Gay Dad Tells Off the Mormon Church: Leave Our Kids Alone

damned by mormons

It is not news that LGBT folks have suffered abuse and atrocities at the hands of organized religion. From independent Christian Churches who have literally threatened to kill or exile us, to the Catholic Church who for years declared us “intrinsically disordered”, we thought we had heard it all.

That was before the Mormon Church decided to go after our kids.

They have added this to their handbook:

“Policies on Ordinances for Children of a Parent Living in a Same-Gender Relationship, The following additions to Handbook 1 have been approved by the Council of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles for immediate implementation…A new section in Handbook 1, 16.13 will be added as follows: Children of a Parent Living in a Same-Gender Relationship. A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing. “ In order for that child to get an exception from that rule? The child must accept and commit “to live the teachings and doctrine of the Church, and specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage. 2. The child is of legal age and does not live with a parent who has lived or currently lives in a same-gender cohabitation relationship or marriage.”

I should not be surprised that the Mormon Church is vindictively damning my kids and those in all LGBT families and encouraging them to “disavow” their parents. The church has been one of the most publicly anti-gay forces in fighting against LGBT rights. Not only did they bankroll a huge portion of the Proposition 8 campaign in California, they encouraged their followers to take mortgage loans out on their homes and do the same. Even though the proposition won at the time, long term, it was a poor investment.

Karma is a bitch, and it seemed to play out when after the Supreme Court overturned Proposition 8 and DOMA. Utah, the epicenter of the Mormon church, was one of the first states where a federal court ruled they had to accept same sex marriage post-DOMA. That had to be a bitter pill for the Latter Day Saints to swallow.

Many of the people in the Mormon fold did not react well. One writer notoriously threatened to starve himself to death if same sex marriage was not abolished. Another saw the LGBT agenda coming in all directions including as hidden messages in the movie Frozen. Some gay Mormons saw themselves as anti-LGBT rights prototypes who forced themselves into straight marriages so they could then declare that legalized same sex marriage somehow violated their choices.

As strange as all those arguments and actions were, none approached the naked vitriol of this current move.

Dear Mormon Church,

I cannot at this moment call you “saints” as your current move is very un-saintly.

It is one of the biggest ironies for LGBT people: for many years we were warned of the detriments our prospective children would face should we have them. We were told we were inadequate, incomplete, possibly depraved and that our children would be persecuted. Only that very last prediction is proving to be true.

It is proving to be true because the people who made the prediction are seeing to it that it will be true.

The Catholic Church had a theological opinion published in the 1990s who declared that parents like me were doing “violence” to our children simply be being their parents. That was completely offensive, and of course, a lie.

You have taken that hateful sentiment and moved it up a notch. You don’t accuse LGBT parents of committing violence against our kids, you have decided to commit the violence yourself.

You have let it be known that innocent children, too young to even know what a church is, are damned, nameless and unwelcome. You have set forth a rhetoric to inspire them to feel less than any other children and inviting them to self-harm and suicide. Your hope is to ultimately disrupt their family, have them reject the parents who have loved, nurtured and would do anything for them and their safety.

All so you can say you won.

For me, as a gay dad, I cannot describe the depths of anger I feel towards you. My sons, adopted from foster care and drug exposed in their birth mothers’ wombs, are the most precious things in my life. Being their dad is the most important thing I have ever done, or will do. I never realized that it was possible to love another human being so profoundly, let alone two of them. I would die for either one, if it came to that.

More importantly, I will fight for them. I am not Mormon, and will never be one. My kids are not likely to be either. You rejection and message extends to us, however. You have publicly declared my kids lack of value.

While I am not of your religion, I know many who are. There are Mormon LGBT families, who feel the same as I do. I am not unique.

Your attack is not traditional doctrine. There is no biblical reference that supports it (and many that refute it). There is no historical, moral or even ethical precedence for it. While other large denominations are seeking to release themselves from homophobia, you codify it.

You have put out a video claiming that this has been done with kindness. It is a hallow claim when what you have done has no empathy in its intent. All this action says is that you are bitter and vindictive. There is no holiness in that. You cannot excuse it away.

I respect your religious freedom, but you have crossed a line when you go after the children of loving families. I will do everything in my power to rebuke you, speaking out being the first thing. That is part of MY freedom as a dad.

From there, history has already shown how your homophobic intentions have blown up in your face. I don’t see this playing out any differently.

I hope to have compassion for you when it happens, more than you have had for our families and the love in our lives. The truth is, the backlash and consequences will have been earned. You wanted our children’s blood figuratively, and potentially literally, on your hands.

It will be mixed, figuratively, with your own.


About robw77

A single gay dad who cares. His story can be read here: and here:
This entry was posted in Bible, Family, Gay Christians, Hatred, Prejudice, Religion and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Gay Dad Tells Off the Mormon Church: Leave Our Kids Alone

  1. Pingback: The SCOTUS Same Sex Marriage Case Plaintiffs Sound Off on the Mormon Church and Call for a Boycott – Web-Log9

  2. Pingback: The SCOTUS Same Sex Marriage Case Plaintiffs Sound Off on the Mormon Church and Call for a Boycott -

  3. Sassy6 says:

    Being a child brought up by same sex parents doesn’t automatically make you gay. You are born the way you are. To ask a child to disavow same sex marriage is ridiculous. The child was brought up by those parents and is not going to know any different until he/she gets married. If they are heterosexual, it will be a man/woman relationship. If not, it will be another type of relationship. It is what it is. We are to love and be kind. We are to teach, and serve one another. To turn people away is mind blowing to me. Jesus turns no one away. Never…….

  4. Pingback: The SCOTUS Same Sex Marriage Case Plaintiffs Sound Off on the Mormon Church and Call for a Boycott | evoL =

  5. A Stylish Ho says:

    This is what people should be doing more #PeaceLoveAndHappiness

  6. Pingback: Mórmons Reagem Contra Discriminação | Vozes Mórmons

  7. There is something wrong when a church tells you what kind of underwear to wear, that you can’t drink coffee and this discusting new doctrine. Where will it end with the Mormon Church?

  8. Audrey Fanning says:

    I was so taken with what you had to say and Totally agree with what all of it .It was so well written and really got to the heart of the matter.

  9. Sarah Fuller says:

    Thank you for expressing what so many are feeling right now. Any parent who has seen their child suffer in school for being different (the fat one, the poor one, the Mormon one, the one who has to sit out of sex-ed class, the one whose parents can’t afford to send them to camp etc) know the incredible damage that is done by singling out a child as lesser than his/her peers.

    Churches in theory should be a safe space for children, yet consistently we see that they are not. Christ was pretty clear when he said “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Mathew 19:14). Notice the DO NOT HINDER THEM part?

    Imagine the poor little kid, and I personally know one, whose parents are divorced, who lives with his two mums, while his dad takes him to the Mormon Church on Sundays with his mums supportive consent. The kid whose parents have come to terms with the fact that their church encouraged their marriage as a way to cure her of her “affliction”, but who have forgiven and moved on supporting each other. The kid whose two elder siblings are already baptised and who along with the rest of his Sunday school class has been planning his own baptism in the coming year… until now… now he can’t. Now he is the different one. He can watch while other kids have everyone swanning over them on their big special baptismal day. As he gets older he can watch while his youth group mates get the priesthood and start participating in things he cannot. He can stay home while his friends all go on fun temple trips…. because he’s the different one, he can’t be like other kids because his mother is gay.

    Now try and tell this kid you are ostracising him because you love him. And the new and previously resolved arguments between his mother and father over custody and who is causing the most damage to his mental and emotional health are not his fault.

    Way to go Mormon church, just keep causing damage while we all try to pick up the pieces. Keep telling us you are working to reduce LGBT homelessness and suicide, while you actively seek to divide families and encourage them to separate….. oh, another scripture is coming to mind, something about the hearts of the children turning to their fathers and the fathers to their kids…. or is your version more about turning them away?

  10. chloealexa8888 says:

    New OxyMoron, Christianity & Religion.

  11. Jeremy says:

    The Church is not saying to “disavow the parents” its’ only saying to “live the gospel and disavow the practice of Gay Marriage”.

    • Zsaire Gable says:

      Live the Gospel? Is that the one where they stone children for talking back to their parents, and killing people for wearing clothe made of mixed fiber? As well as cutting off the hands of thieves and on and on it goes?

    • Henry Lions says:

      The book states
      “ In order for that child to get an exception from that rule? The child must accept and commit “to live the teachings and doctrine of the Church, and specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage. 2. The child is of legal age and does not live with a parent who has lived or currently lives in a same-gender cohabitation relationship or marriage.”

      So You cannot live with your parents, you must publicly state their relationship is a “sin” and disavow yourself for your home and upbringing.

      How can you say this foulness is “Only saying…”

    • Gina says:

      Don’t be so bloody nieve Jeremy. (Excuse my spelling).

  12. so, did the fellow who was going to starve himself die yet? Or did he come up with an excuse why he shouldn’t commit suicide because he hates other people so much?

  13. Vernon Porter says:

    You are such a prolific writer. I so enjoy receiving your emails. Would like to interview you again sometime soon.

    Warm regards from Ptown.

    Vernon (aka Lady Di)

  14. Mr. Militant Negro says:

    Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.

  15. sabete says:

    They’ve always been a strange group of people, in my opinion. From how the religion (cult?) got started to baptizing Jews into the Mormon faith after their death and now this. We have come a long way. Sadly, there is still a long way to go.

    PS – cute pic of your boys!

  16. jerbearinsantafe says:

    Reblogged this on Fairy JerBear's Queer/Trans News, Views & More From The City Different – Santa Fe, NM and commented:
    The Mormon Church wants to stigmatize the children of gay and lesbian parents. This dad has something to say about that!

  17. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    MORMONS …. stay away!!

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