A Gay Dad Sounds Off on the Gutless Who Mask Bigotry as “Religious Freedom”

Posted on September 6, 2013 by robw77

ImageA wedding is one of the most popular and revered fixtures of modern culture. Children, particularly girls, are led to romanticize it. Television shows build whole ratings-grabbing boosts around their fictional renditions of it. Weddings are loved, they are hated, they are dreamed about, they are dreaded. They can be magical and they can be disasters. Whatever they are . . . people remember their own wedding day, good or bad, their whole lives long. They are an important milestone for everyone who has one, and they should be treasured.

Recently, I have been asked to officiate at two weddings. The couples who asked, one opposite gender and one same gender, are both very close to my heart. I am honored and humbled by their requests and take them very seriously. I have been asked to have a voice in the most cherished moments of these friends’ lives, and I will do everything in my power to perform at the level they deserve. These invitations have given me a moment to ponder about people who, when they are asked to become involved in these sacred events, use the requests as a platform to express bigotry instead.

There is a disclaimer at the end of many movies where woodland creatures appear to be ravaged: “No animals were harmed in the making of this movie.” The illusion that there might be such harm was at the whim of the storytellers, and it is their final intention to let you know that they were fibbing for the sake of drama.

There should be a similar disclaimer at the end of same-sex wedding events: “No Christian principles were violated in the union of these people.” Those are the facts. The people in this case who would have you believe otherwise are not storytelling filmmakers, they are some of the bakers, dressmakers, florists, and venue managers in the wedding industry. They want you to believe that somehow supporting two people making a lifetime commitment is a violation of their own “religious freedom.” This is one of the biggest illusionary shell games in public discourse today.

Almost to the case, these offending vendors have demonstrated a complete lack of scruples in any other way toward the very principles they claim to uphold. While they deny service to LGBT couples wishing to marry, they appear to have no problem in ignoring anything else that would fly in the face of biblical standards. Oregon’s Sweet Cakes by Melissa, which shut its doors this week, showed they would marry pretty much anyone and anything, including even animals, but absolutely no LGBT couples. Aaron Klein claims that those speaking out against his discrimination used “militant, mean-spirited Mafia-style tactics” to shut them down.  “I just did not want to be part of her marriage,” he stated, referring to one of the brides he to whom he declined service.  What are the standards at play in his statement?  Dishonesty—there is no evidence of “Mafia” or any other illegal tactics being used.  Hypocracy—the Kleins want freedom of speech, but do not want those who react to their behavior to enjoy the same freedoms (or to have a choice as to where they spend their money). Delusion—the bride asked him to provide a service for her wedding, I don’t mean to speak for her, but I am positive that she had no intention of having him in her marriage at all.

Let’s look at that Washington florist. She also lacked moral standards.  She had no problem flowering the romance and intimacy of two gay men, which should have been the core of her misguided religious complaint, but then pulled back when the two were ready to declare lifelong allegiance to each other (that is, marry), which actually is supported by the Bible.

I personally did my own digging in one of these cases to see if an Iowa venue, the Gortz Haus Gallery, which rejected the union of two men, would hold the same scrutiny over a celebration of another non-opposite gender union: the “marriage” of two corporations.  I sent in the request and described an event of a ceremony and reception to be celebrated by two unifying nameless corporate teams.  The details mirrored and almost mocked the traditional wedding set up.  Would Gortz Haus care whether the companies were ethical and moral?  Would they care if there was love involved or pure opportunism?  Would they care about anything other than the fact that Gortz Haus was being offered money to hold the event?

They did not. Betty Odgaard of Gortz Haus Gallery eagerly bid on my proposed event without a single inquiry into the ethical or philosophical standing of either entity in the union. She stated, welcomingly, “By managing setting arrangements and timing, we have had very good success in similar situations.”

Standing up for Christian principles in general is obviously not the motivator for any of these people; taking a stance against LGBT people is. Even with the most outlandishly anti-gay interpretation of the Bible, not one Bible verse implies that it is wrong to provide services for two people standing up to articulate their love and promises toward each other. Not one.

In fact, there are many references that support doing so: the commandment to love one’s neighbor as one’s self; the commitment and love declared by David and Jonathan; the golden rule; the fact that Jesus himself was a de facto wedding event contributor when he turned water into wine (without making a judgment on the wedding party for whom his service had been performed).

As for the concept of “religious freedom ,” it presents its own unique problematic dichotomy. How can one person’s “religious freedom” be granted at the expense of someone else’s? The existence of multiple “religious freedoms” that are mutually exclusive of one another cannot exist. The U.S. Supreme Court wrestled with this concept in 1878 (Reynolds v. United States), when it was presented with the case for bigamy on the part of the Mormon Church. The Court rejected the “religious freedom” argument, citing the “slippery slope” ramification to unfettered “religious freedom,” which could ultimately force, for example, the legalization of religiously sanctioned human sacrifice by those who believed that God mandated it.

While no one in our modern society is suggesting that people lose their physical lives over “religious freedom ,” those who wrap their bigotry up in this phrase are essentially condemning LGBT couples to the loss of their emotional life. These naysayers would sacrifice the happiness, hopes, security, honor, and dignity of the lives of people in their community purely on the basis of their own personal, albeit inconsistent, belief system. They advocate that others should lose their life well-being in a sacrifice to their own particular belief in God.

This is not religious freedom. It is not principled. These people are running scared from the fact that the world around them has changed. Recently, the New Mexico State Supreme Court ruled that these bigots can express whatever they think and feel, and that they can believe as they wish. They can hang a sign. They can run advertising. What they cannot do is deny prejudicial service and interfere in the loves of others.

However, to achieve a greater sense of true Christian love, our courts, churches, and people must now discard the “conventional wisdom” of decades past and drop these baseless prejudices.

That does not take public aggrandizing and self-victimization. What it takes is guts.

 

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 57 Comments

A Gay Dad Pulls His Kids out of Private School and into Public, to Celebrate California’s New Transgender Respect Law

Posted on August 25, 2013 by robw77

ImageI got the news at the beginning of summer. The school my sons had gone to for the past five years was closing. With sadness, I needed to find them a new private school. I checked out the local public elementary school, and found to my pleasant surprise that it had a lot to offer my ten- and eleven-year-old sons. It was worth considering.

At the same time, the California Legislature was busy with an adventure of their own. Assembly member Tom Ammiano and co-author Senator Mark Leno introduced and passed the School Success and Opportunity Act. The act looks out for the small percentage of students in the system who are transgender. It rules that “a pupil be permitted to participate in sex-segregated school programs and activities, including athletic teams and competitions, and use facilities consistent with his or her gender identity, irrespective of the gender listed on the pupil’s records.”

The bill’s authors explained, “Although current California law already protects students from discrimination in education based on sex and gender identity, many school districts do not understand and are not presently in compliance with their obligations to treat transgender students the same as all other students in the specific areas addressed by this bill. As a result, some school districts are excluding transgender students from sex-segregated programs, activities and facilities. Other school districts struggle to deal with these issues on an ad hoc basis. Current law is deficient in that it does not provide specific guidance about how to apply the mandate of non-discrimination in sex-segregated programs, activities and facilities.”

Not everyone thinks this is a good idea. California dad, assemblyman Tim Donnelly not only voted against the law, he is pulling at least one of his sons out of the public school system because of its enactment. In an editorial he states, “My 13- and 16-year-old boys were horrified at the idea of sharing a bathroom and locker room with a member of the opposite sex, after having discussed AB 1266 with them.” 

I had a similar discussion with my sons. Check that. Not similar, on the same topic. Rather than present the situation to my sons in the horrific genitals-on-display terms that Mr. Donnelly apparently did, I discussed the challenge that transgender students face. “Their brains and hearts tell them they are one gender, but everyone sees them as the opposite gender,” I explained. The boys immediately described a friend of theirs that seems to be exactly that way. I continued. “Our state just passed a new law that allows these students to decide for themselves who they are, and to do the activities that feel right for them.”

“Great!” Jesse declared in his it’s-all-solved kind of way.

“So . . . you are okay with them using the same bathroom as you?” I asked, treading into dangerous territory.

“Hmm. Well, that is one part that would be kind of weird,” he mused, thinking about his friend.

“Awkward!” his brother, Jason, piped up. “They told us that only boys should see each other’s privates. Those are the rules.”

“They actually are boys, even if you don’t think they look like they are. The law makes the actual rules, and frankly, I am not sure anyone should be looking at anyone’s privates at all,” I suggested. “You are in the next stall behind a sheet of metal. You aren’t seeing them.” I thought back to my college days of using a dorm’s co-ed bathroom facilities that contained stalls and private shower cubicles. I had been impressed by how inconsequential it all was.

“Yeah,” Jesse agreed after a moment of reflection. “It would be different, but no big deal.” Jason nodded in agreement and turned back to his dinner. End of discussion . . . no horror, no trauma. Later the boys brought up their friend again.

“It would be so cool for her to do what . . .” Jesse’s voice trailed off as he corrected himself, “do what he wanted to do,” he finished.

Having walked through such a discussion firsthand, I can only speculate as to what the Donnelly family version must have been like. If it was anything like the assemblyman’s presentation in the media, or reflective of the sarcastic mock hysterics on Fox News, it was filled with sensationalist talk of opportunistic, exhibitionistic heterosexuals, ogled genitals, and lots of communal bathroom functions.

Those arguments do nothing to make me fear respecting my transgender neighbor. However, they do give me pause about being caught alone in a bathroom with an anti-gay Republican. I am going to wonder exactly what he’s looking at in there.

Here is the bottom line (pardon the expression). Donnelly is pulling one of his sons out of the system over fear of his coming in contact with a transgender student. I am going to put two sons into the system in celebration of the dignity it affords them and a friend they care about.

Here is my open note to the assemblyman:

Yes, Mr. Donnelly, I see your bet and double you. You take out one student; I am putting in two.

I am thrilled to have my kids in a system that does not allow children to be traumatized by anti-gay “therapy,” that teaches them about LGBT contributions in history, and that allows their fellow students dignity. That is reflective of the world I want them to know, and the world I want them to lead.

The public outcry that you and Fox News are trying to stir up is as irresponsible and unwarranted as the discomfort and humiliation you are attempting to instill in your own sons.

The Los Angeles Unified School District adopted this policy in 2004 and has run it without outcry. Mischievous heterosexuals are not permitted to play pretend transgender so they can shower with the opposite sex, as several conservative pundits have stated they themselves might be inclined to do. The California Interscholastic Federation has guidelines in which students or their parents “must contact the school administrator or athletic director indicating that the pupil has a consistent gender identity different than the gender listed on the pupil’s school registration records, and that the student desires to participate in activities in a manner consistent with his/her gender identity.” The school considers the case and sets a course of action consistent with the Los Angeles Unified School District guidelines, “Where available, a ‘gender neutral’ restroom may be used by any student who desires increased privacy, regardless of the underlying reason . . . Schools may provide a student access to a locker room facility . . . considering the available accommodation and the needs and privacy concerns of all students involved.”

I want to inspire my kids to strive for the principles of dignity, privacy, and the excellence that all individuals have the right to develop within themselves. You seem interested only in having yours scurry off in search of a fig leaf.

Am I concerned about putting my sons in the public school system that you and your party have worked to underfund? Yes. I worry about my sons dealing with the larger class sizes, the potential for bullying, reduced access to the arts, and being trained to score high on tests rather than really learn. I will be vigilant on all those issues, I can promise you.

I will not, however, lose sleep over their transgender friend whom they adore and who might use the same restroom they do. I will not conjure up fears in my children over situations where they have an opportunity to appropriately expand their comfort zone and embrace others different from themselves. I will not turn my back on a smaller population who faces enormous demoralization and abuse at the hands of an arrogant majority, all for the sake of feigned modesty and heterosexual lust.

Neither should you.  Your choice to sensationalize this issue with your sons and scare them from wanting to attend their schools is a disappointment, in my opinion.  That you seek to undermine our state’s school system, one which you think yourself qualified to lead as our governor after the next election, is irresponsible.  That you ignore the welfare of a minority of students, and propose that ostracizing them is a benefit to the majority, is unconscionable.

Something stinks here, and it is not the bathrooms or locker rooms you decry, it is your lack of integrity.

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

A Gay Dad’s Open Letter to the International Olympic Committee: Move the Damned Games Already

Posted on August 14, 2013 by robw77

ImageTwo masters of the art come face to face and battle wits, brawn, and skill to win their meet and emerge victorious. While that could be a description of an instance at the Olympic Games, it is really an observation of the game of chicken being played out now between Russia and the International Olympic Committee. Who will blink first and cave into the other’s will?

On the one side you have the Russians with team leader Putin. Their goal is clear. They want it all. They want to oppress LGBT people into nonexistence, and have the rest of the world complacently back off as they do so. On the other side, you have the International Olympic Committee (IOC), who seem to recognize the need to protect and honor human rights, or at the very least, understand that trying to adhere to the Russian oppression over their population of outspoken athletes would be dangerous. Celebrities from Stephen Fry, to Harvey Fierstein, from Madonna to Lady Gaga—all with visibility but no power—have decried Putin and described his actions as reminiscent of an early Hitler before the world knew they had the opportunity to stop him, but didn’t.

Then, there are those who do have power. President Obama stated on the Tonight Show that he has “no patience” for Russia’s anti-gay laws. Olympic officials C. K. Wu and Richard Carrion have declared being “cross” and having “ire” toward Russia respectively. Both condemn discrimination on the part of host cities and vow to make sure that it ceases . . . sometime . . . in the future.

Despite pressure from the International Olympic Committee, Russia’s Interior Ministry has promised to enforce the law. The ministry claims that people who “do not commit such acts [to promote homosexuality to minors], do not conduct any kind of provocation and take part in the Olympics peacefully” are not at risk for arrest. The minister did not address the fact that the law allows the police to arrest tourists and foreign nationals they suspect of being homosexual, lesbian, or ‘pro-gay’ and detaining them for up to 14 days.

A spokesperson for the International Olympic Committee in the meantime retreated, not to find the best solution, but to find one that could be rationalized within the Olympics Charter. “‘Regarding your suggestions, the IOC has a clear rule laid out in the Olympic Charter (Rule 50) which states that the venues of the Olympic Games are not a place for proactive political or religious demonstration. ‘This rule has been in place for many years and applied when necessary. ‘In any case, the IOC would treat each case individually and take a sensible approach depending on what was said or done,’” Gay Star News was told.

Did you see that? The IOC just blinked. Game over. Win for the Russian regime.

As a gay dad, I want to deal with issues that affect my sons’ world, and this one does so in a huge way. There are parents in Russia, just like me, who are having to flee their country to survive. If I did not speak up, I would be heinously remiss. Here is my open letter to the International Olympic Committee.

Dear International Olympic Committee, 

First, I want to say that I appreciate your difficult position. Pulling off an event the magnitude of the Olympics is nothing short of a miracle. For it to start, continue, and end, even in a suboptimal way, is in itself an “Olympic” feat. There are more logistics, finances, and organization required than most of us can imagine, and we, the fans, are the beneficiaries of your hard work.

That said, we need to talk about one core fact. You and I are both parents. I am the fortunate father of eleven- and ten-year-old sons. You are the parent to thousands and thousands of aspiring champions. I give my sons guidance, nurturing, love, and principles, and strive to help them grow up to be the best that they can be. You do the same to the enormous population in your charge.

My sons are starting at a new school in the fall. I’m a bit nervous. They will be encountering new people, strangers. These people may not welcome who they are. They may bully them when they find out the kind of family they come from. I have decisions to make in terms of protecting my children and preparing them as to appropriate ways to react.

Your children will be starting at a new venue in February. You have more information on your situation than I do on mine. You already know that any of your children who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or pro-LGBT are at risk. (That is a very, very, very big number of human beings.) A big, bad Russian bully has made it clear that he has it out for them. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

As I see it, there are three basic parenting principles in play here:

1. Don’t Run Away from Your Problems: Running away never solves the issue, and, if anything, it gives fuel to the thing wishing to do you harm. Bullies must be confronted and wrongs must be made right. Just because you find a loophole path to take does not mean you should take it. If you think there are Olympic principles worth caring about, fight for them. Otherwise, they are not worth the Hallmark cards or pop musical anthem CDs you market to publicize them.

2. Be Fair: If you are tempted to ask LGBT athletes, fans, and staff to hide who they are, to conceal their romantic and sexual identities, then do so for all. Heterosexual wedding bands and engagement rings must also be hidden from view at all times. Heterosexual hand-holding, kissing, and affection must be also categorized as propaganda and a political statement violating section 50. Any establishment in which budding heterosexual activity is encouraged must be forbidden. It is going to be a cold Saturday night in Sochi that week.

3. Above All, Keep Your Children Safe: Losing patience? Feeling cross with pangs of ire? None of those cut it when you are a parent and your children are threatened. You do not negotiate with the bully, especially when he keeps jerking you around. You do not have wiggle room when it comes to those in your care, those who have entrusted their lives to your protection and your sphere of guidance. You have a duty. You have a responsibility. You have a calling. You are a global parent on whom millions rely. Right now, you are a negligent parent, derelict in your duties. If there were a Child’s Protective Services agency big enough in this universe, I would call them on you. Unfortunately, there is not.

As a gay dad, I love my sons more than life itself. I will go to any lengths to protect them, make them proud of who they are, and encourage them live up to the principles that will give them the highest possible sense of honor. I am a mere mortal. You are named for the gods and should have infinitely more moral fortitude than I do. Start behaving like it.

In short, quit acting like the irresponsible pansy-assed victim. And move the damned games. Now.

Sincerely,

One Gay Dad.

(On behalf of all the other parents who care about the children of the world.) 

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

A Gay Dad’s Family Teaches the Ex-Gay Movement How to Throw a Real Party

Posted on August 4, 2013 by robw77

ImageThis is a tale of two parties. Like the Dickens book, one personified the best of times, and one . . . well, one was a disaster without historic precedent. No, it was not the French Revolution, it was the big “Ex-gay Lobby Day,” which was being held 3,000 miles away from the other big event of the week, my son Jason’s “I am 11” birthday party.

The organizers of the “Ex-gay Lobby Day” had promised that their event would be attended by “thousands.” We were shooting for no more than 20 at the bounce-house party venue with whom we contracted. The “ex-gay” event pulled in about 10 people, and ours is on its way to a whopping 30.

How is it that we were so successful in triple-lapping them?

One of our family practices is to sit down after we throw a party and debrief. I guess I get that from my years in the corporate world. We figure out what went wrong, what went right, what we want to do again, and what we definitely do not want to repeat.

Since the poor ex-gays were mind-numbingly humiliated beyond all possible belief on a very public epic fail, my sons and I decided to sit down and write them a letter with some helpful suggestions.

I need to emphasize that this exercise was in no way an excuse to gloat (okay, well, for me, it might have been . . . a little . . .), my sons earnestly tried to come up with ways to help this pathetically abandoned group of strangers. Here is our family note of condolence and helpful hints:

 Dear Ex-Gay Pride Month Event Organizers,

 We are sorry you had a bad time the other day. We cannot really imagine how embarrassing that was. We invited 50 people to our party on Sunday and if only 10 of them show up, well, we would be a little sad. If we had invited thousands and only 10 showed up, well, we would be really really sad. We don’t like it when people are sad [even if their motives were basically horrible. Dad edit].

We don’t want to pretend we know better, but here are ideas we used that are making our party great, and we thought you might like to use them for next time. [Please, don’t feel there needs to be a “next time.” Dad edit.] 

  1. Have it in a fun place. We are having ours in a place with a bunch of bounce houses. You had yours on the steps of a court, umm, yuck. Ours is fun. Yours was to complain about other people having their civil rights reinforced. Fun versus complaining. Fun wins.
  2. Advertise your event in an exciting way. We did “Jason Turns 11. Come Celebrate!” That sounds happy, and implies that everyone will get cake. We saw your invitation. It essentially says, “Come complain about how other people might be happy living their lives [while we suppressed all our own natural instincts and are living with a sense of damaged self-sacrifice.” Dad edit]. Not even a taste of cake.
  3. We are awesome, and nice, and honest. Our friends really like us, and when we throw a party, they want to show up. No offense, but you are kind of mean, and basically come off as crybabies. You are not ranking very high on the awesome meter. People don’t want to show up for that.
  4. Don’t be boring. You are trying to copy Gay Pride. Gay Pride is a celebration to keep gay families’ spirits high. It does not celebrate that people are gay; it  celebrates that they don’t have to apologize for it. Gay pride has color, music, joy, and passion. Your event looked like our faces when presented with a bowl full of Brussels sprouts. Who the heck wants to show up for that?
  5. And last, but definitely not least, invite real people. Of the 50 people we invited, all of them are real, actual people [okay, one is marginal. Dad edit] Of 10,000 closeted civil-rights-deprived ex-gay people . . . not one of them is real. None, zilch, zero. [Ironically, that is the same number of intact gay dad couples who were interviewed in the dishonest Regnerus study—zero. Dad edit. ] Even if you allow for the possibility that some of your target list are people whose orientations are suppressed, or in your words, “changed,” they are not discriminated against for their newly embraced “heterosexuality.” [“Hey, everyone, I am marrying a woman!” “Hey, you’re fired, you are supposed to be gay!” said no one, ever. Dad edit.] They are not under threat of losing employment, housing, or financial support. They can freely marry of their own [misguided Dad edit] choosing. [Let’s face it, most public “ex-gays,” claim simply to have “slipped up” with real gay people. In the age of Twitter and the Internet, being in public carries the likelihood that they will be recognized and exposed by forbidden sex partners. Dad edit.]

Anyway. We are sorry you were disappointed that your event went so badly. [Not really. Dad edit.] We have an idea. Why don’t you gather up the 10 people who did show up and fly them out to California to join us at our bounce house party? They will all have fun, and they will like you more. You can see what a real gay family is, and how much we love one another. You can see that our having rights won’t be anything bad for you.

You will also see that all we really have to fear is homophobia, and that if homophobia did not exist, everyone would be just fine. And people might even come to your parties.

 Respectfully, Jason and Jesse Watson (and Dad)

 

 

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Reclaiming Wonder by Ken Jansen

Posted on August 2, 2013 by robw77

Guest blog by Ken Jansen.

ImageThis has nothing to do with rights, nothing to do with Equality. I’m not going to rant about what’s happening in the world, or about violence, injustice, bigotry or hatred. This is not the kind of thing I usually even think a lot about. This is about us…Adults.

Tonight, a friend of mine took her two year old grandson to the drive-in to see the movie “Cars.” I guess the town she lives in was part of a Route 66 International Festival, and they showed the movie for free, along with a display of classic cars, bouncy castles, and a bunch of other stuff for kids.

Once she got home, she uploaded pictures of her grandson having a great time. What I saw was a beautiful little boy, and in every picture his eyes were like saucers, his smile was huge, and his face just glowed. This, to him, was the most amazing adventure he’d had in his (to us) short life. I couldn’t help but smile at the look of wonder on that little face.

Then it hit me. Where is that sense of wonder for us? Why do we no longer see joy in simple things like going to see a movie? When did we, as adults, lose the ability to find that kind of pleasure? I remember a walk around the block with my son used to take three to four times as long as it did alone, because he’d stop and look at everything! Every sparkly rock was picked up (and more often than not, brought home.) Every bird, and animal had to be checked out, usually with a hundred questions about what type of bird or animal it was, where it lived, etc. Everything was new to him. Now…not so much.

It kind of saddens me that this sense of wonder, of adventure is lost to us. But is it really lost? Or do we just suppress it, in the rush that is our lives? Do we let what’s “important” take over? What would happen if, just for a few minutes, we looked at things like we did when we were little? How would we see the most “ordinary” items?

This is something that I think would be a definite improvement in our lives. We need to do this. We need to bring back the joy of looking at things, and truly seeing them for the first time in years. We have to find the pleasure in doing things we normally find boring and repetitive, in order to take the boring out of our lives. I’d love nothing more than to see pictures of adults with the same wide eyed, joy filled face as I saw in my friend’s grandson tonight.

We need to stop…bend over…and pick up sparkly rocks.

 

 

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

How Can We Stop a Modern-Day Russian Adolf Hitler?

Posted on July 27, 2013 by robw77

Image“Participation in these games must not be construed to be an endorsement of the policies and practices of the Russian government,” said a leader of the American Olympic Committee and the anti-boycott forces. “Measures have been adopted to ensure that there will be no violation of the fundamental principles of fair play and sportsmanship, or the Olympic standards of freedom and equality to all,” he added.

“There was some talk about the Olympics being boycotted because of what Putin was doing to the gay people in Russia,” said one athlete. “But it was never discussed amongst the team members. We aren’t interested in politics, you see, at all. We are interested in going and winning.”

We’ve all heard the quotes, right? There are reports of Russia beating up LGBT people—bad—and enacting percussion around them, stripping them of rights and sending them to detention camps. Now the Olympic Games are scheduled to take place in Russia next winter. What to do, what to do? Boycott the games? Boycott vodka?

What is going on now is not unprecedented. In fact, the quotes above are not about Russia at all; they are real quotes, but they were doctored slightly. I changed a few words. “Russian” and “Russia” should say “German” and “Germany.”

As in Nazi.

Here are the 2013 statements: “As a sporting organization, what we can do is to continue to work to ensure that the Games can take place without discrimination against athletes, officials, spectators and the media,’ the IOC said in a statement. “To that end, the IOC has received assurances from the highest level of government in Russia that the legislation will not affect those attending or taking part in the Games.”

“The Olympics are not a political statement, they are a place to let the world shine in peace and let them marvel at their youthful talents… I respect the LGBT community full heartedly, but I implore the world not to boycott the Olympic Games because of Russia’s stance on LGBT rights or lack thereof. I beg the gay athletes not to forget their missions and fight for a chance to dazzle the world.” (Johnny Weir)

Those statements are about Russia now. See any difference? I don’t. Neither does playwright Harvey Fierstein, who said in a recent Op Ed piece, “Mr. Putin’s campaign against lesbian, gay and bisexual people is one of distraction, a strategy of demonizing a minority for political gain taken straight from the Nazi playbook.”

Harvey is dead on. Putin has been crafting a strategy for years and it parallels the strategy laid out by a man named Joseph Goebbels, the architect of the “Nazi playbook.”

It makes sense, in a horrible, immoral, horrific life-disillusioning way. It is a tale of a former superpower trying to emerge from its own devastation. Russia faces the world as a shell of what it once was. Its people are angry; its economy is in shambles.

In The Face of the Third Reich,by Joachim C. Fest , Goebbels’s contribution is described. “For Hitler’s sombre, complex-determined visions, his initiative, ecstatic relationship with the masses, Goebbels found the techniques of persuasion, the rationalizations, the slogans, myths and images. It was from Goebbels that der Führer, the term by which Hitler appeared as redeemer, demiurge and blessed saviour, received its visionary content. He astutely turned the initially irresolute Adolf Hitler into der Führer and set him on the pillar of religious veneration. With strenuous Byzantinism, consciously mingling the sacred with the profane, he spread around Hitler that messianic aura which so appealed to the emotions of a deeply shaken nation.”

Putin has been putting the same techniques into action. Before 2008, an organization called Nashi was organized. It was a youth-oriented, pro-Kremlin group meant to go up against street forces who opposed Putin. Nashi based much of their own internal directives on plagiarized writings by Goebbels. The practices are documented in the film Putin’s Kiss. Helle Faber, the producer, stated, “It was shocking for us to realise that this organisation was actually established in Russia . . . we were shocked about the undemocratic methods they used and we were shocked that this was actually going in on 2008, 2009, when we started doing the film. I think that we really have to be aware of organisations like that, because in my opinion it’s just like the Hitlerjugend in the ‘30s. I thought that the world had become wiser, but we obviously haven’t. So I think it’s very important to put the focus on an issue like this.” Nashi became a political organization in 2013 and now operates under the party name of “SMART Russia.”

So, is Putin on his way to becoming our generation’s Adolf Hitler? He is behaving that way, and his actions mirror those of the Nazis as described by the site Yad Vashem, “Nazi anti-Jewish policy functioned on two primary levels: legal measures to expel the Jews from society and strip them of their rights and property while simultaneously engaging in campaigns of incitement, abuse, terror and violence of varying proportions. There was one goal: to make the Jews leave Germany.”

As a gay dad, I was terrified and sickened to read further in Fierstein’s piece: “it is rumored that Mr. Putin is about to sign an edict that would remove children from their own families if the parents are either gay or lesbian or suspected of being gay or lesbian. The police would have the authority to remove children from adoptive homes as well as from their own biological parents.”

Unlike those in the United States who continue to leverage homophobia for political gain, Putin has but one single point of leverage: The majority of his people are anti-gay. For America, the momentum has shifted toward an LGBT-affirming majority, and although homophobic leveraging has not by any stretch been eradicated, it continues to diminish. This shift can be attributed to the tireless work of LGBT advocates and allies, to educate and inform those whose ignorance make them easy prey for inciting bigotry and hate. Sharing real people with real stories has helped all Americans to begin to see that indeed we are all the same: Love is love, and families are made from love.

In my opinion, that is what we must try to do for Russia. Through information and education, the same methods used for decades in the West, we need to fight homophobia at the core in which it thrives: ignorance.

Here are some strategies I would suggest implementing:

  • Don’t boycott the games—“gay” them up. Ask for all nations supporting marriage equality to carry the rainbow flag with their nations flag. Ask all athletes with LGBT friends, family, or relations to come out and wear a flag, and, most importantly, tell their stories.
  • Don’t boycott vodka, but give the suppliers the chance to run LGBT education programs in Russia. Give them the chance to educate their public and put their money where their mouth is; if they do, buy more vodka.
  • Cull the genius brainpower from Facebook pages like Wipe Out Homophobia, Gay Marriage USA and The Equality Mantra, and formulate ways to distribute the LGBT love and family stories in Russian to Russia, to reach an unaware populace.
  • Restrict the travel privileges of Russian government officials and business people to the West. The LGBT groups in Russia are asking for this, and we should respond.
  • Contact all the U.S. businesses doing commerce in Russia. We need to stop doing business with these entities as well if they do not include LGBT education with their capitalism.
  • President Obama and Secretary John Kerry must be our mouthpieces. They need not only to condemn the actions in Russia, they need to use their bully pulpits to educate.

Hatred and fear are formidable political action motivators. Truth and love are their adversaries, and equally effective, as the past several years of advocacy in America have begun to demonstrate in concrete results. We need the Russian people to know us. They need to see the gay dads and lesbian moms who have nurtured children, many saved from horrible lives in foster care. They need to see our love stories. They need to understand our humanity.

World War II ended with an atomic bomb. We need to change Russian hearts and minds with an atomic bomb of love, truth, and education.

Let’s drop an LGBT truth nuke on Putin’s ass.

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

Posted in Civil Rights, Hatred, News, Politics, Prejudice | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

The Day I Took My Ten-Year-Old Sons and Eighty-Year-Old Parents to See a Show About Drag Queens

Posted on July 21, 2013 by robw77

ImageThe mix of cultural experiences, generational viewpoints, and age perspectives within a family can be fascinating, intriguing, and sometimes, yes, a little disconcerting. A friend of mine told me that she was a little concerned when her young daughter bounced around the house lip-syncing to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.”  “She is a virgin!” my friend cried.

I felt a similar wave of disturbance in the parental force when my post-toddler sons did their version of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It),” complete with dance routine. These are moments when the people, artistic material, and sensibilities seem to be delightfully disconnected.

We had a potential situation like that last week when I took my two rough-and-tumble, jockish ten-year old sons, and my two Fox-news-loving, Republican, eighty-something parents to see my partner Jim act, sing, and dance in a local production of La Cage aux Folles.

The show is described as follows: “Jerry Herman and Harvey Fierstein’s musical comedy is the story of a flamboyant gay couple—Georges, the manager of a Saint-Tropez nightclub featuring drag entertainment, and Albin, his romantic partner and star attraction—and the farcical adventures that ensue when Georges’ son brings home his fiancée’s ultra-conservative parents to meet them. Winner of countless Tony Awards including Best Musical and Best Musical Revival. Adult themes.”

“Adult themes” is code for gender and sexual orientation equality.

I did not have a single qualm about taking my family to see the show, although, on the way there, the thought occurred to me that some discussion of the show’s themes might be in order. My parents were well familiar with the movie The Birdcage, and certainly we had gone through thirty years of LGBT personal awareness and evolution since my coming out to them. I figured that for my sons, the tale of an LGBT family would be somewhat familiar, even though our family is dressed in much less glitter and glamour. So, we had no discussions before the show.

The cast was excellent. My family soaked it in, particularly my son Jesse. When one of the Cagelles, played by talented dancer Danny Dwaine Wells II, was performing, Jesse gasped and said aloud in the middle of the song for all to hear, “He is really good! He looks like a she but it’s a he, and he is really good! And he is doing it all in heels!”

For me, the most moving part of the play was near the end when the straight son of the gay couple, Jean-Michel (played by a very talented young actor, Curtis Reynolds), acknowledges his gay parents, and in particular, his nonbiological mother (who is not biologically a woman). Jean-Michel sings the song Look Over There,

How often is someone concerned with the tiniest thread of your life? Concerned with whatever you feel and whatever you touch? Look over there. Look over there. Somebody cares that much. How often does somebody sense that you need them without being told? When you have a hurt in your heart you’re too proud to disclose? Look over there. Look over there. Somebody always knows. When your world spins too fast, and your bubble has burst, someone puts himself last, so that you can come first. So count all the loves who will love you from now ’til the end of your life, and when you have added the loves who have loved you before, look over there. Look over there. Somebody loves you more…

I was completely filled with emotion; every single word rang true for me, and these lyrics were the perfect description of how much I love my sons. I turned to look at them, both enraptured by the spectacle in front of them. Jesse caught me looking at them, and leaned over.

 “Dad . . . I have to go to the bathroom.” Okay. Back down to Parent Planet Earth.

After the show, I had a rousing conversation with my family. My parents loved it and found themselves much more familiar with it than they had expected to be. The boys loved it, too, and took the family dynamics in stride, as I thought they would. “But why did they cast men to play women?” Jesse wanted to know. “Why didn’t they just find women to play those parts?”

 “That was part of the show,” I explained. “The characters are actually men who find fulfillment by dressing up as women.”

 “They do?” both my boys shouted out in shock. I realized then that we had hit our “teachable moment” of the experience. I also became aware that the preteen gender-role programming of our society had, unbeknownst to me, been affecting my sons. I was not shocked; I had been hearing “anti-girl” rhetoric from some of their friends for a while, and had been working to dismantle it.

“Yes, of course.” I explained. “Just as you guys feel cool and happy when you dress up as super heroes and robots, other men like the glamour of posing as women.” They both nodded their understanding. “Besides, Jess, when you were three, remember asking for a set of Princess Slippers for Christmas? I made sure you got them!”

Jesse laughed remembering the prized footwear. “Yeah. But they hurt!”

One of the perks of being the spouse of a cast member is that you get to meet the others in the cast. It was a pleasure for me to be introduced to Curtis, the young actor who had moved me to tears. As I shook his hand, I said, “I have to tell you, as a gay dad of these two, I found your delivery of that song to be incredible. You sang to the hearts of so many gay parents who are ignored, maligned, and not valued. Your song and the emotion you gave it told the world what we are really about. You aced it. You are very good at what you do.”

The comment seemed to mean something to him, and as I moved away, Jesse reached up and put his arms around me, having overheard what I said. “I love you, Daddy. Thank you for bringing us.” He planted a big kiss on my cheek, before scrambling away and chasing his brother down the sidewalk.

Maybe I am good at what I do, too.

 

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

New Studies Show: It Is Not About Whether the Parents Are Gay, It’s About Whether They Are Happy

Posted on July 15, 2013 by robw77

ImageMy 10-year-old son Jason just bounded out of bed, excited to meet this Saturday morning. He crawled onto my lap as I was trying to type and we reviewed all the great things we have lined up this weekend. Snuggles and kisses ensued. This is his birthday month and he has a lot on his mind, all good stuff.

My two sons were adopted through foster care. Jason has been with me since birth, my younger son, Jesse, came to me at a year old. Anti-gay pundits like to quote “studies” that claim that our kind of family is bad and can’t work. The funny thing is, from our vantage point on this Saturday morning, everything seems to be working just fine.

The anti-gays actually quote only one study, one done by Mark Regnerus. In that study, please guess how many families like mine—families where children were raised long term by two male parents—were studied. Guess.

Zero. That’s right. Not one. Two, only two, of the respondents in hundreds were raised by lesbian mothers, but none by gay fathers. The only “gay fathers” in the study were parents who, after leaving the families in question, had some sort of gay encounter. The study, while pretending to indict families like mine, actually studied long-term intact families as compared with fragmented and dysfunctional families. Even Regnerus could not tie factors to gender.

So, real studies that compare like families to like families are somewhat welcome, if no other reason than for clarity. What are the real factors that affect families?

“Be inspired” says a new public service announcement from the ABC Family show The Fosters and the LGBT-family-oriented RaiseAChild.US organization. The ad targets prospective LGBT parents, and others, as potential foster parents. While inspiration to parent is absolutely an arguable point, according to new studies on adoptive parenting and child-rearing, the comment “be happy” might also be a key and appropriate goal.

One study, “Predictors of Psychological Adjustment in Early Placed Adopted Children With Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Parents,” was published in the Journal of Family Psychology, and is co-authored by Williams Institute Visiting Scholar Abbie E. Goldberg and JuliAnna Z. Smith of the University of Massachusetts. The study found that factors leading to the greatest success in healthy children included parent preparedness before having the child, depressive tendencies of the parents, and lack of parental conflict in raising the child. In other words, how happy the parents are makes a difference.

What does not make a difference? “The emotional and behavioral outcomes of children adopted and raised by same-sex couples do not differ from those of children adopted and raised by different-sex couples,” said Goldberg. “Our findings lend support for arguments that prospective adopters should not be discriminated against, in policy or practice, based on sexual orientation.”

A study conducted by Cambridge University in March of this year reported similar findings. “Overall we found markedly more similarities than differences in experiences between family types,” said Professor Susan Golombok, director of the Centre for Family Research and co-author of the Cambridge report.

Optimistic attitudes did emerge in that study as well. “The differences that did emerge relate to levels of depressive symptoms in parents, which are especially low for gay fathers,” Golombok concluded.

My family, more by happenstance than by design, falls into the characteristics described in the studies for healthy families. My sons were planned for years before they arrived. They have never been cared for by a parent who was disgruntled about the role he had to undertake and the duties he was called on to perform. Our home has always been vibrant and vital. Depression is not a factor.

We did not need a study to tell us to be this way. None of the LGBT families I know, and that number ranges in the dozens, has had to be told to be affirming. We do not operate in the world of the accidental pregnancy. We are not subject to gender assigned roles, but contribute to our families in ways that match our individual talents and abilities. We did not become parents because we had to or were expected to, or by accident; we became parents because we wanted to.

So, I don’t measure the success of my family by studies. If I need documented confirmation that things are okay, I turn to other sources, like the cards my sons gave me for Mother’s Day.

Jesse’s said, “Dear Daddy, I love you when you hold me in your arms and when I get hurt and you give me a hug.” Jason’s said, “I love you more than video games, movies, my Mario Cart 7 and anything else in the whole wide world. I love you more than all the fish sticks in the world.”

Take that, Mark Regnerus.

Today, my sons are going to meet with their tutor. We are going to go see their grandparents, where they will go swimming. We may catch a movie. What we won’t be doing is diving under some sociologist’s microscope. We are simply going to go on with our lives and love one another. A lot.

And we are going to be happy.

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

A Recovering Evangelical

Posted on July 10, 2013 by Ono Kono

A few weeks ago, I was in a discussion, although I was mostly listening to a former Universalist turned Roman Catholic, and a gay Episocpalian. We were comparing religious notes and it was a wonderful conversation. I mentioned that I was raised in Pentecostal churches. He smiled and asked, “Are you still in recovery?” I thought about it for awhile and agreed, I am a recovering Evangelical.

Then neither do I condemn you

I grew up in an Evangelical Christian home, so I understand the religion very well. Many, many years ago, I walked away from being a Christian, because I was disgusted by the way Christians treated others, not to mention how they treated each other. I grew tired of going to church and feeling that my spirit was constantly being torn down. The bible was used as a weapon against me and others, not as a comfort. I walked away because I began to see how bankrupt it was when it came to love. For many years, I tried visiting different churches, sometimes I would walk out in the middle of the sermon because it did not emulate the love of God, but was about pointing fingers at this group or that. There was no comfort from the Bible; the church was not a place to find peace and refuge in God. For me the church was about turmoil. I finally understood that many were not following Jesus words, but cherry picking the bible to hide their brokenness.

I watched the trickery of offering help with lots of strings attached. I watched the preying on the weak. I watched scandal after scandal, even in my own family. Christians did the worst behavior that I witnessed personally in my lifetime. I prayed a lot and eventually I came to an understanding that I was looking for fellowship with followers of Christ in all the wrong places.

Now you may not go to a church like the ones from my past, but I spent over 30 years of my life trying to find one that truly followed Christ, that emulated his love. Oh yes, many had a lot of outward expression about God this, Jesus that, they could speak about God, pull verses out as fast as you could speak, but their actions spoke little about Christ’s love. Because I believe that when Christ is in your heart, the light of love shines. God does not live outside of us, he is a part of us, and we are part of him, and that makes us whole. We are not wretched children of God, we are his beloved. When we know that we are whole, we have no need to judge others, we have no need of a caste system with some group being the untouchables—gays being the latest in that group. The minute we have hoisted ourselves up on a pedestal above all others, we are thumbing our noses at Christ’s commandments.

Having said all that, I don’t believe it’s impossible for a Christian to change, to wake up and realize the dogma of hate they’ve been fed through their church or talk radio programs. In Christ all things are possible. I don’t think love is super hard to do either, if it’s in your heart and you give up the doctrine that tells you its hard. I know we don’t always act loving, but being loving is not hard when it is in your heart. I think perhaps the hardest thing to do is seeing and admitting that perhaps our beliefs aren’t all they are said to be. I had to let go of a lot of fear that had been programmed into me from my childhood. I guess the best way to say it is, I had to leave the fear and control of Christianity to find God and become a follower of Jesus.

I’ve seen a parade of Christians spill their dislike, hiding behind scriptures to justify their unloving and unkind actions towards gays (I am using the word gays for any LGBTs), all the while thinking they are doing God’s work. What they actually do is leave behind an ungodly wake of what would make anyone targeted feel hated. I am often left wondering how some Christians can be so disrespectful of a group of people and then cry that they are victims when anyone protests their words. For me, if a Christian truly has Christ’s love in their heart, they would not sit in disapproval of anyone being a homosexual, hiding behind slogans of hate the sin, love the sinner. That saying is not about love at all. If a Christian wants respect, then they need to stop being disrespectful. And when someone acts disrespectful, they shouldn’t be surprised when their target disagrees with them.

Christians have a lot of house cleaning to do, but so many are too busy doing the white glove treatment looking for the dirt in other houses to be bothered with cleaning their own. I am glad to see some working on their own toxic clean-up, and it gives me hope many will soon follow suit. However, I think many like me who do this, end up leaving the religion that teaches judgment of others, and look for churches who emulate what Jesus commanded us to do—love him and others, and not judge.

I am so grateful for my gay friends who have offered me friendship regardless that I am a Christian. Maybe their acceptance of me is because I have not put myself above them, because I am not above anyone. My friends have had their hearts broken enough by Christians that being wary is a very healthy thing for them to do. I believe many gays are much better persons than I am—more willing to readily forgive, forget, and move on. I believe all they want is to be treated equally and with respect and dignity. I don’t think that is too much to ask for; after all, isn’t that what we all want?

Posted in Civil Rights, Gay Christians, Marriage equality, Prejudice, Religion | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 41 Comments

Are You Feeling Some Homophobia-inspired PTSD After the Supreme Court Ruling?

Posted on July 8, 2013 by robw77

ImageUnless you have been under a very heavy rock and buried deep in an undisclosed location, you know that the LGBT community scored significant legal wins at the Supreme Court last month. The Court decisions were not perfect mandates on equality—far from it, but they upheld the principles for which LGBT advocates have been fighting for so long.

Most important, the Court decisions turned back our abusers. They told many of them that they had no legal standing to prevent us from being treated fairly. They rejected those who lied about our qualifications as parents and spouses. They rejected those who painted us as perverts and drags on society. They turned away those who claimed a liturgical right to bully us. They looked in the eyes of those who wanted to define us as subhuman and were determined to keep us that way, and said, “you are wrong.”

The joy across the LGBT community was resounding. Many of us were euphoric, and who can wonder! In California the speed of the decision was that of a lightning strike. Infrastructure was turned on, court approvals were put in place, and happy couples started marrying almost immediately.

I looked at my partner, Jim, with whom I have been in a serious relationship for under a year, and suddenly our potential path had new options. A dear friend announced her engagement, and I no longer felt that deep sense of envy. In the past, such an announcement would have signaled that my friend was going through a door that I was only permitted to knock on. No longer.

So, with all this terrific progress, why do I suddenly feel in such a disoriented, numb, crappy mood? And why do I detect that I am not the only one of my LGBT advocate comrades who is feeling this way?

Allow me to offer my personal theory that some of us, probably myself included, are going though what I’ll coin a Post-Traumatic-SCOTUS Disorder mood right now. Bear in mind, I’m speaking as a layperson with no claim as a health or mental health professional, and I do not say this flippantly. Nor do I take comparisons to PTS(tress)D lightly. I became aware of the effects of PTSD in counseling several years ago following my divorce from my domestic partnership. She told me that the horrors experienced in the life-ripping events of divorce often create the effects of PTSD.

Helpguide.org states that causes for PTSD include assault, childhood neglect, the sudden loss of a loved one, terrorism, and abuse. How many elements of these have we been bombarded with in various ways during the reign of homophobia over the past forty years? Sometimes subtle, sometimes overt, these factors have been a constant presence in the lives of many LGBT people. To be sure, we have stated that “it gets better,” and we have gotten stronger against it, but no one I know asserts that homophobia has disappeared.

Then came a President who stood up for us. Like the satisfaction we have had from many allies, he gave us an even more powerful release. He also helped accelerate the death of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” a policy that demeaned LGBT military heroes specifically, and sent a demoralizing message to all LGBT citizens as well.

Nothing said “homophobia is going to go away” like the Supreme Court decisions however. Those were based on principle, not personalities and popularity. They did not address everything, but they opened the door for a full vision. Above all, they gave reassured us that we are out of the legal grasp from our oppressors, once and for all.

So, in a sense, many of us are feeling “post trauma.”

Here are the symptoms that would indicate a stress disorder over these events:

  1. Re-experiencing the event. Do you feel that you are being judged for being LGBT now more than ever? Do you have feelings of shame, fear, or self-oppression around who you are? Do you feel traumatized over the things that have happened to or been said about LGBT people in the past?
  2. Avoidance. Is there a feeling of detachment with your LGBT rights buddies? Are you avoiding reading the articles and pages you used to seek out voraciously? Is there a feeling of numbness, and even a sense of trying to remember actual things that occurred and disturbed you greatly at the time?
  3. Increased anxiety and emotional arousal. Are you having trouble sleeping? Are you feeling agitated and unfocused? Are you feeling hypervigilant and prone to outbursts of anger?

These feelings can be exacerbated by feeling that we should be contented and elated over the recent gains we have made.

If this describes your current emotional state, here are some key things that you can do, in the immortal words of Cher, to “snap out of it.”

  1. Reach out to others for support. We have networks with one another. Let others know you are feeling this way, and work through your feelings in conversation.
  2. Avoid overusing alcohol and drugs. Did partying at Pride seem even more pronounced this year? If you are in this kind of mood, it is probably best to avoid the “solution” that becomes more of the problem than the “problem” itself.
  3. Challenge your sense of helplessness. We have changed the world—all of us. The sense that we are helpless is an illusion. The best way to overcome this is to reach out and help others. Now, more than ever, it is important to reach out, advocate, and work to make others’ lives better.
  4. Spend time in nature. The Sierra Club has instrumental programs for veterans who suffer PTSD from the horrors of physical war. We have experienced it from a virtual war. Nature is our friend too. It is powerful, principled, and beautiful. Embrace it and allow it to reach the depth of your soul. To quote Desiderata, “you are a child of the universe, just like the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.”
  5. Seek therapy. If you are finding yourself responding to these historic Court decisions with more than simply a mood, please consider seeing a trained professional who can open up the possibility to more in-depth assistance.

When my counselor suggested the existence of PSTD in my life, I found comfort in hearing about it. I was able to give myself leeway around feelings and temporary dysfunctions. I found strength to move myself through the moods, thoughts, and dejection I was going through at the time.

We still have a lot to do as a community. We have to ride this momentum and keep working to get our society to understand us better. We also have to acknowledge that we have been harmed, and in many cases intentionally so. We need to take a minute to stop and allow ourselves to heal, and, once healed, to reach out our hands to our brothers and sisters and allow them to do the same.

Here is my hand for you.

 

Please like the evoL= Facebook page here.

 Follow us on Twitter @JandJDad

Special thanks to Rachel Hockett for editing help on this article.

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments