Guest Blog by Wendylynn and Stephan
Note from Rob Watson at evoL= : This is a guest blog by Wendy Lynn and her son Stephan. They are heroes of mine. We all are fighting a battle for equality, family and true American values. I have the comfort of fighting from a blue state, and from a county in which 99% (that is an actual figure, not hyperbole) voted for Marriage Equality. Wendy and Stephan are not from such a place and instead are the faces of “a gay family” to many who do not wish gay families to exist at all. Here is their story….
”My mom is gay, so what! What makes me, as a senior in high school, any different than you? We both have a family. Mine just happens to consist of a gay mom and her partner. ” says Stephan.
Let’s back up a moment here…Allow me to paint a picture of our reality for you. Too often, we hear/read stories of teens with gay parents, living in the big city. What about small-town Kansas? Red-state Kansas. The bible belt and sadly, the ‘home’ of Westboro Baptist Church. You know, our ”friends” that blame hurricanes on gays, picket Military funerals and spread hate. Ya, them. Small-town Kansas, geographically, the heart of America.
This is our life. I’m Wendylynn, and my son is 18 year old Stephan. Our small town is less than 2,000 in population. We have zero fastfood and not a single traffic light. Our post office is open part time. The grocery store closes early on Sunday evenings. The bank is only open til 3pm. That’s small-town.
Everyone knows everyone, or so they claim.
My partner and I are the only openly gay couple here. She grew up here, she is a manager at a local business. Loved and adored by many, and loathed by many more. We represent the ”gays” by elders, life-long residents. We own our home, pay our taxes, bills, have raised two sons (the older now residing elsewhere and being successful) etc. But we’re gay.
Stephan is a popular young man, excels in school, is in the process of enlisting to the U.S. Army after graduation, plays sports etc. All-around good kid. He is handsome, charming, smart, intelligent, witty-and the son of the only gay family in town. He’s talked about, a lot. For no fault of his own. Other parents, upon meeting him, think he’s great! Until he’s asked who his parents are. He’s judged because of my partner and myself. He handles it well, usually. Other times he’s angry. Rightfully so.
When you look at my son, and think ”omg, I don’t want my kid hanging out with stephan because his parents are gay!” You are short-changing yourself and your kid. Stephan stands up for kids. He’s active in ”teens for tolerance” and is very much against any form of bullying. He confronts issues with words, not actions. He does not care about one’s sex and orientation, he cares about victims of bullying, teens contemplating violence and suicide. He has taken clothing/shoes he’s outgrown and given them to less fortunate. He plays basketball with kids that have no friends. He was raised with tolerance. Does he have a temper? Of course he does! What teen doesn’t?
We’re really no different than other families. We talk about politics, religion, school days, classes, girls, safe-sex, his dreams of becoming a sniper and bullying. I founded a website for Equality and to fight bullying, he is also an admin of this website. By his choice. He stands for Equality, yet is straight as can be. He has dreams of both the Military/College and one day having a family of his own. When you ask him his thoughts about gay marriage, this is what he says: ”I’m straight, and while I do not personally understand being gay, it’s not my place to judge who you love. It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re being true to you and being a good person. My mom is gay, why should she be prevented from loving someone to the full extent of the law than anyone else?”
Over the past 5 years of living in this town, I’ve been shunned for cheering Stephan on while he played high school football, stared at during his forensics tournaments, judged because I’m the gay mom. I spent some time helping the cheerleaders with car washes- endured snickers from parents….”she’s a lesbian and working with the girls” mentality. Really folks?! Lesbian does NOT equate to pedophilia.
But…. this town has changed. Stephan is now widely accepted by many, as am I. We now have names, identities. We are very rarely the ”gay family”, we’re people now. Our point? If small-town, bible-belt Kansas can evolve to look beyond the ‘gay’ and accept us, as people, individuals, a family- can’t you? We believe you can. We have faith. Stop judging. Stop inflicting your beliefs on others. If small-town Kansas can evolve, so can America.
Please like our Facebook page here.
One point of fact. Westboro Baptist Church are not from “small town Kansas”, they are from Topeka, KS, which is far from a small town.
Hi I loved your letter. I am a 34 year old male who grew up with 2 gay dad’s in a smallerishh??? town in Missouri….Population 30,000 then…I can understand about the parents not wanting there child to be associated with your child. Happened a lot to me. But I do believe the world is coming around slowly. Those friends I love in the 80’s I am starting to build friendships now because of openess that is in todays society.
friends I lost not love sorry
Hey tanx 4 ur story its inspiring!i need ur advice thoug… im ind male 30 liv in south africa im currently havng alot of probs 1stly im gay iv always knwn it n iv always been inlove with straight black guys my 1st partner killed hmself d 2nd 1 is dnying himself me myself im nt happy with my sexuality as i dont know wat i want al i want is a family of my own my dad died 5 months ago n left all his assets to my younger brother coz i tink he knew im gay n didnt want me 2 have neting which is devastating for me im staying wid my mum n siblings we nt tawking much becoz of dis. my mum gossips abt me to my dads sisters n brothers dat im involvd wid men whch is really heartbreaking for me d prob is i hav my own vehicle repair shop here in dis town(estcourt kzn) and im working from my mums place i pay her rent every month yet she envies me wt would u suggest me to do?i brokeup wid my x 5yearz ago coz he said hes nt gay it was d worst 5yearz as i was a wreck coz of him nw hes back stil dnying it bt wana b my frend wt do i do with all thes people?do i jus leav the town?wat abt my busines?do i buy my own property in dis town and cary on?im totaly angry wid everyone i jus feel like leaving.
I grew up in a small town as well. So happy to see acceptance happening in this small town. 🙂
Wendy as I have told you many times before you and your son are an inspiration to me. I may not know you personally in “real life” but Id love to someday =)
My website is facebook page ” Equality and Support for the Midwest”
Thank you, Wendylynn
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Great post. But it’s a pity that such a letter HAS to be written in this, the 21st century and that many gay parents and their children must suffer prejudice and bigotry. My best wishes to Wendy and her family and I hope they can continue to live their lives in peace. They deserve nothing less.
My partner and I also live in Kansas. Would it be possible to get a link to their blog, it sounds like something I would enjoy following. By the way, my partner and I live in Topeka, the home of the infamous Phelps family. Thanks for a great web site and for being allies in our struggle for freedom and our rights as Americans! Don
Hi Donald, Wendy Lynn is a busy lady and guest blogs here on occasion. I believe her primary site is Support All Gay Rights http://www.facebook.com/SupportAllGayRights .Her other blog here was https://evolequals.com/2012/09/16/the-reality-of-rape-and-my-disgust-of-the-disbelievers/ .