If you are gay, and you are wishing upon a star, it is probably not a good idea for it to be the Lone Star of Texas. This past week, that particular entity has been more than a little dim in terms of passing out bright news for gay people.
The Texas anti-gay rhetoric has been more absurd, if that is possible, than it has been in other LGBT unfriendly states. The recent news has been a trifecta of idiocy around gay husbands being legally ostracized from their own sons’ birth certificates, the leading political party embracing abusive therapy for teens, and a governor who has declared homosexuality a destructive behavioral genetic disease.
Anti-marriage equality pundits have claimed that marriage should be reserved only for people who can procreatively make children. Texans Jason Hanna and Joe Riggs probably don’t agree with that assessment, but they made children anyway. With science and planning on their side, they have both fathered two twin boys. Each dad has a biological tie to one of the boys, and the boys are both related to each other through the egg donor. For me, having adopted my “twin” boys as infants from foster care, sharing of DNA was not something I felt was important or needed. Jason and Joe wanted it for their family. This is where choice comes in, how we each choose to create our families. Afterwards, ultimately that choice is unimportant. As life kicks in, where the children came from is not the issue, it is how to protect and love them.
The state of Texas is currently hindering how Jason and Joe protect their boys, and it has put their children at risk. Neither man is listed as the legal father to either of the boys. If they were legally married, they both would be listed on birth certificates for both boys. Insanity, welcome to Texas.
At the same time, the state’s Republican party has embraced “reparative therapy” to its party plank. In practical terms, since any legislation against such “therapy” to change people from gay to straight, has been to protect teens below the age of consent, this proposal targets young people specifically who would be subject to psychological abuse according to assessments by all the major mental health oversight organizations. Governor Rick Perry has jumped on board and declared homosexuality to be a biological disposition akin to alcoholism.
He has been rightly taken to task for this conjecture. It has been pointed out to him that people under the influence of alcohol excesses pose great harm to themselves and society, while people under the constant influence of their sexual orientations, which are pretty much most living and breathing adults, do not. It should be noted that while under the influence of their individual bouts of homosexuality, Jason and Joe have done wild madcap behaviors like holding annual toys for tots drives in their home bringing joy to hundreds of teddy bears for children suffering from cancer. Perry’s retort has been a compelling blank stare and a shrug.
I feel uniquely qualified to speak on this controversy since besides being a life long homosexual, I also have over three decades of continuous recovery from alcoholism. In the process of maintaining that recovery, people in my situation are often called to help those who are suffering from the addiction disease, and in some cases actually provide intervention.
Governor Perry clearly needs one. Here it is:
Dear Governor Perry,
This week, speaking from your position as an experienced alcoholic, (“I made the point of talking about alcoholism. I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic,” you have said.), you have decided that homosexuality is a similar “disease”. Having more experience than you have with recovery presumably (over three decades), I would like to explore your idea a little further, and offer you specific steps that will help free you from the problem from which you currently suffer.
One of the most popular recovery programs examines the nature of the disease in its first step. It states that under the disease, the sufferer is “powerless” and his or her life is rendered “unmanageable”. Certainly, that is true for those of us who have been brought to our knees by drugs and alcohol. Personal relationships, responsibilities, and any semblance of adequate decision making are often left in shambles.
For me, when I put this scrutiny to my acceptance of my homosexuality, and my sexual orientation in general, I cannot say either “powerlessness” or “unmanageability” happen. My experience has been the exact opposite. I found honest love, commitment and the inspiration to adopt and love two at-risk toddlers and raise them with stable healthy lives. Dealing with the reality of who I am, in fact, made my life exceptionally manageable.
When it comes to LGBT people I do see you struggling with a disease. Homosexuality is not that disease, however, homophobia is. Homophobia creates the environment for the irrational decisions coming out of Texas currently. Homophobia is the thing tearing families apart, inspiring physical abuse, and leading to death. Homophobia is the disease, and it appears, Governor, to be the one of which you are afflicted.
Dedicated to “carrying the message” of recovery, I therefore feel it is my duty to share a suggested program of recovery. Here it is, in 12 easy steps, tailored especially for you:
- We admitted we were powerless over our homophobia and the driving need to control other people’s lives had made our own, and theirs, unmanageable.
- We came to believe in principles of equality, that when applied, could lead our country back to a sense of sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our knee jerk reactions and our biases over to a greater sense of right and wrong, allowing others to pursue happiness and fulfillment in their own lives.
- Made a searching and fearless inventory of the harm we had done persecuting LGBT people.
- Admitted to ourselves, the public and our consciences the damage our homophobia had done.
- Became entirely willing to stop harming our fellow LGBT citizens.
- Humbly asked for the principles of true justice to be enacted on their behalf
- Made a list of all the LGBT people we had harmed, including the soldier you did not defend in the Republican debates, the families of LGBT veterans left in the shadows, the LGBT teens bullied and inspired to suicide, the gay people forced from their homes or jobs, the gay bashed and the fathers and mothers ostracized from their sons boy scout troops and others. We vowed to make amends to all of them.
- Made such amends to them, vowing that such indignities would end for them and all others.
- Continued to take personal inventory and when homophobic biases emerged, promptly admit them and apologize.
- Continued to think and reflect on ways to bring true equality and justice to all people, and seek for the personal power to carry that out.
- As the result of a cleansing of conscience as a result of these steps, sought to educate those who still suffer from homophobia , eradicate it, and exercise the principles of equality in the life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for our loved ones and fellow citizens.
Every night of my life, I kiss two little boys and put them to sleep. I desire to help them grow to be fine men, who are free to be themselves. Each night, I hold each against my chest and quietly vow to do the best I can for them, love them to my deepest depths and give them the best lives imaginable.
There are only two things that would prevent me from living up to those goals: my practicing my alcoholism and my giving in to my internalized homophobia. Either of those would have killed me many times over. Neither of them have a place in my life.
Your homophobia is not a winning political strategy, Governor. It is a poison. The results of it cannot be smarmily smiled away as an American hero is booed or two dads are legally estranged from their children. The results of it cannot be ignored as families are subjected to turmoil, and the vulnerable are destroyed by hate. You need to confront this and deal with it.
In order to do so, you need to do what always comes first in these situations: you need to admit you have a problem.
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Rob, have I told you lately that you are a stand-up dude with the heart of a warrior? Because you are.
I don’t know if you have used those words, but you are very good at letting me know you are of that opinion. And I cannot think of a single person I would rather stand shoulder to shoulder with in the heat of this battle we are in. You inspire me.
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Ok, so Texas’ politicians are living proof that not all dinosaurs are extinct yet………. All in favor of separating Texas from the US and just handing it over to Russia say aye.
Reblogged this on JerBear's Queer World News, Views & More From The City Different – Santa Fe, NM and commented:
A great column posted by another gay dad, advocating a twelve step program for Rick Perry’s homophobia problem…
All I can say is AMEN BROTHER! Being ignorant and phobic is one thing, but being ignorant and phobic AND proud of it is another.
My favorite part was that a GOVERNOR is suddenly the person that can claim something as a sickness (which is usually the task of scientists and doctors).
I mean, if it is so easy, then I declare being religious to be simliar to brain damage, mostly resembling epilepsy. You disagree based on science? Just wait till I am governor of stupid-ville and then we’ll see who is right!
Seriously, I am more and more amazed that people like that are even taken serious in the USA by some people…
Whats next? Going back and saying that black skin is a genetic deformation and needs to get exterminated by “breed programs”? Please, do me the favor and build a time machine to arrive in 2014, so we can have a intelligent discussion about human rights, Mr. Perry, especially Texas seems to be in dire need for that.
A well crafted post. Sad, though, as he and the Paleolithics who reside in the Lonely Star state, are hell bent on resistance. The concepts of understanding and acceptance are, presently, lost of them. Time heals, perspectives shift, and ultimately, karma reigns. Your 12 steps are genuinely thoughtful and grounding.
Not all of us in Texas agree with the Bush/Perry party. Every time I go to vote the old people in town look at me and say Republican? I say no thank you Democrat! As long as the GOP attacks women and minorities of any sort I will not be voting for them.
My remarks were obviously a generalization. I realize there are many balanced voices in the state. Yet, as evidenced by who gets elected, my perspectives are fairly targeted toward a majority of TX voters. The promising news is that the state continues to trend blue and at some point, will yield a majority who represent more realistic, humane views and beliefs.
I hope so. When Ann Richards ran for governor, the GOP candidate was Clayton Williams. By then end if the race he “had stepped in it” enough that he was known as Satan Williams.
You have no idea how much I loathe the Texas GOP and Rick Perry. The depth of their moronic ignorance is fathomless. Just when I think how stupid can they be? They open their mouths and stick yet another foot further in! First they attack women’s reproduction rights, then attack unaccompanied minor illegal children that crossed our border searching for a better life, and now they attack LGBT as if it is an aberrant phenomenon like alcoholism?!
Hello bveltrop72: I’m a native Texan, and an Austinite. Believe me when I tell you, there are millions of Texans like me who loathe Rick P and all the ugliness he spreads about him like so much cow dung. In fact, a lot of OUT Austinites like me know the Real truth about our dual-lifestyle Reverend Perrywinkle (Yep, THAT kind of duality). If you follow the link below to a site called QUEERTY, and scroll down to all the comments I wrote (posted as “GymJockTX”) you’ll see what a lot of us here in Austin have known for years about our hateful phony RepugnantCon gov. What he verbally engages in (almost incessantly anymore, it seems), is what psychologists refer to as Reaction Formation, i.e., lashing out at people, ideas or ideologies based upon the discomfort one has about harboring the self-same “stuff” inside of themselves; Here’s the link:
Please sign me: In Honor of fellow Texans with high-I.Q.’s and a low tolerance for gay-bashing Texan Repugs (and who know the ugly truth behind their facades).
Reaction Formation, anyone?
People think I just some whining liberal but I have seen what Bush and Perry have done to this state since the 90’s.