Defriended Over a Wedding, a Straight Man Gains Perspective

Straight Man Perspective

My younger brother is gay. Gay as laughter. Gay as the day is long. One of the finest moments in my life, and one of the greatest compliments anyone has ever paid me, was the day he felt safe to come out to me. He’s in his mid-30s now, but he’ll always be my little brother. And man, I love that kid. He’s brilliant, he’s funny, and he’s kind. And he just married a phenomenal man.

I was always predisposed to like his husband because, y’know, he’s my brother’s partner and therefore has automatic status in my heart. The wonderful bonus is that I really like him. He’s brilliant, he’s funny, and he’s kind. He’s a cool dude to hang out with. He also stood by my brother like a rock when my brother had a life-threatening cancer that cost him his left eye.

They married in May. It was a wonderful ceremony in which I was honored to stand by my brother, supporting him in his vows. My eyes teared up like they always do at weddings. I had the joy of watching two people commit to a lifetime together. It filled my heart.

Folks started posting photos from the wedding on Facebook, and I proudly reposted photos of the ceremony (with me looking awesome in my new suit, of course). Shortly after that, I received this message from a FB friend:

“Hey David, I am removing you from my friends list…sorry man, that latest post is way over the top! Homosexuals joining in “Holy” matrimony…I don’t think so??? The Holy Bible speaks out against homosexuality and speaks highly of Holy matrimony between a man and a woman. It’s nothing more than a slap in the face to those who choose God’s Word, for homosexuals to join in a Holy marriage. I’m only defriending you so I don’t have to look at your anti-God stuff anymore…nothing personal!”


This came from a man I used to work with. A man I respect in his dedication to his family, and in his desire to live a moral and ethical life. A man with whom I have had some very interesting religious debates. He has become a Baptist preacher since we last spoke in person, and I suppose that makes this message unsurprising.

But, I was still surprised. I was taken aback. I needed a moment. I was hurt.

I was inclined to hurl some expletives in his direction.

But, only for a moment. He’s not really that important of a person in my life. I had actually at times grown rather tired of his Facebook postings…I don’t have a great need for fundamentalist dogma in my day. So, on some level, good riddance.

I sent him a letter at his church, expressing my disappointment in his withdrawal. I had a few friends read the letter before I sent it, to make sure that it didn’t contain too much bile. I’m not surprised that I haven’t heard back from him.

The situation got me thinking: What if this hadn’t been about my brother’s wedding, but about MY wedding? What if it hadn’t been from a distant friend, but from a beloved family member?


How many millions of gay kids (and adults) have had that exact thing happen to them? How many millions more will in the future?

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for that pain. I’m sorry for that rejection. I’m sorry for that isolation.

I’m straight. Straight as a yardstick. Straight as an arrow. I am in your corner. If I could take on that pain for you, I would.

I love you.

If you’re gay, I think that’s wonderful, and I’m truly happy for you. I wish you all the love and joy in the world.

If you’re straight, I think that’s wonderful, and I’m truly happy for you. I wish you all the love and joy in the world. And I charge you, I charge you to imagine the above scenario played out with YOU as the target of rejection. Imagine the people closest to you telling you, essentially, “You are fundamentally flawed and I want nothing to do with you.” Our LGBTQ brothers and sisters face this everyday. Please don’t forget that.

The poor, misguided soul is no longer in my life. That’s okay. My brother and his husband still are. I just hung out with my brother a few weeks ago, and it was a blast. He’s brilliant, he’s funny, and he’s kind. I couldn’t be prouder to call him my brother. I love him, and love wins, period.

Don’t forget to “Like” us on Facebook here.

Image by Ono Kono.

About allydavidstevens

Husband. Father. Son. Brother. Uncle. Nurse. Aspiring Kung Fu Fighter.
This entry was posted in Civil Rights, Family, Living, News, Politics, Prejudice, Religion, US Politics and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1,646 Responses to Defriended Over a Wedding, a Straight Man Gains Perspective

  1. jamieusaa says:

    I am from a small town in Maine. I have been removed from a few people’s facebook for being gay. So many times, I actually posted that I am gay and if you don’t like it unfriend me now! I am old enough now that it hurts a bit less.

  2. Seth Hammond says:

    This is a few years late, but…thanks for being an ally. ❤ This is a beautiful story. I'm sorry you lost someone who had been a friend and that you looked up to, but it's wonderful that you chose humanity over homophobia and encourage others to do the same.

    -Gay guy, member since 1996

    • allydavidstevens says:

      Hey Seth,

      Thank you for your kind words. No such thing as late, as our push for equality is a timeless cause. As we’ve seen, the Supreme Court victory is far from the end of the story.

      Thanks for keeping your membership current! 😉


  3. zeromein says:

    They aren’t born that way. If they were then how come in some sets of identical twins there are some that have a gay one and a straight one? They share the same DNA. If it were biologically driven both would be gay, or both would be straight. There would be no deviation in sexual preference as we have seen.

    • allydavidstevens says:

      Hey Buddy!

      Sorry, but the article you referenced is hardly scientific. It cherry picks a few data points to support the author’s obvious, bigoted bias. There is no place in any scientific discussion for such nonsense, just as there is no place for any anti-gay sentiment on this page.

      Have a great day!

      • zeromein says:

        So you don’t want any dissent? God hates your homosexuality and sin. He loves you.

        • Freespirit says:

          I hate you Zeromein. You are a despicable excuse for a human being. What you just said was sugar-coated shit. If there is a god, he made homosexuals that way. You’re the one who hates them. I suggest you do some soul-searching to find out why you’re so hateful.

          • allydavidstevens says:

            My dear Freespirit,

            Please don’t let zeromein’s ridiculous and ignorant words kindle hatred in your beautiful heart. I certainly understand where you are coming from, but there is no reason for you to have to burn inside yourself because of this nonsense.

            We are winning. We are making progress. More and more, bullshit like the stuff zeromein is spouting is seen for what it is: The last gasps of a dying ideology.

            There is a saying in the South: “A dying mule kicks the hardest.” The dying mule of bigotry is trying to get in a few licks before it vanishes from the earth.

            Fight back, speak the truth, stand up for the LGBTQ community. Give it all you have. But please, don’t let hatred enter your heart.

            Remember, this is OUR party.

            Much love to you,

          • zeromein says:


        • allydavidstevens says:

          Hey Buddy!

          You only get one “Suck it” per day, especially if you’re just going to post the same article 4 times.

          But seriously, why all the hate, bro?

          (And just so we’re clear, giving someone news that is bad for them and saying, “Suck it”, is hater activity)

        • Booth pohlmann says:

          Since you seem to be so knowledgable on what “God” thinks, then he must still love you even though you are sitting in judgment of others. May he forgive YOUR trespasses in the same way YOU forgive others. I personally think you are a self righteous ass.

    • allydavidstevens says:

      There is a place for dissent, but it must meet certain requirements. These include things like good science and respectful language. Your last post, the one I deleted, was full of hatred and had nothing to do with Jesus, God, or the Bible, just your own prejudices.

      This most recent post skates right up to that edge.

      If you want a serious discussion, I welcome that. Rest assured of a few things:

      1. If you invoke faulty science or logic, I will point that out and sink your argument.
      2. If you post hateful statements, I will delete them.
      3. If you become a troll, I will block you.
      4. I am an ally through and through. There is NOTHING you can say that will convince me that LGBTQ people are any less loved or valid than anyone else.

      Thanks for stopping by.

      • zeromein says:

        Faulty science? How can you judge that? Are you a PhD? I didn’t think so. So, you are not qualified to make that judgment. You are an ally to social deviants. You are enabling their sin. You just want an echo chamber of this filth.

        • allydavidstevens says:

          True, I’m not a PhD. I do have 3 degrees in science, but none of them are PhDs.

          The science in the article is bunk because he tries to narrow the argument to one form of causation. The study he references clearly demonstrates that genes INFLUENCE sexual orientation. The authors of that study do not say it is an absolutely binary link, but one of several influencing factors. The author of the article obviously doesn’t understand how genetics INFLUENCE biology.

          I’m guessing that you’re basing your definition of sin on the Bible. Did you know that the Bible (both OT and NT) explicitly endorse slavery?

        • Freespirit says:

          And you are perpetuating your own mental illness by opening your mouth.

  4. Samm Strickland-Wong says:

    So beautifully worded. I’m as straight as they come also, but I’m 100% with you. I agree with everything you said. It breaks my heart that wonderful people are being abandoned, bullied, defriended and hated for who they are and who they love – If I could I’d hug each and every single one of them. Slowly but surely we are changing the world. I just truly wish we could change the views of everyone, and quickly. I’m sorry there are people out there with hate in the hearts. I love you all too. xx

    • allydavidstevens says:

      Hey Samm,

      Thank you for your warm words. All we can do, I think, is to continue to try and educate people, and offer our love and support to our LGBTQ peeps as they navigate this difficult world.

      Stand strong, my fellow ally!


    • Zach says:

      Soooo sweet Sam

  5. Dot Newkirk says:

    It is so sad that so many “Christians” keep quoting a rather obscure passage from Leviticus in the OLD Testament to support their bigotry, while the continue to eat shrimp, tattoo themselves, wear clothing from mixed fibers, etc. They forget Christ’s greatest commandments to Love God and your fellow man. I dislike religious dogma. Many homosexual partnerships, marriages etc last longer and are more committed than “Christian” marriages between men and women. I am happy for you and your brother.

    • allydavidstevens says:

      Hi Dot!

      Thank you for your good wishes! My brother and his husband have been married almost 4 years now and still going strong.

      All the Biblical cherry picking is crap, right?

      Much love to you,

  6. Ruth Ann says:

    When I think of gay and trans children reflected by their families it breaks my heart. I want to give them all homes. If I could find a way I would start a home for them

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  8. kzottarelli says:

    Cristina Elena Castro says:
    June 6, 2015 at 12:15 pm (Edit)
    Hello, my name is Cristina and I’m from Spain.
    I was reading my facebook in my little break from studying and I’ve just seen a video from a guy talking about his brother wedding and how did he felt about a rude letter from an old partner from job.
    I hope it’s you who talked, because it made me cry.
    I’m bisexual (that’s how it is said in English?), not because it’s a fashion now, but from the very beggining of my life. Once, when I told my grandma that I had a girlfriend, she ordered me not to go into her house ever again. That hurted a lot.
    So I wanted to thank you for your words and comprehension. That’s so important to people like me…
    Thank you. We love you too.

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  10. sundryvegan says:

    When I saw this post as a YouTube video, it became THE single most moving video I have ever seen. There is so much love and strength in your words, and your fearlessness to show such tender emotion to the world is both as grounding and jarring as needed to make your message stick in the minds of listeners forever. Keep fighting the good fight. Good always triumphs in the end.

  11. I married the love of my life in April. My parents were very supportive and threw us an amazing wedding and fantastic party. Our rabbi was thrilled to do the ceremony and multiple people told us it was the most holy and inspiring event they ever attended. But next to none of my extended family came. Some of my younger cousins did. They were equally hurt as I was that their parents and other cousins failed to show. The worst feeling was watching my mother cry as the “no” messages poured in from her own brothers and sisters. Your words are both beautiful and healing. I have just one thing to add. I am grateful they didn’t come! Now I know who I can trust, who will be there no matter. I am also grateful that this event highlighted the presence of those who *don’t* believe in gay marriage who did come. Those people chose love and compassion over petty differences. It is possible and I do have hope. Thank you.

    • larryripley says:

      Patrick and I were married this summer, after waiting 12 years to be able to do so and I was heartbroken by the complete non response from my family. We care for my mother who is 83 with Alzheimer’s and send over 100 Christmas cards back and forth every year and only two relatives even responded and none of my family were here. I truly hope not one of the family ever attempts to speak with us again, I do not think I will be capable of polite speech.

  12. SkyeWalker says:

    After a number of failed “normal” relationships, my daughter turned to a female friend who was openly gay. That was just over a year ago now, and because gay marriage is legal in my state, they were married earlier this month in a perfectly beautiful ceremony and reception. My daughter has 2 children who were there with her as was I. The sad thing of it all is that none of the rest of her family was. Her grandmother was just too sanctimonious and judgmental to even be invited, as was the rest of the family (as granny goes, so does the family) Needless to say the event went off without a hitch, everyone enjoyed themselves and had a fantastic time. The happy couple went on a 1 week honeymoon and returned home to resume their home life of work and kids. I must say I was surprised by my daughter’s decision, but I would rather have a happy child in a stable relationship, than in an abusive relationship with anyone.

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  14. NewBeliever says:

    Amazing article! I am glad that I took the time out to read (and re-read) this article….I also read the letter, that you wrote, to “The Pastor” and loved how you put that letter together, for him. I have a story to share and I hope to be able to share the letter that I received….one day soon….I use to be one of those close-minded people whom believed that you “chose” whom you loved….and that being gay was a choice…..well I hope to tell you why I have now changed my thoughts and researched and cried and cried and cried….You know like the saying goes and I will be paraphrasing but something along the lines of “You know the things you hate…will end up in your family” …. Oh does that speak so much truth to me, now! Thanks for sharing your story and I hope to read more…..Much love to you all!

  15. Saida Ahmed says:

    hi i am saida and i am straight and i have had read ur file about ur brother’s wedding .to me doesn’t matter if u are gay or straight as long you are human being i am treat u as like everbody and think everybody desver to be happy and live well .And if u brother is happy he should not worry about anything just enjoy u life.sorry i am not english try my best to write well wish u best saida.

  16. Lisa says:

    I too wish you could take my pain away. My beautiful daughter is “marrying” her partner in just a few days. (Marrying is in quotes because it isn’t recognized in our state yet.) We are going all out: beautiful dresses, historic church and venue, bridesmaids, best men, maids of honor. My parents have told her she is condemned to hell because of her “choice” to live in sin, but they still love her and want to have a relationship with her. They say the “door is open” she has only to walk through it. I believe what they really mean is that she can walk through the door only on their terms, otherwise it is locked. My parents refuse to discuss anything about homosexuality. They have closed their ears and hearts. I love my parents dearly and treasure their presence. It hurts so much to be in the middle. I so much want them to understand that Jesus did not excluded anyone. He did not sacrifice His life for the righteous but for the unrighteous sinners we all are! I truly believe when they meet God, He will ask them why they closed their hearts to their granddaughter. He will demand an accounting of why they refused to love her and others like He has loved them. It has been a very painful process being in the middle. I am trying to love my parents for who they are. It is so very hard to feel disappointment toward two people who I have loved and admired all my life. My husband and children and I have started new traditions that include not only my daughter’s fiancee, but her family, and other dear friends. We refuse to not include extended family. They are always invited to everything we do, whether they like it or not. We will continue to do our best to love them like Jesus loves us. It is not easy, but I will never forsake my daughter. My love for her is unconditional just as it is for my parents.

    • D.W. Cole says:

      I feel your pain and I also feel your joy-the joy that comes in discovering what is truly important and forming new and closer bonds. I lost the majority of my family and friends (after coming out at age 42; after 20 years of marriage and 2 great sons) over “my lifestyle choice” and have heard the “condemned to hell phrases” also. But as my 95 year old aunt says: “to hell with them that do not get it!” In our lives (my partner and I), we now have come to understand that our “family” is now the people in our lives who love us conditionally, want the best for us and are also just easy to be around (no drama); whether blood relatives or close friends.

      • NewBeliever says:

        Hi….I am new to forums, such as these and have personal reasons for researching, looking through and questioning 😦 I am just trying to understand this whole process….with that said….whats not to understand, right!? I actually have someone that is really close to me, come to me and I have been reading through the comments here and have a few questions, if you don’t mind me asking.
        1. How old were you when you realized that you were gay? I have heard that you just know…..kind of like straight people know they are straight….gay people know that they are gay…?

        2. Why did you marry and stay married and have children, if you knew you were gay? Were you hoping that it may change you?

        If you don’t want to answer, that is fine, but I am really wanting others views and facts…..Thanks for your time and God Bless

        • Matt says:

          The actual sin of the bible is to have sex with women ‘like you lie with men’. That is to say fantasise about men whilst making love to your wife. I am not sure if men are still trained to make love this way, but this is where the sin lies. Paul was a liar who changed it to say ‘can’t lie with a man like you lie with a woman’. That doesn’t make any sense because they are made differently. Well like I said I don’t know if people are still being trained this way, I only remember being put off the idea of having sex by what my friend called ‘the gay test’.
          Funny now how it is these men who think, or fantasise, gay, that are doing all the judging of gays. For the rest of us there is straight sex and straight gay sex. Enjoy!

    • NewBeliever says:

      May I ask how old your daughter was, when she “came out”?

  17. Angi says:

    Your message is wonderful and I’ve to say I’d be honoured to call you guys friends. TY for posting.

  18. Angie says:

    I’d LOVE to see the letter you wrote to your misguided former friend 🙂

    • NewBeliever says:

      Did you get a chance to find and read it? It is amazing!!!! If you haven’t read it, please let me know and I will post the link here….He definitely worded it nicely!!!

  19. Kel says:

    What a wonderful message! We need more people in the world like you! ❤

  20. Debbie Foley says:

    Thank you so much for this message! My parents have essentially rejected me since coming out and announcing my engagement to my partner. While they’ve not outright ‘disowned’ me and state that they wish to continue to have a relationship with me, it’s ok the condition that they do not want to know or have anything to do with my homosexuality. Your two words ‘love wins’ really hit home for me. A parent’s love should not be conditional and I cannot accept their views about my life choices. Friends have encouraged me to see past this but I can’t. And whilst I appreciate that your message is one of acceptance and that this should work both ways, I cannot and will not change who I am, whilst my parents could change their views and opinions. We’re at a stalemate in our relationship. I am considerif sharifs your video with them. Just to give them some insight into the hurt they are causing. Thank you or your love and support!

    • Michael says:

      It kills me to read stories like yours, I don’t understand how any parent can as you said have conditions for the love they have for their children, Their are many religious parents that have children that have committed murder and yet they still stand behind them in their love and devotion they may condemn the crime but don’t forsake their child yet Homosexuality is more intolerable than murder? I also am gay and very fortunate both mine and my partners familys were very accepting and I did not loose or have even 1 friend that walked out of my life due to my coming out of the closet . I have been with my partner for almost 20 years now and married for 4 of those 20 years. Not having your familys support in life is hard but remember you have all the support you need in your partner and that is your true and real family. Wish you the best …

  21. Mark Bouman says:

    Bravo!!! Peace, love and harmony! Well said my friend, you are a beautiful person and your brother is a lucky man to have you on/by his side! (In that respect so am I, my brother and all my family have always been supportive of my sexuality) Thanks for posting your thoughts!

  22. mark. says:

    Bravo!!! Peace, love and harmony! Well said my friend, you are a beautiful person and your brother is a lucky man to have you on/by his side! (In that respect so am I, my brother and all my family have always been supportive of my sexuality) Thanks for posting it.

  23. mikesarzo says:

    Your preacher “friend” seriously thinks god won’t judge him more for his being judgmental toward your brother than he would judge your brother for whom he loves?
    Just remember this: People who matter don’t mind, people who mind don’t matter.

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  25. Dale says:

    David, I would be proud to call you brother.

  26. Ken says:

    Thank you for your heartfelt words.
    You are truly a gift to your brother and your family

  27. EricB says:

    Thans for your post, man. I’m afraid I did n’t experience any of that in MY family, where both my brothers (and their family) as well as my father (he intended to, but actually didn’t do it for health reasons) attended the anti gay marriage demonstrations last Spring in France. Love (and Justice) won, in the end, but they lost a brother on the way.

  28. Dan says:

    I commend you on your love and dedication for not only your brother and his new husband, but for all LGBT people. There is nothing wrong in promoting unity and diversityin this imperfect world. I wish I had the same support from two brothers. Neither of mine want to have much to do with me in fear of what they perceive as gay moral and values might have done to me. Because of their personal bias, I won’t hardly tell anyone about me. Fortunately, I found a great guy to share my life with, but only my biological sister and my Mom are being supportive, but.I digress Really a shame according to my friendsYabout my situation. You Sir, on the other hand, could have chosen to direct your love and compassion in other directions, but you chose to direct it to your little brother. I hope he feels the honor and the love your sharing with him. He is truly loved, as he should be.

  29. Daniel Berry, NYC says:

    damn. watta guy.

  30. Duke says:

    It seems that your friend gave you a wonderful gift – a view into the lives of the marginalized. You had the heart and the sight to see into those place and the love and empathy to hold it. This is love, indeed. It may have been posted or discussed already – that this understanding is useful for other marginalized dynamics as well.
    What does it mean to have both conscious and unconscious judgments based simply on your perceived ethnicity? How does this impact move into all the realms of power – at work, in the court of law, education or in social circles.
    What are the experiences of a myriad of women – how they are different as different dynamics are examined.
    In the end, the true heart of listening and seeing understands – and that you have.

  31. abravefaith says:

    I wrote a blog post in response to the video of this post:
    and received the following message from my nephew, who is about ten years younger than me:

    ‘That latest blog post was very moving, I sometimes wish I was your brother, I have always felt like your little brother rather than you are my uncle. And I always have looked up to you and I always will, love you both.’

    I am the youngest of my family and he is my oldest of the next generation, so he is more like my ‘kid’ brother than a nephew. But it’s not often in my family that we really tell one another how we feel, so that makes his reply extra special.

  32. Two years ago, I joined the fight in Minnesota to keep hate out of our constitution by working to defeat an anti-marriage amendment targeted at my LGBTQ friends and loved ones. In the months that followed, I lost about sixty percent of my extended family, first on Facebook. I had one aunt that I was very close to my entire life. At one point, she told me that I just needed to shut up because the fight for equality for all was not a race I had a horse in as a straight woman. She also told me that the gay people she knew did not want equality in marriage and just wanted people like me to shut up. Growing up and seeing the bullying some of my gay friends endured, I had always known how badly people could treat people, especially in the name of misguided religious fervor. Until the rift that split my family apart, I had no idea of what that pain and isolation must feel like. Years ago, C. Thomas Howell starred in a misguided comedy where he dyed his skin black to get a scholarship (Soul Man, 1986). At the end of the movie, a black professor comments that he has learned what it feels like to be black and that is a lesson he cannot teach. Howell’s character responds by saying that he really hadn’t because he always had an out, he could quit being black. As straight allies, many of us can lose friends or family for speaking up, but to thousands of young people and we always have the right to walk away. Thousands of young LGBTQ people wake up every day without a single friendly ear to hear them, without anyone to offer them a hug, without anywhere to turn simply because of who they love. It needs to stop. We need more voices like this one.

  33. Vincent says:

    Everyone commenting a lot of very proud-supportive comments…
    I’ll just say, “Faith in humanity restored!”

  34. Nobody Nowhere says:

    We don’t want you to take our pain, we don’t want anyone to take our pain, we just want you to understand it. That doesn’t necessarily mean welcome it with open arm, just walk a mile in our shoes and see the world from our vantage point. I would be so proud to call you a blood brother but I am so proud to call you my brother in man, as the human species we are all related in one way or another, as a species we humans share 99.9% of are genetic code with each other, but so many of us like to only focus on the .1% difference. WE ARE ALL BASICALLY THE SAME PERSON! In the end we all want to love and be loved, we all want acceptance and security within our pack or tribe, and we all want to succeed. One day we may learn that we can ALL succeed and our success is NOT dependant upon others failing, helping others succeed in other tribes and packs helps OUR tribe and pack succeed. Success isn’t a limited resource, it abundant and can thrive anywhere and everywhere we allow it, but only if we allow it. Thank you for your heart felt words, I for one as a gay man, are very appreciate of your empathy, I’m sure as is your brother and his husband. I wish you all the success you and your tribe can handle, and if you come up with a surplus, I’m sure you’ll know exactly what to do with it.

    Stay safe.

  35. mark says:

    good for him to stick up for his brother and his brothers husband………..I bet he and his brother are even closer now having weathered this storm. I have endured many a like hurricane only to enjoy the warm sun after it passed. tom and I were the first male couple to obtain a marriage license in the state of Massachusetts and we have been together now for 32 years…..probably longer than that so called Baptist friend……so be stout of heart….life goes on in glory………mark

  36. Mickey says:

    Just simply….Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am a gay man who has lived the last 37 years out of the closet and as a stranger in my own family. When have been my happiest, I could tell no one in my family. And when I have been my saddest, I could tell no one in my family. So, now they are just polite strangers to me. I’ve collected a new family of friends (a lot of people just like you!) who are rich in caring and love and they fill in the gap as best as they can. Still, it would have been wonderful to have my mother tell me she loved me just the way I am before she died, rather than have her ask my sister-in-law to keep praying for me after she died, because I am gay.

  37. Roma says:

    Thank you for your touching and honest video. I only wish more people were like you, kind, understanding, loving and loyal. Kudos to you and love right back at you and yours.

  38. Scott says:

    Thank you so much. Your video was excellent and eloquent, and I appreciated it more than you will ever know.

  39. judy says:

    need some like buttons here 🙂

  40. Andy Dunn says:

    Thank you for you love and support. Unfortunately, the pain doesn’t go away completely but it feels better knowing there are wonderful people out there like you. Together, we become stronger. ❤

  41. I applaud your video and your support and your love. As a straight, married woman with gay family members and friends, I have watched their struggle to live an authentic life as peacefully and joyously as they can. Some have done this by coming out, and others have chosen to keep their personal life private…for exactly the type of behavior you described. I have always openly accepted and loved and supported, not just my family, but all LGBT’s. I identify as Christian, and I strive to love as Christ loved – unconditionally and ACTIVELY. This has put me in some awkward situations, but I decided long ago that it means nothing to believe something or support someone if you don’t do it EQUALLY as actively as Christ did. So, I have stood up in church…literally…to oppose anti-homosexual rhetoric. I have confronted friends, both in person and on social media, who have voiced their bigotry in front of me. I challenge all my Christian brothers and sisters to do the same. Take a stand now. Change the face of Christianity today. Have the courage of Christ, who was quick to defend and admonished those who judged or bullied others. Speak out against discrimination, speak up for love.

  42. StephanieGhosh says:

    What gets me, with regards to those who call themselves “Christians” – is that Jesus CHRIST (hence, “CHRISTians”), preached of love, tolerance and NOT judging your fellow man – lest you be judged yourself. I do not see any ranking of sins – no point values for one sin being worse than another – in the Bible. There is not a single adult in this world that has not broken at least one of the ten commandments – lust, greed, envy, etc. So, why don’t “Christians” unfriend the people in their lives who commit THOSE sins?? It’s flat out hypocrisy on their part. They don’t REALLY follow God’s commandments, They just use phrases out of the Bible, out of context, to substantiate their own feelings of inadequacy. We should love and support those in our lives – and be role models for those around us. We are NOT to the judge or jury of anyone’s actions — that is God’s job. To say any single person on this earth knows the mind of God is WRONG. In fact, it is a sin. No one can know the mind of God EXCEPT God himself. And, NO ONE can say that God has not changed his mind since the the Bible was written.

  43. lisa says:

    Let me add please: In your closing statement you said this (but I will change a couple of words): >>And I charge you, I charge you to imagine the above scenario played out with YOU as the target of rejection. (Imagine how Jesus felt it was the ultimate rejection) Imagine the people closest to you telling you, essentially, “You are fundamentally flawed and I want nothing to do with you.” (it happens every day to Christians –I see it right now on you blog over and over!) Our (CHRISTIAN) brothers and sisters face this everyday. Please don’t forget that. (From the beginning of time Christians have been persecuted. Today millions in China are persecuted killed or and imprisoned for believing in God. They have to hide their Bibles for fear of being killed.)

    • Julie Hagan Bloch says:

      This man gave a beautiful and important message about his brother and gay folk in general. It’s a message that is clear, sincere, and heartwarming. I had tears in my eyes over it. What a cool guy!
      But you, you’re getting way off the point here. Sometimes Christians are persecuted, sometimes it’s gay folks, sometimes it’s Jewish folk, sometimes it’s Buddhists (remember the takeover of their entire country by China and the subsequent murders?)… and so many other groups, whether because of religion, ethnicity, or other reasons. (Humans seem to like to find a “them” so they can feel good about being “us”, no matter that it’s ALL just “us”.) Try not to steal the stage here, okay? it’s not about you. And I’m curious, have you, personally, been persecuted, or personally known anyone who was? And I’m not talking about simply not being allowed to legislate Christian views into secular law. That’s not persecution; that’s just being sensible of the fact that not all people are of one religion.
      Oh, and a bit of a correction: Christians weren’t around at the beginning of time; they’re a relatively recent phenomenon. And think — really think — about the bible. Do a little research (by *unprejudiced* scholars) about its origins and history. Just sayin’.

      • Julie Hagan Bloch says:

        Oh, sorry, I should have specified that it was the Buddhists in Tibet that had their country taken over by China.

  44. lisa says:

    I came out in 2010. It has been a real struggle. I was really hoping to read more reasonable accepting comments from both sides of the coin because I really just wanted to see if anyone feels like I do. I wanted to see if there are people out there who will not dismiss me or think I am bad or wrong because of who I am on the inside and what my heart feels about who I want to love and devote myself to. I want to believe that I have friends that still like me despite my choices. I just came out in 2010. I let others know about the changes I made in my lifestyle because I was so excited when I finally discovered who I really am. I wanted to shout it out I was so happy to be able to express the emotion and joy that I felt in coming out to the world. I did not force myself on anyone. I still love my friends even if my sexual preference is different than some of theirs is. My choices and my own personal beliefs in life do not not mean I am wrong or bad. I want to be accepted for my heart and nothing else and I don’t want to be lumped into some category that “all of us” are the same. My sister is gay, my mother is gay and my uncle was gay but we are all different. Don’t put a label on me please. There are those of us who are flamboyant and there are those who are conservative. If you disagree with my choices please don’t shun me I am human and I have feelings. Just because I am the way I am doesn’t mean that if you are around me I am going to try to change you into what I am. I tried to explain to some of my friends that since I have come out I am a much better person than before. I immediately felt free and at peace with the changes and much of the anger I had felt before went away. I was open to love and accept on a whole new level. I know I am the minority. I know most wont like me. Many of us get killed for being open about our lifestyle depending on what country. It is is condemned..This lifestyle is a hard road to walk. Since I came out the family members who are not like me have cut me off and disowned me….many of my long time friends stay away and friends on Facebook have un-friended me and They avoid me when they see me in public. I get made fun of and belittled. They whisper when they see me coming. It makes me feel pretty bad…to be honest to know that just because I took a stand to tell the world I am many hate me for it. Yes, I came out in 2010…that is when I became a Christian.

  45. Dave says:

    You sir, rock. Way to be. Keep being awesome and keep loving your brother. Gay, straight, yellow, green, black, white, people all bleed red. We are all human. Love everyone.

  46. First off, congratulations to your brother and his partner. May they have many happy years. As for your friend, well he obviously wasn’t much of one. I, too, am in their corner. Some of my dearest friends are gay and it hurts me that many of them cannot marry because of US laws. I am glad your brother has found another wonderful man to share his life with, and a brother that loves him as much as you obviously do. You are a credit to humanity. For once I’m not ashamed of our species. Again, I commend you. Congrats to your brother and his partner. And may your “friend” receive all the love and luck he deserves; however much, or little, that may be.

  47. Deb Jones says:

    I defriended for a similar reason. A good friend I grew up with posted “You are Wrong wrong wrong! Marriage should be between a man and a woman! Yes, I said it! I do not want to see anymore pictures of gays kissing, I don’t want to know that you support it…I already know you are gay!”. This friend that I have never known to be of religious morals then goes on to state how she grew up with certain values and that “God intended for the union to be between a man and a woman. To me, it is simple. From my brother ” hate the sin-love the sinner” perfect!”. This friend that is on her second marriage and had confided in me when she cheated on her current husband is pretty much no longer my friend. =( It’s sad when you think you know your friends…

    • NewBeliever says:

      Your friend seems to have double standards! I love when it is brought up, by the church….something like…..”we don’t hate gays, just the sin!” I am Christian and truly believe everyone needs to get educated…..Isn’t their particular research that has or is being done that shoes that sexuality is NOT A CHOICE?

      • thespacebetween2 says:

        Well in the case of gay sex if its a sin its small so i merely dislike the sin but love the person. Gay folks kissing on the other hand is not a sin as that is a sign of affection. Saying dislike the sin is not double standards. Jesus told the prostitute to “go and sin no more” after he told them not to stone her. Saying gay sex is a sin liberals often equate that to saying gays are evil which is not the case at all and neither does the word sin mean abhorrent evil but anything from ultra mild transgression to ahobrent evil, sin itself is not a particularly strong word to condem an act. Further they equate words on the right, wrong or indifference of gay sex as tantamount 2 physical stoning… words are most certainly not stones nor hateful nothing hateful with disagreeing with gay people actually having sex as long as you respect their right to disagree with you but they don’t have a right to disagree with your disagreement and call it “hateful” (without then being guilty of the label they apply) but calling it “incorrect or paternalistic but misjudged paternalism” is fine as that in itself is not intolerant. Liberals don’t care about redistributing wealth nor do they care about tolerating both ways in a lot of cases. Only agreeing not tolerance of difference of opinion is what they want. If jesus told a gay guy to merely kiss his partner todays liberals would say he hated gays…. I agree though that having an issue with gays kissing is homophobic (because kissing is just a sign of love and free from lust) but not having an issue with gay sex as without any possibility of children in any gay relationship it is hard to see how it could be totally pure….Their are bigger wrongs in the world than gays having sex if it is even a wrong but dont force folk to call it a right if they arent sure. Dont say that is equivalent to saying genoiced all gays cause it makes you look like a wing nut and divorced from all sense of scale and perspective. If a gay person was nasty to people or a straight person was nasty to people and they also happened tobe having orgies every night, the very last thing to fix would be the orgies but dont tell us that saying that once they have become nearly like a saint they shouldnt then try to fix the last flaw in their character as the very top of the icing on top of the icing on top of the cake….

        • Freespirit says:

          Wrong. Consensual sexual behavior is not a “sin.” It’s what God gave us to be happy. And no amount of sugar-coated shit in this post is going to change that.

          • zeromein says:

            Since you are obviously ignorant of what “sin” is: When God calls homosexuality an abomination (Leviticus 18:22) (Leviticus 20:13)

          • Dot Newkirk says:

            It is so sad that so many “Christians” keep quoting a rather obscure passage from Leviticus in the OLD Testament to support their bigotry, while the continue to eat shrimp, tattoo themselves, wear clothing from mixed fibers, etc. Why are you cherry-picking the parts that you agree with? If it is “God’s” law shouldn’t you obey ALL of it? You forget Christ’s greatest commandments to Love God and your fellow man. I dislike religious dogma. Many homosexual partnerships, marriages etc last longer and are more committed than “Christian” marriages between men and women. Shouldn’t you also be calling out the divorced and the adulterers that had sex with their “new” wives before they were officially married like Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich, who are the leaders in the GOP race? After all THAT is in the TEN COMMANDMENTS. The “savages” like the Hopi were more civilized than you, they recognized that people sometimes had 2 Spirits in their bodies, they revered them, didn’t condemn them for being different. Remember God made LGBTQA people too. Perhaps they were supposed to be a teaching tool and lesson to people like you to teach you to love your fellow man and not judge how they were made by God. You need to get out of other people’s bedrooms and make sure YOUR house is in order.

        • allydavidstevens says:

          Hey Zero!

          Please answer my slavery question if you plan to use the Bible at all on this page.

  48. Lynn says:

    How wonderful for brother and his partner! Not everyone is lucking enough to find such a great match.

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