we may not agree with. We are to LOVE them all. And to treat one’s own flesh and blood this way is a travesty. Even if you don’t agree with your child’s lifestyle God says “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Please stop labeling these people Christian. They ARE NOT Christian.
Then do some self-policing within Christianity. Someone calls themselves a Christian, behaves like pure evil, and other Christians say nothing, making it very easy to believe you all agree with him/her. Silence = agreement. WE don’t label these people “Christian,” they do, and very few others who claim to bear the same name stand up to call them out and take the name back.
I do believe that is what she just did, Ky. Hate is hate. Every race, religion, sex, and creed have those in their ranks that spew hate. Do not lump us all together or you will be missing out on the good ppl that don’t spew hate in that category.
I disagree, Kat. Lisa’s request was for me to lie by omission and leave out that this woman feels she is both a Christian and acting on Christian principles. I don’t agree, and that was the purpose of the article… to lay out what I believe those true principles to be.
I am a Christian as you are, but I don’t expect people to come not “miss out” on me. I feel it is our calling to speak out against those who trash the principles of Christ. I think Pug-Lover is absolutely right. Public silence on this, saying “oh we are not all like that”, is aiding the horrible message these people send.
The horrors I’ve seen enacted in the U.S. by Christians ….andthe horrors on me personally (not limited to assault,etc) has driven me to avoid them. I have never been treated by someone who was Jewish, Agnostic,Atheist,Buddist or Hindi with disrespect. But “Christians” have had such a huge negative impact in my life and the life of other people I know (I’m straight btw) I have seen them lie to mentally torture disabled people, seen them terrify women and children, I myself have been threatened, stalked, physically assaulted. Any time someone starts off with saying “I am a Christian” I generally wonder what horrible nightmare will come out of me making their aquaintance. I use to be a “Christian” ..Never again. Jesus Christ was this wonderful person, with these progressive hippy ideas of love and unity and respect. Christians however….they are usually the furthest things from that. They’re scary, they’re dangerous. I’ve met muslims here and there, and while they don’t perticularly have anything nice to say to someone who looks like me, they’ve never attacked me or harassed me. Everyone is so up in arms about defending this country from them they forget we have our own terrorists. They may not be blowing shit up…but they’re ruining lives, and hurting people. Deathly …honestly…terrified of them.
I think that was the point of having Christian in quotations….a person who could treat their own daughter like that is no Christian….
No worries, Lisa. Everybody knows there are far more good Christians out there than this kind of loud minority. When articles such as this point out the faith of the offender, I assume that it is less an attempt to lump them with you, and more-so simply an attempt to point out the hypocrisy of the individual who is failing at Christianity.
I’m not a Christian, but it’s still important to me, that folks like you know, I realize you are doing it right and that lots of people, such as myself, recognize that it isn’t necessarily easy for Christians to have tolerance, and voice that tolerance when a sometimes very loud and very powerful minority within the church might believe otherwise.
It’s not always easy to do what is right.
So, thank you, Lisa
Thank you for sharing your opinion, and I understand where you are coming from. I am a Christian myself.
I do not label these people as Christians, they take the name themselves and proclaim it boldly. They are the people you need to be confronting over its use. By calling themselves Christians, they trash Christ and drive people away. They have taken on the public face of what a “Christian” is.
Christians who don’t want to be represented that way need to speak out loud and forcefully– and unfortunately, that does not happen much. Simply trying to hide the fact that these people do consider themselves Christian, and consider that their behavior is out of Christian Law is ineffectual. The bastardization of Christian principles must be confronted.
(Oh, BTW, God did not say “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin”– Gandhi did.)
If you think these people are not real Christians, and what they represent is not Christianity then get active, get noisy and change the public picture.
Yes, indeedy, they are. Just like cardinal George, who says that gay people wanting to marry are losing touch with their humanity. Just like Pope Benedict, who said that gay people adopting children is doing violence to those children. Just like the Westboro church, who proclaim that God Hates Fags. Just like scores and scores of prominent, so-called Christians, who claim that all gay people want to do is destroy heterosexuality, marriage, faith, family, children, freedom, and western civilization. Just like the thousands of so-called Christians whose first reference point is “ANAL SEX” as reasons why we should be denied participation in society; it’s the first place they go, and they just cannot sopt obsessing over it. Just like Jerry falwell, Patti Robertson, and a host of other evangelical so-called Christians who blame us for hurricanes, 9/11 and every possible social evil that we couldn’t possibly have a thing to do with. Just like the thousands of so-called Christians who deliberately, ignorantly, and viciously conflate the lives of innocent gay men with child molesters, when heterosexuals are really the prime culprits for that. Just like the thousands of so-called Christians who says that our desires for marriage makes us just like brother bangers, mother screwers, sister shaggers, dog fuckers, and child molesters. Just like the thousands of so-called Christian so-called leaders who want to criminalize our lives, to jail us, to murder us.
And just like the legions of homo-hating homos whom these spawn of Satan produce like so many maggots, feeding off the bodies of decent, kind, loving gay people, in order that those homo-hating homos can exorcise– or exercise– their own demons.
I could go on for the length of a novel about what these so-called Christians say. I could write forever about the perversions and the twistings of scripture in service to this vicious, ancient prejudice.
And what do we have from a good portion of the rest of Christianity? “please don’t call us names. we’re not all like that.” Indeed, there are many Christians, gay and straight, ministers, churches, and whole denominations are not at all like that. But, the silence from the rest of you not-all-like-that-but-exactly-like-that is just deafening. You’ll offer any number of rationalizations of course to justify your silence, your compliance, your own prejudices. “We love you. We just hate your sin.” being the nastiest, the most vicious, the most self-serving exculpatory. We have only swelf-service here at the morality Cafeteria.We don’t buy it, and neither should you.
But you do, and you will, and you will continue to do ease your own responsibility with it. Because you are called upon the not judge, to not slander and revile, to not toss any stone until you have removed the log from your own eye so that you can see clearly.
If you want your beliefs to be respected, maybe you need to start having respectable beliefs.
Very well put 🙂
Ignorance, hate, and cruelty: I don’t think that her parents know the first thing about being a good parent, certainly not on being a good Christian. I feel very sorry for this young woman to have to be raised by such hateful and ignorant people.
this breaks my heart…if only these “Christians’ ( though they chould not be singled because ignorance is rampant in all religions) had a heart and a mind not completely closed how much better this world would be. Stop the hatred and prejudice.
Reblogged this on JerBear's Queer World News, Views & More From The City Different – Santa Fe, NM and commented:
This is another example of this thoughtful and caring gay dad offering sage advice to a “Christian” mother who wishes her disabled, lesbian daughter dead. This really hits home for me as a disabled Queer person.
“you’ll know we’re Christians by our love…”
yada yada yada.
Every child deserves a mother and a father.
yada yada yada.
Mama hates the “gay shit” because of either her issues or her issues with Dad. That’s my immediate guess. Toxic Christianity at its best.
This mother is soo hateful and soo wrong, her father is soo right and his letter is soo right on. My heart goes out to the young lady.
Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
……. I have no words! Yours have done the best job.