A Gay Dad Sounds Off on the Anti-Gay Official’s Fear: Standardized Tests Will Make Kids “as Homosexual as They Possibly Can”

Posted on May 22, 2014 by robw77

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I believe in the coming years scientists will find that homophobia, when it hits the brain, becomes a degenerative disorder that destroys all logic centers and renders its victim common-senseless.

The most recent recipient of my theoretical malady, is representative Charles Van Zant of Florida.   A video of Mr. Van Zant came out this week in which the legislator attacked an organization named the American Institute for Research (AIR).

The organization had just been granted the contract to develop the standardized testing and administration for the state of Florida’s school system.  In the video, Mr. Van Zant makes an outrageous claim, ““These people, that will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida unless this is stopped, will promote double-mindedness in state education and attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can. I’m sorry to report that to you.”

As a gay parent, this caught my attention on two levels.  The first was dealing with the obvious bias that somehow any individual being “as homosexual as they possibly can” would be a bad thing.  It wouldn’t even make it a thing at all. Being “as homosexual as they possibly can” would only make that person gay if they already happened to be gay. It would be the same as me being “as blue-eyed as I possibly can”, which is… not much.

The second level was a more profound revelation to me as a parent:  that standardized tests could influence children in any way to alter or even expand their personalities.  Now, I admit, I did not grow up in an over standardized tested generation. Of the ones that I did take, I did not find the process of taking them to be particularly life impacting.

The one that got closest to even the subject of homosexuality was an employment personality test I took when applying for a job.  It was meant to signal any idiosyncrasies that I might have.  I remember gagging over the question “Do you have a desire to be a florist.”, an obvious attempt to ride a popular stereotype into identifying me as gay.  I honestly answered “no”, and flew on, undetected by the corporate homophobic radar.

But, no, Mr. Van Zant, even that question did not make me “more gay”.

Thanks to Mr. Van Zant’s suggestion in the video, I did indeed check out the American Institute for Research website.  If they were actually changing kids dispositions, I wanted to know how.

I have no desire to make my kids be “as homosexual as they possibly can” but I thought I might find influencers to make them “as prone to clean their room as they possibly can” or “as likely to remember to feed they dog as they possibly can”.  You know, useful stuff.

The first thing that I found was that the offense that the American Institute for Research had committed was not as obvious as was claimed.  At first perusal I could not find a single thing that even hinted at LGBT issues and being “two spirit”.  Had they buried the goods from the top level of their website?

Finally, I hit pay dirt.  In January 2014, the American Institute for Research had released a guide called A Guide for Understanding, Supporting, and Affirming LGBTQI2-S Children, Youth, and Families.    2-S refers to the “inclusive term created specifically by and for Native American communities. It refers to American Indian/Alaskan Native American people who (a) express their gender, sexual orientation, and/or sex/gender roles in indigenous, non-Western ways, using tribal terms and concepts, and/or (b) define themselves as LGBTQI in a native context.”

After I read the guide, the facts of the Van Zant rant became apparent to me.  First, that the job for which Florida had hired the American Institute for Research had nothing to do with tying the guide to standardized tests.  Second, much to my chagrin, hopes of subliminally altering my kids while they are mind-numbed by a standardized test have been squashed.  Third, Mr. Van Zant was actually attacking a project that was meant to save student lives from bullying and suicide.

As I see it, this casts Mr. Van Zant into several possible characterizations.  He is either dishonest and attacking the institute over another project they did that he didn’t like, even though he knows that it has nothing to do with the current contract, or he is suffering from the degenerative homophobic brain malady I described before.  These choices would make him a.) a bully, b.) a liar or c. ) crazy.

If that was the question before me on a standardized test, I would select the forth option:  All of the above.

 

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Posted in Equality, Family, Politics, Prejudice | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Congratulations Oregon

Posted on May 20, 2014 by Ono Kono

Oregon Equality For AllYou have now entered the equal zone! I am proud to know that the place of my birth is now giving same sex couples the rights we all enjoy.

More work needs to be done, but for now we celebrate one more state entering the ranks of understanding that recognizing equality for all, guarantees equality for you and me.

Living on the west coast and loving the freedoms we share!

Posted in Civil Rights, Equality, Good Signs, Marriage equality, News | Tagged | 4 Comments

A Gay Dad’s Letter to the Anti-Gay, Mother’s Day Slushie Victim

Posted on May 14, 2014 by robw77

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Thanks to the television show Glee, the slushie has been elevated from an overly sugary refreshment to an act of public humiliation.  Not since a cream pie hit the face of Anita Bryant, has a caloric treat wielded such stature.

Previously, the slushie had been confined to fictional encounters.  It has now entered our reality.  On Mother’s Day 2014, a young woman named Jessica Prince became so irate that she felt compelled to throw a red slushie at an anti-gay protestor.  You might call it, The Slushie Heard Around the World.  The slushie  actually only grazed the woman, but splashed her enough that those who repeated the tale use the term “doused”.

The protestor, Christine Weick, instantly brandished pepper spray. Jessica Prince flipped her off from a safe distance.   The stand off dissipated, but news of it had only just begun.

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Christine at a prior protest wearing slushie-proof gear

Conservatives like blogger Dan Calabrese decided that the slushie  toss was not the reaction of a lone pissed off young woman, but an orchestrated effort by all of “the secular left”.   The “secular left”. he says. “clearly believes it has the upper hand in the cultural debate, and it has absolutely no intention of tolerating dissent. Not only that, but it views those who challenge its orthodoxy as basically sub-human, to the point where an action like this one is justified in their minds.”

Mass left-wing conspiracy theories not withstanding, as a gay dad, I would tell Ms. Prince the same thing I have to remind my son Jesse when he gets angry at school, and acts out.  It usually goes something like this: 

“OK Pal, so who was first in the wrong?”   “They were.”  “What did you do about it?”  “I threw something at them.”  “Was that a good idea?  Whose action was worse, and who got in trouble?”  “No, my action was worse, and I got in trouble.”   “Not a great choice then, was it, huh?”  “No.”

So—quick note to Ms. Prince.  Let’s re-think the slushie and remember that it is the tool of the BULLIES on Glee, not the good guys.

In such incidents at school, Jesse is charged with resolving the situation.  That often includes composing a letter to the person he harmed, and taking responsibility for his actions.  It can, ideally, be a tool to make amends.  Ms. Prince seems a capable young woman and I do not mean to detract from her own restitution, but since people like Mr. Calabrese have swept all of us who witnessed the event into his broad brush of blame, I figured I would chime in:

Dear Ms. Weick,

I am sorry you experienced a sense of humiliation standing on that Michigan street corner this past Mother’s Day.  Having something wet, cold and sticky with shards of sharp ice tossed your way could not have been pleasant.  I am truly regretful for that part of your experience.

The anger behind the toss, however, was deserved.  Let’s face it, you are in the business to inflame, if not enrage.  Beyond the issue of marriage equality, you have sought to create a series of controversies through your exercise of free speech.

Your former past as an ex-witch still appears to help mold your current persona as an author interpreting and messaging the biblical book of Revelations.   Like many others, you have taken it upon yourself to declare various signs of the “end times” to tittilate anyone who will listen to you.  Those that you have cast as perpetrators in the “end of days” scenario include the Occupy Wallstreeters to Obamacare.  Worse, you bought a billboard to declare through direct implication that the Anti-Christ is none other than Pope Francis . 

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Christine’s billboard regarding her theory about the pope

Publicly saying cruel things to people you don’t know is not a new behavior for you.   

Please be aware, bullies with an agenda are still bullies.

Which leads me to your Mother’s Day sign.  You stated “THANK YOUR MOM TODAY FOR NOT BEING GAY”. Mr. Calabrese was able to explain the supposed logic it tried to convey.  He stated, “All gay sex would mean the end of the human race. Seems pertinent to the day.”

I would be happy to relieve both your and Mr. Calabrese’s concerns in this matter. While I am loathed to speak on behalf of all LGBT people, I am going to go out on a limb and do so in this case:  We don’t want you, or Mr. Calabrese to have gay sex. 

We do not want any heterosexual who wants to procreate to have gay sex.  We do not want people in opposite sex marriages to leave those arrangements and get same sex partners.  Keep your private parts doing what they are currently doing.  We do not want all sex that is had …to be gay.  It can be mostly heterosexual sex.  That is A-OK by us.

We want dignity and respect for our marriages, our loves and our own lives –period. (Guess what, many of us were not going to have heterosex anyway.)   

So, please, feel better in knowing that by allowing us to live our lives, a threat to the state of heterosexual domination simply will not happen.  I think you can take further solace in the fact that if Pope Francis is, to your theory, the Anti-Christ, he will certainly take over the world faster than we gay people could hypnotize borderline heterosexuals over to our camp .  So, even if that was our agenda, which it is not, your end-times theory would be your trump card.  You would still win.  So…please,  leave us alone.

Leaving us alone is the point.  As I said, I am sorry that you had to suffer the indignity of a slushie, but you set out to create harm, and that causes reactions.  You were being a bully.

The person who best spoke to the harm you were causing was the lady in the car who called out  “I am gay, and I have children.”  She, and families like hers, like mine, were the ones at whom you threw your verbal  slushie .  Your sign told our children their parents were inferior and they should be ashamed to have us.

Whether you believe that we are sub par as parents or not, the fact you put that statement in the face of our children is unbelievably cruel, or as the gay mother told you, “Sick.”

There is upside in this for you as an attention hound. If it weren’t for Ms. Prince, you would not be getting notoriety.  You prayed for an event like this.  That slushie was your friend. As they say however, be careful what you pray for, you may get it.

The notoriety you have gained will increase the visibility on the public questions you have raised.  Who exactly is, or will be, the “Anit-Christ”?  Is it truly the pope as you have speculated?  Or is it a person or people even more destructive to children of faith?  That person, I think, would be the person who drives the children of earth away from Christ in droves.  That person would make   just the mention of Jesus’s name a source of revulsion rather than attraction. 

I believe we all met that person on the street corner in Michigan. 

Tonight, when you go home, go to the bathroom and look in the mirror.  The face of the accomplished anti-Christ will be staring back at you, unmasked.  That person is you.

 

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Posted in Prejudice | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Dispelling the Myth About the “Gay Gene”

Posted on May 13, 2014 by guestposting600

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Guest Blog by Joni Bosch

Many times I have heard people dismiss the idea that sexual orientation is not a choice by saying “there is no gay gene.”   Well, not so fast, since there is probably no straight gene either. The statement itself actually displays a serious lack of understanding of genetics.

I currently work in the genetics clinic doing follow up care for patients with known genetic diagnoses. I am not a geneticist nor am I a genetic counselor. But I would like to try to explain a little of the complexity of genetics. I hope that understanding a little more about the complexity of it all might help when dealing with people who think they have a trump card in their “no gay gene” declaration.

You probably remember something about Gregor Mendel and his peas. He helped clarify one type of inheritance—recessive and dominant. If you inherit a dominant trait from one or both parents, you will express that dominant trait—Type A blood, for example. To express a recessive trait you have to get the recessive gene from both parents, type O blood, for example. A parent might have two A genes or one A gene and one O gene. What each child is likely to be is related to whether the parent has one or two A genes. This is probably the most obvious type of inheritance.

The problem is that most of life just is not that simple. There appear to be around 150 genes associated with height. If you have “Tall” genes but are malnourished as a child, those “Tall” genes probably won’t do you much good. So we know that more than one gene can influence aspects of who we are, and that genes interact with our environment.

Epigenetics looks at how our life experience (including prenatal life) can affect our genes without actually changing our DNA. I used to think my DNA was like a hallway with my genes behind doors that were all open and usable. However, some of our DNA “doors” are locked after we reach certain developmental stages and that DNA is no longer needed, for instance, some types of hemoglobin that we only need as babies in our mothers’ wombs. Some of those doors have to be open all the time in order for cells to do their work. Still others of those doors can be opened or shut, locked or unlocked, by exposures in our environments. Too much or too little food may open or shut genetic doors that can affect the developing baby and even that baby’s own children some day, in terms of problems like obesity and diabetes.

In fact, there are relatively few genes in which a variation or mutation always causes a specific trait or problem. The genes for breast cancer and early onset Alzheimer’s disease seems to cause problems for about 80% of the carriers, while the other 20% do OK. Penetration is the term used to describe whether a person with a known genetic variant actually shows signs of having that phenotype or problem. Expressivity is another genetic idea.

Pretend there are Hairy genes and Hairless genes. Penetration will determine how likely it is that a person will be Hairy as opposed to Hairless if they have the Hairy gene. If the Hairy gene is fully penetrant, everybody with the Hairy gene will be Hairy. If it is not fully penetrant, some people with the Hairy gene might not be Hairy at all. They might look Hairless but have Hairy children. Expressivity tells us whether those who have the Hairy gene will be very hairy all over, or hairy in spots, or have just a little Hairiness. So having a gene for something does not tell us for certain just exactly how having it will affect us.

A more real example is Neurofibromatosis or NF. A parent might have NF but only have some freckles in their armpits and some café au lait spots on their skin. However, they could have a child with an optic tumor and a lot of neurofibromas. Imprinting is another interesting part of genetics.

Some genes work only if they came from the mom or only if they came from the dad. If you can only use Dad’s gene and it has a problem, you can’t use Mom’s gene even if it is perfectly good. Prader Willi syndrome and Angelman syndrome are examples of genetic conditions that are caused by problems with imprinted genes.

It is also becoming clear that our biome, all the germs and other critters that live in and on our bodies (and who outnumber us) also play a role in how our bodies work—and they have genes of their own. Even if we can identify a gene that causes a problem or trait, identifying everything that might turn it on or off can be a problem. Some regulatory functions of a gene may be way up or down the chromosome from the gene itself. So knowing that a gene is present and that all the DNA is in the right order does not guarantee there is no imprinting problem or other regulatory problem further away.

So, does sexual orientation have a genetic basis, and how would we know? The answer is yes, sexual orientation, both gay and straight, does seem to have a genetic basis, although at this time there is no gay or straight gene that guarantees that its owner will be one or the other. Further complicating that picture is that whatever is going on may not work the same in males and females. We have been able to identify some physiological markers, but we are probably dealing with a combination of susceptibility genes interacting with environmental influences.

When I say “susceptibility gene”, think “genetics loads the gun but environment pulls the trigger.” A susceptibility gene seems to increase the chance that a trait will be expressed that is different than the typical trait associated with that gene. This gets really complex. For instance, there are a lot of genes that appear to be susceptibility genes for autism spectrum disorder. There are also a lot of things that are not genetic that seem to correlate with autism spectrum disorder, such as maternal stress during pregnancy, parental age and father being an engineer. Another example of complexity is an eye disease which requires mutations to have occurred on two entirely different chromosomes to have the disease. Again, you see how complex it can be to try to figure out the “cause” of anything.

At this time it seems most likely that some people are more susceptible to alterations in prenatal sex hormones, especially testosterone, than others. Our genes interacting with our prenatal environment leads us to have brains and bodies that are sexually dimorphic—that is typically developing male and female brains and bodies show differences both in structure and in how they work

Research studies looking at physiological differences between those who are gay and those who are straight generally find that gay men have differences that pull them closer to straight women and that gay women have differences that pull them closer to straight men. (And as I type this, I realize that society seems to put a premium on straight men but that is a different story.)

There is also some evidence that men with several older brothers are more likely to be gay. It has been proposed that a mother may have some type of immune reaction to male hormones, but at this time there is no proof of this. On the one hand, we are all a combination of our genes interacting with our environment and our lived experiences.

In my opinion, there is plenty of evidence indicating that sexual orientation is not a choice, or at least that there are significant genetic and biological influences tilting us one way or the other.

Of course, any one of us could enact the most telling test of all..  Ask a gay person if they chose to be gay or whether it was instinctual.  I know I never made a choice to be straight.

More to the point, who cares? It seems that debating whether or not sexual orientation is innate or chosen is rather like debating whether blue eyes or red hair is bad simply because they are not typical of the majority of the human population. After all blue eyed people could simply wear brown colored contacts in order to fit in and red heads could dye their hair. Atypical should not be viewed as bad. The whole point of genetics and sexual reproduction is variability. Variability gives us strength and helps us survive as a species. It is something we should celebrate and cherish.  

 

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Posted in Prejudice | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Gay Son Change? You Change!

Posted on May 13, 2014 by Ono Kono

I will let this speak for itself.

The next time someone suggests a gay person must change and become heterosexual, here’s the proper response.

Click on the image to make larger for an easier read.

 

Parent thinks gay son should change.

Posted in Family, Prejudice, Religion | Tagged , , , , , | 41 Comments

A Gay Dad’s Open Letter to the “Christian” Man Who Would be America’s First Presidential Monarch

Posted on May 5, 2014 by robw77

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Darrell Trigg, author of Developing a More Effective Prayer Life:A Practical Approach, has declared his intentions to run for President of the United States of America.  He will run as an independent, but in the future will create the Christian Political Party.  If you haven’t heard of him or his intentions, don’t feel bad.  In terms of his real objective and vision, he is not actually running for President.

He really wants to be our King.

The monarchs of old saw their leadership ordained by God, their authority blessed and their decrees sacrosanct and immediately actionable.  Mr. Trigg’s view of himself coincides, as he states, “He has revealed Himself to me spiritually, and in physical ways such as I have no doubt  that this is his calling for me,”  and “I have no doubt that Christ has revealed Himself to me, to be the next President of the United States of America…  I know that it is His will for me to be the next President of the United States of America.”  (We will ignore the fact that numerous of the Republican candidates for President in the 2012 election declared themselves similarly divinely pre-destined.  None of them, of course, won.)

The intriguing question about Mr. Trigg being President is not whether or not he would win (OK, that is a little bit of a question), it is whether he could actually do any of the things he intends within the role of President.  Unfortunately, for those who believe in all he stands for, he could not.  In order to succeed in his agenda, he would have to nullify state rights, disband Congress’s legislative ability, close down the judicial system, build a million more prisons, take over all school curriculums, and confiscate the media and all telecom providers.  Oh yeah, and throw out the Constitution and Bill of Rights.

Those are not in the President’s job description.  Mr. Tripp would, therefore, need to be King.  As he lays out his vision, he seems well aware that it is totalitarianism monarchy that he is after, and not a presidency.  He does not call upon presidential strategies, but instead, states, “If you study the history of the nation of Israel, when they had a king that honored God, and followed His commandments, He blessed them tremendously, however, if they had a king that dishonored God,  and ignored his commandments,  they were often defeated and taken as slaves.”

His intent is to therefore to enact three main goals which “are to bring honor and glory to God, to turn this nation back toward the Christian Principles upon which it was founded (except, that it wasn’t), and to help lead millions to a closer relationship with God.”   

In a nutshell (pardon the expression), here are the decrees we have been promised with a King Darrell in power:

  • In Public Schools, the Bible will be a required subject for all grades, the same as math and English.   
  • Homosexuality will not be recognized legally or in any other manner by the United States government , or any state, city or county government. 
  • The income of coaches of sports teams at universities will be limited to $300,000 per year .
  • The legal age for marriage will be 22, and a couple wishing to get married must first attend Christian marriage counseling classes.
  • Divorce will only be allowed in cases of abuse, infidelity, or incarceration.
  • The penalties for abuse and infidelity will include large fines and jail time.
  • Married couples who become pregnant must attend Christian parenting classes.
  • Abortion will only be legal in situations where the child has a small probability of living and the pregnancy is placing the life of the mother in extreme risk.
  • The legal drinking age will be increased to 25. 
  • Alcohol will not be allowed on university campuses. 
  • Marijuana is a drug and will not be legal.  A drug is something used to stupefy or dull the senses.  (Gay Dad editors note:  Apparently being drunk over the age of 25 does not count as being stupefied or dull.)
  • Marriage will be defined as the union of one woman with one man
  • The legal age for marriage will be 22 . 
  • A couple wishing to get married must first attend Christian marriage counseling classes. 
  • Divorce will only be allowed in the case of abuse, infidelity or incarceration. 
  • The penalties for infidelity and frequent abuse will include large fines and jail time. 
  • Married couples who become pregnant must attend Christian parenting classes. 
  • The rating system for movies and TV shows will be drastically overhauled. 
  • Any material, show or movie, will not be allowed on TV systems or computer systems accessible by homes that contain nudity, strong sexual content, excessive foul language, blasphemy or any form of homosexuality.
  • Also addressed will be several laws regarding the statute of limitations, arbitration, and the use of false allegations to get orders or protections,  and using them as a tool of coercion .    

The last item may seem a bit of an anomaly.  With it, Mr. Trigg may be resolving unfinished business, per an arbitration he lost and is appealing.  If he was to do this as President, it would be seen as a misuse of power.  As King, it would not be so much an issue.  Regarding these troubles, Trigg remarks, “It is amazing what Satan has done in my life to deter this campaign.  I’ve been in the unemployment line, I’ve been in jail.  I’ve talked with the FBI and the US Attorney’s office.  All over false accusations.  Satan is the father of all lies and deceit .  I am not ashamed to say that I have a wrongful termination suit against my previous employer.  Information on it is public information in the Hawkins County clerk’s office.  And in my personal life, it’s amazing, how Satan has attacked me and my family.  Again, with false accusations.  I am doing all I can to save my marriage, my family and my home.”

Here is my letter to Mr. Trigg.

Dear Mr. Trigg,

I just watched the video in which you declared your intention to be the next leader of our country.  I know you stated that you are running for President, but frankly, you seem to want to dictate far more than a mere President would have within his means.  I think you mean to take over in a far grander scale.

In your speech, you stated, “As individuals, we need to take time every day to get along with God and develop a personal relationship with him.  When we do that, we honor God and his presence.   And I can testify in my own life, when you do that, He will reveal Himself to you.”  I happen to also believe in my daily personal relationship with God, and practice the principles you describe in my life as a Christian and gay dad.  During a dark time in my life and asked for death since it was obvious to me that I had been created homosexual, and did not believe based on homophobic dogma I had heard, that I was worthy of living.  I did get my message from God, and with conviction as deep as yours, I was told that I was to live my life to the best of my abilities, that I had been created gay, and my only sin was in questioning His wisdom in knowing what He had made. 

My life today includes a wonderful family with my partner Jim, and our sons, whom I adopted through foster care.  Their Christian birthparents were drug addicts and would have endangered my sons’ lives.

I am distressed that a family such as mine would not be allowed at the societal table should you become the leader of the country.  You have stated that we would not be “recognized legally or any other way.”  I am unclear exactly how gay people would be treated under your regime, but suspect you have something like Russia’s oppression of LGBT people in mind.  Franklin Graham has signaled support of such treatment, and you spoke very kindly of him in your speech. 

It is for that reason, that I do not want you to lead my country.  I do not believe my God would want you to run my life or the lives of my children, or of other families like ours.  I do not doubt that you have been lead on the path of running, but I do not that is because God intends for you to win.  I would suggest that his intentions for you, as they appear to be for most of the rest of us, are to learn something.

One thing God may intend for you to learn more about is the issue of suicide.  You declared it as our fourth largest killer in the country and used it as your rationale and call to action to end our collective misery.  I have good news for you.  It is not the fourth largest killer after all, it is tenth and makes up only 1.3% of all deaths. 

You bring up an interesting point, however.  Do you know who is susceptible for suicide more than any other group?  Bullied LGBT teens.  Do you know what would make them even more maligned and bullied than they are already?  The draconian horrific homophobic shunning that you propose. 

One such suicide attempt was a few months ago.  An eleven year old boy named Michael had been taunted incessantly over his affection for My Little Pony.  Michael also had great affection for the Bible which he also carried.  Because he was carrying a pink pony people, inflicted with the same homophobia you have integrated into your campaign plank, decided he was “gay”.  Seeing his love for Jesus, I also fear they likely tried to convince him that God did not love him anymore, again, as you are attempting to communicate to all LGBT Americans.

Michael tried to hang himself.  While he did not succeed, his road to normalcy is long and difficult.  His parents have stepped up, not to shun everything perceived to be gay, but to fight against the bullying culture, one that would flourish with you as leader of our country.

My son Jesse, who is also eleven, caught a glimpse of Michael on my computer screen.  He immediately needed to hear Michael’s story and understand.  We talked and I put him to bed.  A while later, he was up again, very disturbed and worried about Michael.  Like you, the worry of suicide harming the innocent concerned him.  His solution went in a different direction than yours however.

“I want to send him my Butterfly,” Jesse declared.  Butterfly is the stuffed animal that Jesse has slept since infancy.  It is the toy that he loves over all others.  “I want him to know it is OK to love something and he should not be bullied over it.  The love I put into Butterfly will protect him.”

I hugged Jesse and told him that we would pray out that love and strength to Michael instead.  We sat quietly and prayed for Michael, then I kissed my young man goodnight, and he went to bed again.

Mr. Trigg, you have wished for peace, joy, happiness, contentment, and courage for Americans.  You feel that only by believing in the dogma of God as you understand it, is it possible for people you do not know to attain those benefits.  That dogma is not truth, however.  It hurts people, robs them of the freedom this country was based on, inhibits them from seeking spiritual solace and contributes to the drive for the vulnerable to choose to kill themselves.  In short, Mr. Trigg, you are part of the problem, not the solution.

While Jesse also believes in God, he understands something that you do not.  It is not the belief in God that affects all those things.  It is the full essence of what God is that creates those things.  The Bible declares that “God is love.”  Love, not God, is the point.

Atheists know love.  People of other religions know love.  LGBT families across our country know love.  They do not need the graven image of the Bible to be told how to love, and what is moral.

My son Jesse knows how to love a friend he has never met.  You only seem to know how to loathe families of whom you are ignorant.

Right now, as it is, regarding a choice on who was more qualified to run our country, you, or the sovereign ruler of my personal world, my eleven year old son, I would have to go with … him.

But, I’m not going to let him run for President.   It is past his bedtime.  You should not run either.  God will understand.

 

 

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Tiles Falling, Foolishness, and Priorities

Posted on May 3, 2014 by Ono Kono
Kingdome in Seattle

Kingdome in Seattle

Years ago, I enjoyed watching sports and going to sporting events of my favorite teams—the Mariners and Seahawks in Seattle. I even worked part-time at the Mariners’ games taking care of promotional contest boxes in the 90s. I liked to go to work extra early and make sure all the kiosks were in order and clean. Then before the doors opened, I had some time to go sit inside behind home or third base sections and watch them practice. Once the doors opened for the fans, I would go back to work.

I was sitting in the Kingdome watching the player’s practice the day four ceiling tiles fell 180 feet from the ceiling and crashed into the seats behind home plate. All this time I thought it was strange, that while I was sitting one section over from where they fell, I didn’t hear anything. I assumed the sound must have been like when the batted baseballs hit into the empty seats during practice. In the mostly empty Kingdome during that time, the sound of the balls hitting the seats ricocheted and echoed all around me.

Today I learned the tiles came down before practice. I didn’t know anything about the tiles that day, until a news person followed by her camera crew came off the field and hurried up the aisle next to me. As she rushed by my seat, I heard her say, “If there’s one more breaking story…” I turned around to see what people were pointing at on the ceiling. The camera operator was intent on filming whatever it was. I could not see anything unusual from where I sat—a large speaker obscured the view. I got up and moved up the aisle and saw a tile dangling from ceiling and a few tiles that had crashed down on the seats. All I could think was, thank goodness, this happened before the doors opened and the seats were full of people.

Meanwhile down on the field, the Mariners’ coaches, managers, umpire, Ken Griffey Jr. and others were discussing whether to call the game. As I watched their discussion on the field, I couldn’t help but think—what part about the ceiling falling don’t you understand. Of course, you have to call the game and check the structure, if more tiles fall, someone could be severely hurt or killed. They didn’t ask for my opinion, why would they? However, I watched as they took their time trying to resolve what to do. I decided to leave the area in case more tiles broke loose. Outside in the breezeway, I waited with others for the verdict, wondering if we would stay at work, or be sent home.

The officials finally decided to call the game. The disconnect from the safety of people vs the-game-must-go-on amazed me. I was further astounded when Griffey later said, “They canceled the game for that? Hey, nobody was bitching when the roof was leaking and I was slipping and sliding out there in center field. Just put a sign at the gates saying ‘Enter at your own risk’ and let ‘em come on in.”

The worst part about this disaster-in-waiting was officials of the Kingdome, King County, and Mariners knew that those tiles had been compromised (from work done on the roof that caused it to leak) before the season opener that year. They made a few repairs but they did not have a full inspection to be sure there was no risk. Had they done so, the game would be played solely on the road and I wouldn’t have been sitting inside the day the tiles came tumbling down.

Until I was searching for the facts behind this story (not relying on just my memory), I didn’t know they opened the season with full knowledge of the risk that those tiles could fall at any moment. Even on the day, and after the first tiles fell, they allowed the players and the rest of us into the area. It appears they most likely would have let the game go on. I don’t know who finally decided to call the game off, but up until that moment, it appears officials had turned a blind eye to the problem months before those tiles fell and even after. I had no idea that when I went to work that season I was at grave risk every time I walked under the dome of tiles.

That was the beginning of my doing a double-take on the world of sports. Until that day, I was an innocent about how the world of big business sports worked. Granted, I thought the big salaries of some of the players were excessive, but I chose not to think much about it. I enjoyed the game and ignored the extreme disproportion of salaries.

After the day the tiles fell, King County spent 51 million dollars to fix the dome and two people lost their lives when a crane fell while they were removing the tiles. Six years later, the county demolished the dome with 120 million still owed on it. Amidst all the chaos, we had sports teams threatening to leave the region and voters voting down building a new stadium.

It became clear that professional sports receive far more importance in our lives than it deserves. Government wanting its citizens to pay for a new building while the older one still had millions owed, when we had schools closing, fire and police departments in need, and an infrastructure that needed attention and money, is the height of absurdity. In my opinion, it was not the time to build a structure for entertainment purposes when the sports team could very well pay for it themselves. Big businesses with enough money to pay millions to their prize players, should build their own stadiums.

Where are our priorities? In my eyes, public money should be spent on our infrastructure, our citizens, our children, and our poor. Even after King County voters said no to the new sports arenas, politicians went ahead and funded it any way. Professional sports—an entertainment business—should never, ever take away from our region’s needs. When we cater to big business and let our infrastructure fail, our schools decay and our police and fire department go without key staff and equipment, what does that say about us, and our priorities?

I quit following sports, I quit talking about it, I quit, period. It has been hard some years; I did watch the Seahawks in the Super Bowl one year with my father who was dying of cancer. This year the only excitement I have over the Seahawks winning and going on to the Super Bowl is seeing a photo put up on Facebook, when my niece and her husband appeared on TV during the game. I can no longer support professional sports, their lack of ethics, goes against my sense of doing the right thing.

I do not wish to rain on anyone’s parade for following sports. I know how important it is for some. However, for me there is no morality in supporting big business in bed with the government when we have life needs being slashed and burned. Astounded by the absurdness—the inequality baffles me. Does it baffle you?

Posted in Entertainment, Equality, Fail! | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Gay Man Who Hides in Nigeria: I Plead for Decency in the World, I Plead for You to Care

Posted on May 1, 2014 by guestposting600

This is part two of the guest blog by our friend “JC” who lives in Nigeria.  He is gay, but hidden.  He stays to create change within his country.   The first part was his message to the people of Nigeria, this part is to the rest of us.  Part one is here.

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Like many other gay guys, by the time I was in my early to mid teens, I was fully aware that I harbored a strong sexual attraction to men. I had also by then realized that in my society it was taboo, a dirty, disgusting thing that no one liked to talk about, that everyone liked to pretend did not exist. I had by now through playing around, discovered one or two other boys around my age who “liked what I liked”, we were by then already deeply conditioned to believe that what we were doing was abnormal and unspeakable, we fought our innermost feelings, prayed and fasted, contemplated suicide, performed all manner of rituals  – a friend of mine recently told me that when he was 16 upon realizing he was gay, he went out butt naked in the middle of the night in pouring rain to pray for a cure to his “sickness which caused him to lust after men” needless to say, his prayers were answered with a raging bout of fever and chills while his sexuality remained firmly in place; while we hoped that we might be cured of our horrible affliction.

Nevertheless, in my own case time and time again, I succumbed to the power of my sexuality all the while begging God to either ‘cure’ me or end my life and free me from this endless cycle of sin. Those were dark and terrible days which I fought long and hard to emerge from. You see, I had been taught by my church and my society that my sexuality was an evil and deeply terrible thing, that it was of the devil. Yet deep within me, I also struggled with the irony that this was none of my fault and that this was simply what my innermost yearnings leaned towards. All through my teens, at the time when other young males are mainly pre-occupied with matters of the fairer sex, I found that in order to “blend in and belong”, I had to get a “babe” like everyone else, I therefore hooked up with one of the several available babes and went through the motions, I learned to make out with them real good; all the while knowing deep within me that I really preferred men and all the while being torn apart from the inside by deep feelings of guilt.

A few other guys who shared my sexual preference had made the costly mistake of letting their true feelings show either by confiding in other guys or making advances at them and were now the subject of scorn and hatred as well as stripped bare of every last shred of dignity. I was terrified of being found out by either friends or family members. I therefore cowered deeper and deeper in my closet while clinging tightly to the false façade of heterosexuality that I had built up all through my teenage years. I still had romantic liaisons with men but it was done with utmost discretion and deep secrecy. Looking at men as well as several of my other gay friends from the outside, you would never in your wildest dreams have guessed that we carried the burden of this secret buried deep within us. On the outside we were boys in our late teens and early 20s doing just what was expected of us at that age, enjoying our youth, chasing the girls and generally having a good time.

All too soon, we found ourselves in the University. For many of us, it was our first time away from home, away from the constantly monitoring eyes of our parents. We quickly immersed ourselves in several on-campus activities and got busy with the daily routines of undergraduate student life. Many of us in a bid to further blend into this exciting new world, continued to pretend that we were straight, we found more girlfriends and kept up the charade.

For me, I had at this point gotten tired of all the tiring pretense and mind numbing deceit, I took solace in my books and joined a very devout fellowship which kept me fully occupied and which I used as an excuse for not having a flock of girls around me despite my obvious handsomeness. This proved highly effective as everyone assumed I was devoted to my studies and religious obligations and therefore had no time for girls. I was soon known as the bookish, churchish (or churcheous) boy who had no time for girls or wild campus parties.

Midway into my university education – at a time when the internet was becoming more and more pervasive, a friend introduced me to a couple of gay dating sites and quickly, my network of friends grew beyond my immediate vicinity and even outside the shores of Nigeria. I rapidly realized that there were actually many many people who were like me and my previously lonely bunch of friends, who shared the same sexual orientation including many who had wives and children but secretly craved a man’s touch. As we swapped stories, I realized that most of them like me had no choice as to the direction of their sexual orientation. These friends as well as others I met through them soon formed the core of my network of friends. They were a varied bunch, some like me were in their early to mid 20s, still in University or freshly graduated while some others were already employed in various fields or running businesses.

I cherished and still cherish these friends as we shared a common trait as well as a sense of belonging and of community. They understood me as I did them. All too soon, I graduated from the University and went on to carry out my one year National Youth Service (NYSC) and shortly afterwards I was fortunate to secure employment in one of the new generation banks thanks to connections via family and friends. I was soon wrapped up in the busy schedule of a Lagos bank employee.

I had a decent job, I was young and goodlooking, I of course got a lot of female attention as well as recommendations from Aunts and older relatives eager to see me married off, “settled down and happy” (so they thought). But I always avoided female company using my busy work schedule as an excuse; by now, I had a steady male lover whom I met during my National Youth Service days, he was then 29, the only son of wealthy influential parents, well educated in top American universities and now working in one of his family’s businesses. He was therefore considered “ripe” for marriage and several pretty girls from equally affluent families were constantly being thrown at him while the pressure to marry, settle down and carry on the family name had reached a feverish intensity. I watched as he struggled to balance the pressure of family commitments and expectations with the discretion required to maintain a gay relationship. I watched silently from the shadows horrified and heartbroken as he finally succumbed to the repeated pressure of his family and got engaged to girl from his town, the daughter of one of his father’s wealthy business associates. I was devastated but I realized that to continue this relationship would only serve to deteriorate my broken psyche.

One day, I therefore sent him a short text ending it all, this was one of the most painful decisions I have taken in my entire life, I can still hear his voice as he cried and begged me over the phone, I still remember the look of deep sorrow on his face on the day he suddenly showed up at my office to try and talk things over, but I was resolute. I had resolved never to get emotionally attached to any man ever again as I was sure I would never be able to survive such heartbreak for a second time. I quickly moved on and went through a string of meaningless and not-so meaningless relationships quickly putting that painful episode behind me.

Meanwhile, smartphones had arrived on the scene bringing with them an unprecedented capacity to network and meet like minded people from all walks of life. I was amazed to find that contrary to the widespread stereotype in Nigeria that gays are usually idle, effeminate young guys possessed by some evil spirit of sexual perversion, gays were in every sphere of life, in every socio – economic class. I met gay doctors, bankers, teachers, lawyers, dirvers, security men, waiters, janitors etc. Most were regular everyday guys. The sort you would walk past on the street without missing a beat. It reinforced my belief that we are just like everyone else apart from our sexual preference for which we have been and continue to be wrongly and harshly judged.

I have watched as some of my friends made the terrible mistake of opening up to friends or family as the love and affection that had previously existed is shattered forever. One of my friends was thrown out of his family home in the middle of the night after his father (a catholic knight) found him in the embrace of another boy, I knew his father very well and often spotted him seated in the front row in church dressed in his Sunday best nodding in vigorous acquiescence each time the subject of the church sermon was on the evil of homosexuality and the sinister intentions of gays to corrupt and overrun the world.

I felt disgusted and sickened by these lies which members of the congregation absorbed and fiercely held onto as true. I have come to realize that this is a major reason why Nigerians seem to have a blind unreasonable hatred for gays and recoil in horror at the mere mention of the word, blindly refusing to see that there are gay people all around them, that some of their beloved husbands, sons, brothers, cousins, colleagues etc. are secretly gay, but deep in the closet living with a mortal fear of rejection and backlash.

I recently returned from an intensive 9 – month Post Graduate Degree in Europe. During my time there I could not help but marvel at the level of tolerance and openness towards gay people. Contrary to what I had been told all my life, acceptance of the fact that gay people have a right to be who they are does not in any way threaten the existence of homosexuals, rather these are open and progressive societies where everyone is empowered to achieve his full potential, where you are not judged by your sexuality but by the content of your character as a human being regardless of your sexual orientation, with all rights to dignity and security fully protected and upheld by the State. I of course made friends with several gay people in several European cities, upon learning that I was Nigerian, a recurring theme amongst them has always been “why is it such a major issue in your country that people are gay? And why is it that of all the multitude of issues plaguing most parts of your continent, your governments devote so much time and energy in pursuing homophobic and discriminatory agendas? Why are people so willing and eager to hate other humans simply on account of what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms with other consenting adults?”

I try in vain to explain to them. But you see, coming from the sort of open and progressive backgrounds they do, it is extremely hard for them to understand. They do not live in a society where the leadership seeks to make scapegoats of gays as a means of scoring cheap political points while diverting the attentions of the populace from more pressing issues. They do not live in societies where the clergy is allowed unfettered liberty to propagate hatred and bigotry and to manipulate a clueless congregation as they see fit while blindly disregarding the duty which their lofty position imposes on them to promote tolerance and love amongst all men; a congregation so severely brutalized by economic hardship that it happily abandons all reason and human compassion and instead is easily guided into the mebrace of blind unreasoning hatred.

I have thankfully, finally freed myself from the mental bonds imposed on me by a life time of conditioning and I have finally realized that gay or straight we are all God’s creatures, designed gay or straight or bisexual in his infinite wisdom. A gay person is no more a threat to a heterosexual person than left handed persons are to right handed ones or tall persons to short persons or light skinned are to dark skinned persons. Homophobia is as unreasonable as hatred of a person based on his racial origins, height, eye or skin color, hair texture …. I could go on and on and on with a long winding list of as many variations of human features as there are.

In conclusion, I ask you the reader if you think that it is right to hate another blindly and fiercely, to hate another person on account of a factor beyond his/her control such as height, body size, hair length, racial origins etc. if you think that it is right to hate or be hated on account of these, then by all means, HATE any gay person you know or ever come across. HATE them with a hatred so ferocious and intense that perhaps the force of your hate might somehow reach into their dark, evil, twisted psyche and burn away the objects of your intense hate.

If however you still possess a shred of decency, a sense of right and wrong, then call out this ominous and obnoxious anti – gay law for what it is. Denounce it in all its true evil colorations, enlighten the blind around you who cannot see but can perhaps hear your voice of reason. Denounce this brazen attempt to collectively hoodwink 160 million people by pulling some fast moves behind their backs while occupying them with false doctrines while their collective birthright is being plundered by an avaricious and coldhearted leadership.

I leave you with the words of Martin Niemoller,  “They came first for the communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a communist. Then they came for the jews and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, again I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I remained silent because I was protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one to speak up”.

This obnoxious homophobic disgrace to legislation portends an ill wind that blows no one any good.

Thank You.

“Jail the Devils”  Part One

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Posted in Prejudice | 4 Comments

Everything You Need to Know About Celebrities Gay Sex Lives

Posted on April 29, 2014 by guestposting600

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by guest blogger Ken Jansen

Reading an announcement about Jodie Foster’s recent marriage to Alexandra Hedison, I was appalled by some of the comments after the article. “I guess she’s ashamed of who she is. That’s the impression you get when she tries to keep it secret. Now she’s enjoying the benefits other people fought for..” or “Maybe she’ll give a public speech about privacy again. She’s a complete nut.” and ” While she hid in the closet. She’s a wonderful actress [even though her recent choices have been ‘less-than’], but not a good role model for anyone.”

Are comments like these necessary? Jodie Foster has spent her life trying to keep her private life…well, private. Why do we, as a “community” see this as something a celebrity should be ashamed of? Some have decided to make their coming out public. People like Ricky Martin, Ellen Degeres and Adam Lambert, through athletes like ground-breakers Billie Jean King and Martina Navratilova to more recently Tom Daley, Jason Collins and others.

I commend all of them for their courage, but wonder why some people think that this is so vitally important. But, if stars like these decide that the public needs to know about their private lives, does that automatically set the bar for other celebs to follow? Do all people in the public eye have to follow their lead? Does someone’s sexuality matter that much? Would our lives have been impacted in any way had they chosen NOT to come out?

As Johnny Galecki so eloquently put it: “I haven’t really addressed those rumours because why defend yourself against something that isn’t offensive.” At the same time, why should he address rumours that are none of our business? I don’t understand the near obsession so many people have with celebrity’s sexuality. if they choose to come out, great. If they choose to keep it a secret, great. If, as Ms Foster did, they simply choose to keep their lives private, also great.

Now, having said that, I do understand that celebrities are often held as role models, and as a community we need more positive role models. Having celebrities publicly proclaiming their sexuality, especially younger celebrities, sends the message to our youth that it’s okay to be proud of yourself. If someone like Jodie Foster, or any other celebrity, decides not to have a huge rainbow-flag-waving, coming out press conference, who really cares? It is, after all, their life, not ours to decide. True, they chose a public job, but it’s not incumbent on them to explain every nuance of their private lives to us. They are as much entitled to privacy as anyone else. And if they do chose not to broadcast every part of their lives, we have no right to judge them.

All we should do, now, is wish Jodie and Alexandra the best, and let them move on with their private life

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Posted in Entertainment, Hatred, Living, News, Prejudice | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

A Gay Dad Sounds Off About the Iowa Moms and an Unthinkable Tragedy

Posted on April 26, 2014 by robw77

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As a gay dad, I have heard the words a thousand times.  “A child is better off with both a mother and a father”.  The statement always baffles me. Certainly, no two sets of parents of any make up are identically equipped, so is the theory that any opposite sex parents are better than any same sex parents?

The anti-gays claim that to be the case.  Right wing spokespeople have gone so far as to declare that even orphanages are superior to same sex parents.  The Catholic Church has previously declared that same sex parents were doing “violence” to the children in their care.

I don’t believe my life supports the concept.  I have two sons.  Each was born to a heterosexual couple and due to personal issues, each of them would have died had they remained with their birth parents.  That is not conjecture, that is fact.

Drug addiction plagued all four of my sons’ birth parents.  With the life I was able to give them, my sons are happy, healthy well adjusted eleven year old boys.   

Sadly, in the most devastating of ways, a couple of mothers in Iowa will have no such happy ending. Rachel and Heidi McFarland had a baby boy named Gabriel since his birth.  Within days of when the adoption was to finalize, the sixteen year old birth mother changed her mind.  Rachel and Heidi became what the Des Moines Register called “former adoptive parents “.

I know the taste of that crushing and painful experience.  On the road to adopting my two sons, there were periods of time when one of each of their adoptions were called into question.  Should I have lost either of them, I would have dearly wanted to believe that the child I was losing was going to the possibility of a good and happy life, even if I was not privileged to be his parent.   In my loss, the love I felt for my child would have placed him first beyond my own desires.

Surely this was the case for the moms of little Gabriel.  The moms had spent every waking moment with him caring for his every need, from the moment of his birth to the moment where they lost him.    Ultimately, that didn’t matter.

“We had been scrutinized,  our life style has been scrutinized, the people in our lives have been scrutinized,  we had to have letters of reference for this home study, to make sure we were…adequate as parents,” said Rachel.  “And, they never had to have anything when they took him back.”

Little boy Gabriel went back to the “a child is better off with a mother and a father” ideal, to two teenagers.  It was under a teen boy’s care, while the birth teen mom was running errands, that Gabriel lost his life.  He was alone when he was found.

His moms heard about his death… by listening to the news.

Gabriel did not die because his moms were lesbian.  His death was not the byproduct of homophobia.  His fate was not because of a violation of any legal custody issues.  His story is bigger than any of that.  His story is about love, sacrifice and the true meaning of being a parent.  His story is one that brings the bigoted preconceived notions around same sex parenting to its knees.

When I heard the story of Rachel and Heidi, I wept over what had happened to them.  This is my letter from a dad to two moms. 

Dear Rachel and Heidi,

I will not pretend that I know what you are going through.  Even though I possess  the over abiding love for my two sons, and a distant but constant fear that something bad could ever happen to them, I have never experienced the pain I can only imagine you feel today.

You are both such magnificent women, and you have experienced what is arguably life’s most ultimate loss.  I wish I could say that my note here was one to cheer you, or even give you comfort.  Sadly, it is not.

This is a note that validates your pain, anguish, horror and sorrow. There are those in this world who see you as bystanders, mere caretakers who were there for a few months and then cut loose.  I know the truth.  You are mothers who have lost a great and significant love.  You lost Gabriel, in a deeper, more profound way than anyone else.

You were the parents who held the hope and promise for a  little boy, and he was blessed by your wonderful glow.  Life is precious and fragile, and the disastrous events that happened were made possible by just a few childish decisions by two people who had no business being parents at all.  Again, we, the world, need to see that procreating a human child and being his parent are not one and the same thing.

I desperately wish I could make this better for you.  I  want that I could have that kind of power, because this is exactly a situation in which I would use it.  But, I don’t and I can’t .  You are in my thoughts and prayer.  I put out the hope that the love you have within your family can carry you through this loss, and eventually deliver your next child, who will be so fortunate and blessed to have you.

Your little Gabriel was born deaf in one ear.  You fitted him for a hearing aide.  There was a fear he might become entirely deaf.   You both started to learn sign language. 

In the end, there was no one in your family that was hard of hearing.   It was the world.  The world did not recognize that a love and dedication strong enough to put your child before your own needs earned you the right to motherhood. This is your tragedy and loss,.  You gave our world clarity.  You have defined true parenting more clearly than it has been understood before.

I fill my heart with love and solidarity.  You are not “former”, you are not “adoptive”.   You are real moms in every way that counts.

In a few weeks, it will be Mothers Day.  On that day, I will buy two roses to honor you.  I will look on them and think of you, as you are: 

Gabriel’s Moms, now and forever.

 

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Posted in Prejudice | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments