Take Back the Word “Christian”…It’s Time….

Posted on November 27, 2012 by robw77

ImageThat’s it.   I am fed up.  I am taking back the word “Christian”.

Whether you realize it or not, we are in the season, or maybe era, of who-gets-to-use-what-word.  The Conservatives of this country have been on a rampage to keep gay people from using the word “Marriage”  (although many of them are changing their minds).

The Associated Press just took back the word “Homophobia”.  They aren’t going to use it and what’s more, they don’t want you to either.  “It’s just off the mark,” said AP deputy standards editor Dave Minthorn to Politico. “It’s ascribing a mental disability to someone and suggests a knowledge that we don’t have. It seems inaccurate. Instead, we would use something more neutral: antigay, or some such, if we had reason to believe that was the case.”

So.    I am taking back the word “Christian”.  It is no longer to be used in conjunction with certain individuals.  I have always allowed others to define themselves, but to me, a Christian is one who philosophically lives by two Christ Principles:  Love God above all else, and Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.  That is not just my idea.  Jesus Christ is the one who set those standards, I am merely reminding you of them.   If someone lives by those, and wants to be called a “Christian”… great.   I’m onboard.

I am no longer on board with calling people who are elitist and evil “Christian” however just because they insist that we do.  No more.  They have to earn it.

Uganda wants to imprison gay people for life, or kill them if they are HIV positive.  They are NOT Christian.  Barbaric, evil, despicable, grotesque…. But NOT Christian.

Tony Perkins responds “American liberals are upset that Ugandan Pres is leading his nation in repentence—afraid of a modern example of a nation prospered by God?”    That statement is NOT said by someone who has the right to be called “Christian”. An American Taliban, a Heretic, an Opportunistic Slime… sure,  but NOT a “Christian”.

Bryan Fischer says “Homosexuality now against the law in Uganda, just as it was for 200 years in the US.  It can be done.”   He is NOT “Christian”.    Evil, nutty, extremist…. Yes.  He does not deserve to be called “Christian”.

Scott Lively who says, “This is a huge blessing for Uganda and for me personally after having  been vilified globally (and falsely) for two years by the leftist  media as the accused mastermind of the death penalty provision.   Please give this story your best push for maximum exposure. “  He is NOT “Christian”.  If a man acts and speaks like a terrorist, let’s take a page from the accuracy of the Associated Press and call him one.

The Elitist Religious Fanatics of the U.S. (see how easy that was?) have been all in a twit over people refusing to use the word “Christmas” in commercial retail transactions (oddly, an insistence of which is not “Christian” in itself).   I say we go one better and withhold the use of the word “Christian” ONLY for the people who act, espouse and represent it accurately.

We are, after all, in the Age of Word Accuracy.

So, please, I seriously implore you, if you write… please refuse to call any one “Christian” unless they meet the Christ principle standards to do so.  Please pass this standard on to all others you know who write… and to news organizations… and petition the Associated Press.

Please share this.

To use the word principles as given by Mr. Minthorn, to call any of the men I have described in this article, or any of the millions of Americans who agree with them, “Christians” would be “ascribing a philosophy  to someone and suggests a knowledge that we don’t have and is not apparent. It seems inaccurate. Instead, we would use something more neutral: “seething idiots”, or some such, if we had reason to believe that was the case.”

And, I am not kidding…..share this, share this, share this…  until the Seething Idiots get the message.

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Posted in Civil Rights, Gay Christians, Hatred, Marriage equality, Mixing religion and politics, News, Politics, Prejudice, Religion, US Politics | Tagged , , , , | 24 Comments

A Special Friend Comes Out: An Open Letter to Dan Pearce, A Single Bi Dad Laughing

Posted on November 27, 2012 by robw77

ImageDan Pearce holds a special place in the hearts of the evoL= blog team.  We would not be here if it were not for him.   No, he is not our Dad… and we would all be SOMEWHERE without him, but we would never have met, and we would not have created evoL=.

Dan wrote a blog piece over a year ago called “I’m Christian Unless You’re Gay”.   It was a sensible piece with a core observation on Christians who seemed to lose all sense of their Christian principles when it came to their reactions to gay people.   The piece went viral.  Our blog team came together as we met in the discussion section writing pro-gay posts to those who were deriding Dan’s points.   I had caught wind of the article early on, and was one of the early responders to it.   I shared in a post how I was a gay Dad, and my appreciation for Dan’s work, and how I felt about my sons and orientation.  I wrote about those feelings again later in my own blog piece.    Dan commented on his Facebook page and called me a “rock star Dad”.

Now Dan is the rock star.  (Not that he ever wasn’t one.)   Today, he publicly came out as bisexual.

He is getting lots of support… all good as far as I can see.  I wanted to write him a special note, however, and here it is:

Here is my letter to Dan:

Hi Dan!

I am very proud of you.  Coming out is a very personal thing and by doing it publicly, you have helped many others.  More than you will ever know.

My sons are both 10.  Both adopted through fostercare, they are actually 4 months apart.  My younger son stands a good 8 inches taller than his brother and speaks more like a teenager than a 10 year old.  For that reason, they have decided that he is the big brother, and my other son is the older brother.

You, to me, are the BIG brother blogger.  You have built your brand, your experience and I have read your guidance and learned from it.  I am getting my own collections here on evoL= and on the Huffington Post, but am a mere novice.   But on coming out and being a gay dad…. I am the older one.

So here is my open letter to you, based on decades of me traveling the road you are now on….

First…  Dan.   I knew.

I did not know  because of what you wrote about.  I knew because of what you did not write about.  I knew not because of what you reacted to—but because of what caused you to react with stress.  In any case, I knew, as other LGBT people know when we see someone trying to make their way.  It is a helpless feeling to watch because the only answer is to let the person find it out for themselves.  You can’t tell them, they won’t believe you, or they will and will close you out as if YOU are the issue itself.  Right outside their closet door.

Welcome to the world outside the closet.  It is both an exciting, and scary place.  It is also the place where you will find true love.   Not just the true love romantically, but the true love from family and friends that you have been denying yourself.

When you live in the closet, you know that every time someone says “I love you”, it is a lie.  It is not because they are being dishonest, it is because inside you there is a voice that says “that is all well and good, but they love who they THINK I am… if they only knew…”    Well.  Now they do.  We all do.  And we really love the real you.

As you take that in, your confidence will grow.  Your fear of what others will think and fear of rejection will be replaced with self worth and an assertive expectation of acceptance.  You have every right to that acceptance.  You will find your world dividing, and it will not be as you expect.  Many people in your world will come to question their pre-conceived notions of bisexuality versus you, the man they know.  Many will surprise you and discard the old beliefs and be grateful for the profound education (and you may have to give them some time to do this…).   Others, a few, will go the other way.  You have to let them.  The sad news is , they were never your real friends, the good news…now you know.

Give others in your life bandwidth.  Look at your own road to coming out, one in which you had the guidance of your own internal,  albeit mixed up, feelings. They have to travel the same road you did, but without feeling the feelings…which makes it even harder for them to relate.  They will need to hear your feelings, argue with them, and process them.   Be patient.  They will wear out your patience, trust me, but you owe them that.

Be aware that while you threw open your closet door, many of your family may have just be thrown into ones of their own.    Who do THEY tell, who can THEY trust?  What will people think of them having a bi brother, son, cousin…dad?    There is a difference between them accepting you, and of them being out of their own closet.   For some, your blog may have forced them out already beyond their comfort zone.

They have someone who can gently and non-judgmentally help them through that….. you.

The best of your life is ahead of you because it is the one you were meant to have as the real you.  No one can give you shame over it unless you let them.   And you must not let them.

You are carrying precious cargo, that bundle named Noah, and he will be watching.  He, like my boys, has a real person developing in him too.  How much worth and confidence he allows for himself will in no small part be guided by the worth he sees modeled by his dad.

Here is the wish I made for my sons.  It is the wish I wish for you, Dan…and for Noah:

“Someday you will fall in love. As we have talked about, there are men who fall in love with women — quite a lot of them, actually — and then there are men who fall in love with other men, like Papa and I did. As you develop into the men you are going to be, your instincts will tell you which of these you are. Your instincts may also tell you that you are both. I don’t know.

Here is the important point, however: I won’t care. I only care that you are happy and the best you that you can be. I care that you strive for your dreams, that you are in touch with the spirit of the universe (I call Him God, but what you call him/her/it will be up to you), and that you treat all people well along the way. I won’t care about the gender or ethnicity of your future spouse; all I will care about is that you honor and nurture each other and support each other’s value as people, and that neither of you lose your identity behind the desires of the other. “

Good luck, Dan.  We are here for you.

Signed, with Love,

Rob   (robw77)

and:

Thomsense

AllyDavidStevens

Kathleen Zottarelli…much love, peace and joy on your journey!

APeene

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Posted in Bible, Civil Rights, Clobber Passages, Family, Gay Christians, Living, Prejudice, Religion | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

A Gay Dad Sounds Off on Foster Care/Adoption: The Five Reasons Why You Don’t Want to Do It, and the Five Greater Reasons Why You Do

Posted on November 17, 2012 by robw77

ImageProbably one of the most mind-numbingly obtuse excuses anti-marriage equality advocates have for opposing same sex couples getting married is that same sex couples “can’t procreate naturally”.   They say that like it’s a bad thing.

They say it as if we are deeply afraid our population is dwindling and that rampant heterosexuality is not doing its job.  Well, the bumper-to-bumper traffic I just went through says that it is.

Of course, it is not true that same sex couples are unable to procreate.  We are fully capable of procreating with the help of surrogacy, or we can also pursue private adoption, which, while not biological procreation, is pro- creation of a family.

Another way allows same sex couples to be pro-creative of a family and help others.  That is foster care/adoption.  A number of weeks ago, I mentioned this societal benefit in an article about why Christians should support gay marriage.  One of the reasons was to save disenfranchised children .

Both of my sons came into my family from foster care.  For that alone, I owe the system a debt that I will never, ever be able to repay.  There are over 100,000 children in the system that can be adopted instantly (and those adoption avoid some of the “reasons not to” below), and there are over 300,000 that are in foster care whose cases could lead to adoption.  I do not wish to imply that the road through foster care is a cakewalk.   It is daunting at times, but doable.

Here are five reasons that might make you not want to pursue this avenue.   If you are discouraged from it, and  It certainly is not for everyone, then you should not do it.  No harm, no foul.

Foster care/adoption was the way for me.  There are possibly some children out there that are hoping that it is the way for you as well.  Here, however, are the reasons to avoid it:

(Disclosure: This is based on my experience in the California system.  Other systems and your experience are likely to vary.)

  1.  Paperwork and Training:   The paperwork to get into the system, and the bureaucracy around it makes the IRS look fun by comparison.  The paper work then leads to training classes.  While those seem to be a nuisance and unrequired from other means of having children, I am of the opinion that training for parenthood is a good thing.  You have to take classes and pass examines to operate a car, to operate another human being’s life should require nothing less.
  2. You will be judged:  Then social workers check you out.  The fear of their judgment is usually worse than the reality—they won’t care how you dust, or fold laundry, even though before their visit, you will run around doing both.  Where you will be judged, and will have to fight the temptation to fight back , is from the birth parents.  These are scared, angry and often defensive people who are on the verge of losing their children, for good reason.  They often need a target at which to lash.  It can easily be you.
  3. You will have no rights:  When going to court for the birth parent’s case there are lots of lawyers.  The birth parent has one (often a public defender), the state has one (the child is technically their ward), the child has one.   YOU…do not have one.  It can be frustrating, but the way to navigate is to maintain a good and cooperative relationship with your child’s representative and the one from the state.
  4. Your strength of character will be tested:  Your child in many cases will be in need of emotional healing.  Sometimes this plays out through bad behavior.  Your good intentions are foreign and even though healthy, may not be embraced immediately or in the way you hope and expect.  The process will demand patience and determination to get through.  The process also demands that you care enough for a child who may become your permanent adoptive child, but also that you are lovingly detached enough to let go if the birth parent is successful in completing their reunification requirements.   The system was designed to protect and be optimal for the child, which unfortunately may require super human qualities from the foster parent.
  5. You may have your heart broken:  There are cases where the birth parent is a good person who made mistakes, gets their act together and everyone, including you, is cheering at their success in getting their child back.  There are cases where the birth parent is so blatantly incapable of caring for the child that everyone knows that it is not a matter of if, but of when, that the child will be yours.  The hardest cases are the ones in the middle.  It is those where you have to give a child you have come to adore back to go into a situation with a parent that was successful in their requirements, but that you do not trust.  You have to let go, and hope for the best.

There are the potential risks. They are not universal, and as I said before, they can vary.  For some people, those reasons are enough to run.  For other people who recognize that they can do it, here are even greater reasons to “go for it”, starting from the lesser reason to the best one:

5.    There is no more economically reasonable way to start a family:   Your adoption comes to you without the charges of private adoption.  There is no surrogate to pay, there are no hospital costs.  If this is your only reason for adopting through foster care, you need to re-think your motivation, but as a starter, it is at least a small reward for what it took to get there.

4.  You will be doing probably the best thing you ever did in your life:    Looking for purpose?  A reason to feel good about yourself?  There is virtually none better than this.  While other parents are creating a life that would not be here,  you are saving a life that would have died without you.  You are taking a child who had no hope for a happy productive life and giving them a viable future.  There are very few accomplishments that you could hope to have that measure up to this one.

3. It will change who you are:   You will be somebody’s dad or mom.  You will be indelible.  Priceless.  Wait until they call you that name for the first time… then call me and tell me if I was wrong.

2. Love will have new meaning:  Before I had my kids, I romantically theorized about a man I would “die for”.  Once I had them, I knew truly and deeply what that kind of love really meant.  I truly was unaware that it was possible to love other human beings this completely with every ounce of my being.

And, most importantly:

  1. It will change your life forever:   Whoever you thought you were, whoever you think you will be… this adventure will change you into a better you.  You will not be a person, you will be a family.  Life won’t necessarily always be easy, but it promises to always be interesting, enriched and ultimately… worth it.

When I was considering this choice in my own life, I decided to make a “pros” and “cons” list.  I started with the “cons”.  Was I too old?  How would I afford college?  Terrible twos?  Teens with car keys?  The list went on.   Then I made the “pros” list.   I wrote the first one down:   “the look of my child’s eyes on Christmas morning”.    I stopped and looked at it.

I heard the noise of paper being tightly crumpled.  It was the “cons” list in my other hand.

Want to know more?  Check out your local agency, or see the Raise A Child Facebook page.  If you are in northern or southern California, or New York City, please check out the information events here.

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Posted in Family, Gay Christians, Living, Marriage equality, News, Politics, Prejudice, US Politics | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments

Then You Learn

Posted on November 16, 2012 by thomsense

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Posted in Good Signs, Living | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

The Ten Questions You Should Answer Before Entering into Same Sex Marriage

Posted on November 12, 2012 by robw77

ImageWe have turned a corner on the question of same sex marriage.  In this last year more states have extended basic civil rights to LGBT Americans, including California, thanks to a landmark SCOTUS decision, and the trend is not likely to stop.  That is very good news.

It is time, therefore for us to have a serious talk.  Because we as a community have made strides in regard to marriage, does not mean that you necessarily need to take similar actions in your personal life.  You do not need to run off to Maine with your wonderful boyfriend or girl friend in order to make a political statement.

For the same reason, that the anti-gay and hatred communities are wrong to hold marriage back as some symbolic gesture to marriage structures of the past, pro-gay people cannot rush into it as a new symbol of political gains of the present.  Getting married is not political; it is a very big deal on a personal level.

As my Republican mother ungraciously asked me, “Why do you write in favor of gay marriage so much when you blew your own?”  She is wrong.  Gay marriage IS right.  She is right that while I worked hard on mine, it did go wrong.

So here is my talk to all of you who are considering taking this step in your lives.  I share this as one who has been through it and from what I did not know at the time.  My ex-spouse and I grew with the marriage movement.  We registered as domestic partners when it meant practically nothing.  We married in San Francisco on Valentine’s day when Gavin Newsome briefly allowed it in a move of civil government disobedience.  We divorced when we were under the full weight of state marriage laws without the dignity of ever calling ourselves truly “married”.

To be fair, I thought we had discussed much of the important list that I am going to give you.  We had not.  Not by a long shot.  We should have.  If we had, we might actually be together today, or we may have been able to separate in a more amicable way.  In any case, I offer this to you from the vantage point of 20/20 hindsight.  Dream the dream of a happily forever after with your soul mate… but also make sure that you both are clear and agreed on the following questions.

  1.  Are you prepared for mutual financial responsibility?   Public debate on marriage equality has complicated the issue with a lot of things that are irrelevant in real people’s lives.  The financial factor is supremely relevant.  When you marry, you take responsibility for each other’s finances.  Are either of you prone to debt?  Is one a higher earner with more assets?   Make a plan on how all this will work and how you will each commit to it, and make it fair.
  2. How will you resolve conflict?  This is the big foundational one.  The issue is not whether or not you will disagree on something… it is when.  What are your rules for resolution?  Who will you both go to as a third party when you can’t find agreement?  It will make matters worse if that person is someone that one of you can’t stand or does not trust.  What are your rules for arguments?  “We will never go to bed mad.” Is a good example.  How can you each confess mistakes safely?
  3. What is your growing vision of your family?   You as a couple are the seed of a family.  The anti-gay and hatred communities refuse to believe this, but it is the truth.  You may not have children, or you may, but you will certainly have pets and there will be special people that you emotionally adopt.  With all these, you need a mutual vision.  Will you adopt?  Will you choose surrogacy?  Will you become fostercare/adopt parents?  The latter, which is how I became a parent, is a path with its own character challenging issues (actually there is no path without them), and you should be well versed, together, before venturing blindly into it.
  4. How will you parent?  Should you and your spouse decide to become parents, this is the most important aspect for you to explore.  When my spouse and I considered becoming fostercare parents, I solicited advice from a friend who had adopted a fostercare child with his wife.  He shared with me that the hardest thing was seeing the parent his spouse became and realizing that he could not parent that way.  They ultimately divorced, and so, ultimately, did we.  Figure this out up front with ways to adhere to it to be successful —your children will thank you for it.
  5. What are your priorities regarding extended family?  Marriage is the seed, the end of which is an entire family.  How far will yours go, and what are the terms?  If one part of your extended family is anti-gay, how will they be prioritized against your spouse and immediate family?  I have seen this elephant in the living room of several gay couples.  And the elephant eventually charges.  Cage it.
  6. What is the state of your intimacy and how will you protect it?  This question can be subtle and have different superficial representations that get focus, but end up not resolving the real issue.  This requires you as a couple deciding your on-going standard of physical, emotional and communication intimacy.  Preserve it. Cherish it.   It will be under siege not just by the hot third party person who lusts after one of you, but also by those cherished children who zap you of time, energy and attention.   The former is pretty obvious on how to handle, once temptation is dealt with, but the latter can be tough.  It is vital that you relationship be your “favorite child”,   nurtured and grown, otherwise, your other children will ultimately pay the price.
  7. What is your spiritual plan for your family?  Yeah, the God stuff.  It is not important that you both agree on this, but if you have kids, a common foundation from which for them to grow is important.  This also gives an important touch point if you run into problems elsewhere. It is good to have a set of mutually agreed upon spiritual principles on which to reflect when you are feeling in trouble.
  8. How will you mutually nurture your careers and avocations?  Dreams can be complex things.  How will you nurture the dreams of each other as life throws “chance of a lifetime opportunities”?  Have a plan, a fair one.
  9. What is your mutual loyalty agreement?  This feeds many other areas on this list, but it is broken out here to recommend a conscious, discussed and understood agreement.   At what point is a flirt gone too far?  What porn or erotica involvement has crossed the line?  What friend confidences are too much, and how will the keeping of secrets FOR others be handled?  Decide these upfront, but also acknowledge that no one is perfect and mistakes will be made.  An agreement to pre-forgive would also be helpful.
  10. What are the terms for the end of your relationship?   I realize this has the romantic appeal of a fart during an intimate good night kiss, but, it needs to be understood up front.  The fact is, barring a meteor hitting your car as you are both driving out of the Senior Center many decades from now,  your marriage will end with one of you leaving either through death or divorce.  Each scenario needs a plan, and it is far, far better that those awful details be decided when heads are clear and caring rather than grieving, angry or potentially bitter.   One of the sad realities of the divorce system is that it only works remotely well when the divorcing parties can cooperate, communicate and come to agreement with as little friction as possible.  Since they are usually in a mindset that is the antithesis of everything that would create that scenario, having a plan up front is the best way to get there.

M. Scott Peck said that “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”   That is the basis for this list.  It is not the most warm fuzzy article you have read on the subject of same sex marriage, but I feel like it may be one of the most important as you work towards you ultimate happiness which is what I dearly and fondly wish for you.  Fight for your rights, demand the choice to marry the love of you life, and when that happens… make it right.  Opposite sex married couples are only at the 50% success mark.  Let’s do it better.

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Posted in Civil Rights, Family, Living, Marriage equality, Politics, Prejudice, Religion, US Politics | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

The Eight Reasons Why November 6th 2012 Was the Most Significant Day in the History of LGBT Rights Since Stonewall

Posted on November 7, 2012 by robw77

ImageEarly in the morning of June 28, 1969, an event took place in New York City that transformed, no, actually gave birth to, the LGBT civil rights movement.  Police raided the Stonewall Inn, as had been their habit to do, and the LGBT patronage decided that they had enough.  They fought back.  They threw trash cans and boards and stones.  Whether or not they beat the arrests of that day, they firmly stood their ground and said, “No more.  We have a right to be here.”

Late in the evening of November 6th 2012, a similar stance was taken.  This time, it was not done by throwing trash cans and overturning police cars.  It was done by overturning decades old misconceptions and assumptions.  It was done by showing up tenaciously, even though we had shown up before and lost.

In any war, there is a starter event, one in which a few select representatives of a repressed minority fights back, often with a show of violent civil disobedience.  That event lets the world know that it is now at war and the fight will continue until justice, or complete suppression, prevails.  For the LGBT community, that was Stonewall.

Then, there comes the most significant turning point event in the struggle.  It is the big battle where a winner-takes-all atmosphere hangs over the precursor of the event as a warning and a promise.  It is an event where every interested party shows up, knowing that only one side will really walk away.  It is Gettysburg.  For the LGBT community, this last Tuesday, November 6th, 2012 was our Gettysburg.  (If you think that not to be an apt analogy, check out this comparison map of the Civil War factions and today’s electoral factions.)   And we were the ones who got to walk away with the situation altered….forever.

We all knew it would be that way.  The threat the Republican Party and its anointed one, Mitt Romney, had given was clear.  If they won, they intended to roll back all our civil right gains, and probably attack ones we had not even lost in the first place.  We were angry, we asked to be defriended by those who did not respect our lives, and we declared we were not going to take it anymore.  We were ready for the fight.

Now that the smoke has cleared, I would like to offer the argument that this was more than just a “great election for LGBT people”.  This was a game changer.  The game changer.  We will never return to the level of indignity that we did before, even as we roll with the momentum to resolve the still existent inequities that plague our lives, and the lives of those like us.

The fight is not over, in fact, some of the fight may get worse before it gets better.  The anti-gay fringe will get noisier and more dangerous because the core of the anti-gay sentiment has been depleted of rationale.  The fringe has never let a small thing like rationale be an issue to stop them.

Here are the eight reasons this was the most significant event for us, and the opportunities we have as a result:

  1. The core of the LGBT Community has been transformed  We have been long supported by constituent interests groups like the Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD and others.  This election season, a new and more grass roots foundation to our community has emerged thanks to blogs and Facebook.  Our voice now goes viral and is interactive, and spreads into groups where we now have emerging allies.  We are not alone anymore.  And our allies vote.
  2. National Organization for Marriage is through.  The organization may not be gone, but never have evil spokespeople been silenced so effectively since Dorothy dropped a house on one on her landing in the land of OZ.  Gallagher and Brown can no longer effectively claim that popular opinion or state populations have “spoken”.  It is time to re-tool, and lets face it, they are out of arguments.
  3. DOMA will continue its path to non existence.  This election shores up a more friendly judiciary for years to come, and that is where DOMA will play out.  The Obama administration has also pledged to no longer defend it, and the House Republicans should follow suit, if they have any sense of preservation.  (Which arguably, they don’t.  Either way, the ultimate result will be the same.)
  4. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is gone forever.  It was unthinkable that Romney really would bring this back, but the threat was there, and his base was pushing for it.  Ding Dong, the witch is dead. (OK, end of OZ analogies, I promise…)  If ever a DADT proponent comes to power again, this will be so long gone that it will be a complete non-starter.
  5. There will never be a Federal Amendment Restricting Marriage.  Had the election gone the other way, the tough road to an FMA might have been possible—there certainly were 2/3 worth of states who had essentially passed their own Constitutional amendments—so a Federal one was not a stretch.  With a roster of three more pro-marriage states, a constitutional amendment rejecting state, and a host of civil union/marriage equality states, the path to FMA has all but evaporated.  It will never leave the drawing table.
  6. There will be a new and gayer Republican Party.  The Log Cabin Republicans, the bastard stepchildren of pretty much everyone, have the best opportunity of their existence.  They were the unsung heroes in the downfall of DADT with their lawsuit, and they also were the voice of reason campaigning for a reasonable Republican Party Platform.  There needs to be a new Republican Party for it to survive.  The LCR can show up with the biggest “We Told You So” sign ever and work to transform the untransformable.  This would be one of the hugest contributions to the health of the LGBT community.  There is no reason we should be held captive to one party exclusively.  We should be able to trust our civil rights are respected AND choose our individual thoughts  on other issues.  So, go for it LCR, while GOProud is out doormatting for Ann Coulter, there is a Queer Eye for the Straight Party in need.
  7. LGBT issues have gone from wedge to advantage.  For years, even our best political allies pussy footed around when the going got tough.  The theory was to help them survive first, and then they would help us when they could, often avoiding actually talking about us at all.  It was such “help” from our “friends” that got us DADT and DOMA to begin with.  No more.  We are being credited as being a factor in Obama’s success.  Nobody is calling us “Baby” and putting us in a corner.
  8. Marriage momentum will continue  The conversation has started for other states, even if the legislation plan hasn’t.  Facebook has growing sites for Gay marriage USA, Oregon, Illinois, Ohio, the Midwest and others.  When DOMA fails, same sex married couples can move into non-marriage states and still have 2/3 coverage from their federal protections.  Marriage Equality has left the closet…and we just crossed the summit.  It is downhill, in a good way, from here…

I had to quit blogging last week.  I could not think of a thing to say because I could not guess what life would be like just a week later.  I knew the LGBT world on Wednesday would be a new one…. Either a better one, or a disastrous one..

I am glad we are the ones who can look over our shoulders and see the smoke of Gettysburg behind us.

The road ahead is not going to be easy… and often after a gay rights win, there is backlash, which means more irrational hate, gay bashing and bullying.  Protect yourself and the vulnerable.  No, the road ahead will not be easy.  But it’s ours.

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Posted in Civil Rights, Hatred, Marriage equality, News, Politics, Prejudice, US Politics | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

4 Reasons Why Pro-Choice Policies Save More Babies Than Pro-Life

Posted on November 5, 2012 by thomsense

Surprised? So was I when I found all this stuff out. Take a look at how and why this is true:

4. The legality and availability of abortion does not change abortion rates. According to international data, South America and Africa both have abortion rates near the international average, despite harsh laws against it throughout most of both continents. What does change with illegality, is the deadly dangerousness of the procedure. Death due to complications of abortion account for about 13% of all deaths during pregnancy and childbirth, and almost all of those happen in countries where the procedure is illegal. Making abortion illegal doesn’t save any babies, it just kills women.

3. Abortion rates DO change when effective contraception is cheaply and widely available. Abortion in Europe is generally and broadly available, but the western half actually has the lowest abortion rates in the world, 12 per 1,000 child-bearing-age women, while the eastern half has the highest rates in the world, 43 per 1,000. The difference? The Pill! Something the pro-life side is mostly, adamantly against.

2. Why would pro-life be anti-Pill? Women on The Pill kill fewer zygotes than women who are trying to get pregnant! A woman’s body flushes out fertilized eggs about 17% of the time off The Pill, and 100% of the time on it. However, since women on The Pill release about seventy times fewer eggs (about 1.5%) than women off The Pill, the numbers actually favor The Pill as the zygote-saving alternative. There is even an increasing pile of evidence that suggests the morning-after pill may not ever actually flush fertilized eggs out after all, as they currently have to warn you on the box. Pro-lifers have no good reason for their stand against The Pill, or even the morning-after pill, if their primary concern is saving the unborn!

1. Policies that make being a parent easier drive down abortion rates. 75% of women getting abortion cite inability to afford the child amongst their reasons for doing it. Another answer that was equally popular, was being unable to work, go to school, or care for a dependent. Yet in the current pro-life=conservative, pro-choice=liberal paradigm, pro-life, conservative politicians are on record in the statehouses and the U.S. Congress again and again, REMOVING money for programs that aid low-income pregnant women, making their babies less affordable to have. The way to reduce abortions is to give women support during their pregnancies and childcare after. And you’ll only find those policies supported on the pro-choice/liberal side of politics.

If you are truly pro-life because you want to save the unborn, you should probably switch your allegiances to pro-choice, the side that is TRULY for Life: before, during, and, in biggest contrast with the other side, AFTER pregnancy. The primary interest of the pro-life movement seems to be punishing women for ever spreading their legs in the first place. Disturbingly, even in cases of rape, recently.

All information for this list (and many of the links) was culled from a much longer article called “How I Lost Faith In The “Pro-Life” Movement”,  by Libby Anne. If you liked anything I had to say here, you should go to the real deal and thank her! If you find any problems, that’s probably my fault.

(edit: 12/1/12) For some real-world proof that effective contraception decreases abortion, see this article about abortion incidence in the U.S.

.           .           .           .           .

Bonus Mini-Article: Some Thoughts About Murder

I don’t think any pro-choice person is truly pro-abortion. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m pro-choice even though I personally think in at least some cases abortion is murder (not that my thoughts are all that important since as a man and a gay one at that I am doubly removed from ever having to be part of that decision). A lot of people want to say “abortion is murder”, as if that made it black-and-white, and settled the matter. Not me, because murder isn’t exactly ‘murder’ either! There is premeditated murder, second degree murder, vehicular homicide, murder in self defense, all kinds of different forms of murder! What if we gave the death penalty for anyone who murdered another, EVEN IN SELF DEFENSE? When “abortion=murder” is proclaimed, it does NOT make things black-and-white, it becomes enormously complex. You have to consider the moral relevance of every abortion scenario: from the many, different, severe and lethal birth defects possible, to certain cultures where there is honor-killing.

Murder isn’t always Murder One. Sometimes it’s in self defense. Sometimes it was a freak accident. We don’t give the death penalty or even life without parole (my preference) for all murder because there would be no justice in it. As far as I can see, that is the huge flaw in the abortion=murder, black-and-white position of most pro-lifers. Without examining cases, and finding the complexities and subtleties of every abortion scenario, they can never achieve true justice in their judgement. So I just don’t.

For a pro-choice analysis of the Bible, I invite you to take a look at this article. While the linked article did not form any content of the one you’re reading, it is a good read on its own, especially if you are Christian, or if you know any. And follow one or two of its links too!

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Posted in Uncategorized | 31 Comments

A Gay Family in a Small Town in Kansas

Posted on November 4, 2012 by robw77

ImageGuest Blog by  Wendylynn and Stephan

Note from Rob Watson at evoL= :   This is a guest blog by Wendy Lynn and her son Stephan.  They are heroes of mine.  We all are fighting a battle for equality, family and true American values. I have the comfort of fighting from a blue state, and from a county in which 99% (that is an actual figure, not hyperbole) voted for Marriage Equality.  Wendy and Stephan are not from such a place and instead are the faces of “a gay family” to many who do not wish gay families to exist at all.  Here is their story….

”My mom is gay, so what! What makes me, as a senior in high school, any different than you? We both have a family. Mine just happens to consist of a gay mom and her partner. ” says Stephan.

Let’s back up a moment here…Allow me to paint a picture of our reality for you. Too often, we hear/read stories of teens with gay parents, living in the big city. What about small-town Kansas? Red-state Kansas. The bible belt and sadly, the ‘home’ of Westboro Baptist Church. You know, our ”friends” that blame hurricanes on gays, picket Military funerals and spread hate. Ya, them. Small-town Kansas, geographically, the heart of America.

This is our life. I’m Wendylynn, and my son is 18 year old Stephan. Our small town is less than 2,000 in population. We have zero fastfood and not a single traffic light. Our post office is open part time. The grocery store closes early on Sunday evenings. The bank is only open til 3pm. That’s small-town.
Everyone knows everyone, or so they claim.

My partner and I are the only openly gay couple here. She grew up here, she is a manager at a local business. Loved and adored by many, and loathed by many more. We represent the ”gays” by elders, life-long residents. We own our home, pay our taxes, bills, have raised two sons (the older now residing elsewhere and being successful) etc. But we’re gay.

Stephan is a popular young man, excels in school, is in the process of enlisting to the U.S. Army after graduation, plays sports etc. All-around good kid. He is handsome, charming, smart, intelligent, witty-and the son of the only gay family in town. He’s talked about, a lot. For no fault of his own. Other parents, upon meeting him, think he’s great! Until he’s asked who his parents are. He’s judged because of my partner and myself. He handles it well, usually. Other times he’s angry. Rightfully so.

When you look at my son, and think ”omg, I don’t want my kid hanging out with stephan because his parents are gay!” You are short-changing yourself and your kid. Stephan stands up for kids. He’s active in ”teens for tolerance” and is very much against any form of bullying. He confronts issues with words, not actions. He does not care about one’s sex and orientation, he cares about victims of bullying, teens contemplating violence and suicide. He has taken clothing/shoes he’s outgrown and given them to less fortunate. He plays basketball with kids that have no friends. He was raised with tolerance. Does he have a temper? Of course he does! What teen doesn’t?

We’re really no different than other families. We talk about politics, religion, school days, classes, girls, safe-sex, his dreams of becoming a sniper and bullying. I founded a website for Equality and to fight bullying, he is also an admin of this website. By his choice. He stands for Equality, yet is straight as can be. He has dreams of both the Military/College and one day having a family of his own. When you ask him his thoughts about gay marriage, this is what he says:  ”I’m straight, and while I do not personally understand being gay, it’s not my place to judge who you love. It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re being true to you and being a good person. My mom is gay, why should she be prevented from loving someone to the full extent of the law than anyone else?”

Over the past 5 years of living in this town, I’ve been shunned for cheering Stephan on while he played high school football, stared at during his forensics tournaments, judged because I’m the gay mom. I spent some time helping the cheerleaders with car washes- endured snickers from parents….”she’s a lesbian and working with the girls” mentality. Really folks?! Lesbian does NOT equate to pedophilia.

But…. this town has changed. Stephan is now widely accepted by many, as am I. We now have names, identities. We are very rarely the ”gay family”, we’re people now. Our point?  If small-town, bible-belt Kansas can evolve to look beyond the ‘gay’ and accept us, as people, individuals, a family- can’t you? We believe you can. We have faith. Stop judging. Stop inflicting your beliefs on others. If small-town Kansas can evolve, so can America.

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Posted in Civil Rights, Family, Hatred, Living, Marriage equality, Prejudice | Tagged , , , | 11 Comments

An Important Contrast on the Men Who Would Command

Posted on November 3, 2012 by robw77

Please share this. This is the contrast of the two men who would be our next President, as put together by Steve Snyder-Hill, the gay soldier who was publicly booed by Republicans. While that event was horrible, it gave a platform to the two men who would lead. Watch the difference.  Thanks to Steve Snyder-Hill, who experienced this, and shared the video.

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Posted in Civil Rights, Politics, US Politics | Leave a comment

Don’t Let Romney Shake the Etch-a-sketch Next Tuesday

Posted on November 2, 2012 by robw77

ImageWhen I was a child, the etch-a-sketch was one of my favorite toys.  Framed in red,  it had an impressive screen where one could draw all sorts of fanciful things with the two left and right knobs at the bottom of the unit.  If, after a while of constructing a God-awful mess, shake, shake, shake… and the whole thing was gone.  Forgotten,  As if it did not exist.

The Republican campaign this year was a human compassion horror show.  From the war on women , to immigration, to amnesia that we have troops around the world in harms way, to the war on LGBT families… Republican callousness has trampled the American people for a year and a half.  As I said in another blog piece, the Republican “ gay attack in particular includes (but is not limited to) heinous bullying by Rick Santorum,the ex-gay therapy practices of Michelle Bachmann’s husband, cocky anti-gay ads by Rick Perry,Mitt Romney’s attack on the children of gay families, the completely unforgivable silence of the whole dais of Republican presidential candidates when gay soldier Steve Snyder-Hill was booed by an audience of Republicans and the gay-civil-rights-attacking Republican Party Platform.”

The benefactor of this attack and chief proponent rising out of the steam was….. Mitt Romney.  During it all, he was not a blithe bystander… from his financing of the anti-gay Propostion 8 campaign in California, to signing a pledge to make same sex marriage forbidden by the US Constitution, to his cavalier disregard to gay veterans from both Viet Nam and Afghanistan,  Mitt Romney made it clear that gay Americans were not worthy of simple decency.

Romney’s utter disregard has not been hidden, nor have any around him feared that saner heads than the rabid Tea Party base might have an issue with it.  As his communication director, Eric Fehrnstrom put it,  “Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch-A-Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all of over again.”

Romney could say moronic and evil things… and people would just…forget.

So hear we are… at the end of the campaign and we are on the brink of finding out whether Fehrnstrom’s assessment is correct.  Do reasonable people just forget?   Do they believe Romney when he claims that he is for 100% of us?

At the Republican convention, in her speech, Ann Romeny said, “ Tonight I want to talk to you about love… the single dad who’s working extra hours tonight, so that his kids can buy some new clothes to go back to school, can take a school trip or play a sport, so his kids can feel… like the other kids.”

I am a single dad.  But…. I am gay.   I KNOW that Ann Romney was not talking about me.   I know that she does not care about MY kids, and that they have greater needs than new clothes.  I KNOW that she and her husband do not care what kind of family stability, or protections my kids, and kids in families like ours could have, but that the Romneys will fight from allowing.

To the Romneys, gay families are nuisances that they want to shake, shake, shake away.  Part of the screen that can become clear and non-existant, so that they can pretend that they “care” about the America  they see….100%.

They want to etch-a-sketch my family, our gay heroes, our community… away.

That’s OK.  Next Tuesday, I want to do the same to them.  Please help me.  Shake, shake, shake…etch a sketch.  With all your might.

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Posted in Civil Rights, Family, Living, Marriage equality, Politics, Prejudice, US Politics | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments